As all of you are probably aware of right now, the WWE has fired several of their WWE superstars this past Thursday in what was a cost-cutting measure. The reason for the releases is well established by insiders due to the company’s stock dropping like women’s underwear at a Dave Bautista meet-n’-greet inside a nightclub in Cabo on a Saturday. That stock dip attributed to a renegotiation with NBC Universal that offered the WWE a good offer, but nothing close to what they were anticipating. Sorta like when you see someone’s eharmony.com profile pic.
While the WWE has in recent years insisted that mass layoffs were no longer part of their business strategy, the recent shortcomings of WWE Network buys and the fact that Linda isn’t running for office again led the WWE to change their plans. The company had no choice. This was an absolute necessity. Especially when Vince discovered his yacht, the appropriately named Sexy Bitch, needed a new paint job which has made the boat recently look less sexy and more haggard.
The obvious casualties in these situations are WWE wrestlers. And not surprisingly, they were the first the WWE wished well on their future endeavors.
- Drew McIntyre
- Jinder Mahal
- Aksana
- Curt Hawkins
- Theodore Long
- Camacho
- Brodus Clay
- Evan Bourne
- Yoshi Tatsu
- Marc Harris (yes, THE Marc Harris)
- JTG
The most shocking name here is, of course, Camacho. We’ve reported several months ago that Camacho was being prepped for a WWE main event push. Our sources were adamant that this was going to happen. So much like the WWE, Wrestletaint.gov also did some firing of their own.
Now while everyone is mourning the end of the Aksana Era in the WWE, we here at Wrestletaint.gov feel it is our duty to also acknowledge the non WWE talent that were given their walking papers…
- Barbara Taylor – Accounts Receivable
- Joseph Forsythe – Wellness Policy Assistant (guy who watches the wrestlers urinate during the drug test)
- Nicholas Butt – Talent Rehabilitation Consultant (guy who always give John Cena the incorrect timetables for his return from injuries)
- Wendy Yelpers – Marketing Coordinator
- Trent “Titty T” Goldschmidt – Bass player for WWE music group CFO$ (guy who wrote Cesaro’s theme)
- Nadine Shalalala – Assistant to the Assistant of the Executive Vice President of Television, Kevin Dunn (fired because Dunn wants to bring in his son, Diego, into this role who will only be given internship credit for his Southern New Hampshire University major)
- Rohan Malhotra – I.T. Expert (fired personally by Vince because Vince thought he was Jinder Mahal who’s contract was terminated on Thursday)
- Robert Ballerina – WWE Films Screenplay Adapter
- Shane McMahon – Event Planner (name is purely coincidental, not related to family)
- Chad Overunder – Television Producer (works inside the production truck at live events; caught masturbating)
- Cassandra Woodjammer – Canvas Purchaser
- Frank “The Crank” Duvall – Pyrotechnics Dude (64 years old, was one day short of retirement)
- Ashley Garbanzo – Triple H’s Personal Assistant (fired by Steph)
- Zander Xoggz (pronounced ‘eggs’) – Legal Attorney
- Quincy Quotable – Myspace Updater
- Brendan Thrillho – Attire Advisor (reason why Seth Rollins still has no new gear)
We hope the best for everyone who has been recently let go. In these uncertain economic times, losing your employment is one of the worst things that anyone can have happen to them. Hopefully, everyone lands on their feet in no time.
TAINTBITS: How bad of shape is TNA in you ask? MVP deliberately got injured so he didn’t have to wrestle at Slammiversary…Curt Hawkins got into a Twitter squabble with Mark Henry on Thursday. Curt Hawkins has been missing since Friday and his family is offering money on his information about his whereabouts…Lana’s skirts have been shrinking one centimeter per appearance. It is expected that her panties will be visible by Survivor Series…The WWE has no idea on what they’re doing with the Shield break-up. During the Rollins turn two weeks ago, Vince let out an audible ‘SHIT!’ in the Gorilla position realizing there was no follow-up plan in place…Big E is in the doghouse due to general live audience apathy. Alberto Del Rio doesn’t see why that should be a big concern…Daniel Bryan’s recovery time has been stretched now from possibly Summerslam to 2016…Alicia Fox’s bipolar angle is being used to set-up a Brock Lesnar-Cesaro feud for Summerslam…and lastly, yes we can confirm CM Punk and AJ got married over the weekend in Chicago. They are currently on their honeymoon in Tokyo at Akihabara.