Have you ever seen a film where you can give it props for its ambitions, but because of other factors it still really doesn’t work? That’s how I felt watching They/Them, written and directed by John Logan, someone I’ve always been a massive fan of. This guy wrote Gladiator, the Aviator, Skyfall and SPECTRE, and Rango among other things. Sadly, much like Alien Covenant, this one was a swing and a miss with me because much of it came off to me as a noble missed opportunity.
It’s frustrating because this movie’s trying to tackle a subject matter that’s an incredibly horrifying thing for many people across the world. The problem isn’t in its message, the message is something that’s unfortunately still needed in 2022. The issues lie in how it’s so focused on hammering this real-world problem as hard as possible to the viewer that they don’t get a chance to lose themselves in what could have been some memorable horror. As it is, the traditional horror threat here comes off fairly weak.
Heck, the producers managed to secure Kevin Bacon- Balto himself, that’s nothing to sneeze at. He’s convincingly manipulative as Owen Whistler, the head of Whistler Camp who advertises to the new campers coming in that no, this isn’t going to be the harsh experience you believe it is, we’re actually tolerant and we just want to show you an alternate way to your “lifestyle”. Jordan (Theo/Germaine), a non-binary teen, isn’t convinced. They’re the audience representative through the story as the camp staff attempt to psychologically batter the kids, low-key shaming them for their orientations and instilling negative feelings throughout.
Nevertheless, the band of campers connects with each other in spite of Whistler’s efforts (though the sequence with a song by P!nk feels more clumsy and “how do you do fellow kids?” than it does empowering). Oh, and there’s a crazed killer in a mask lurking in the shadows trying to hack and slash the Whistler counselors to death, but the movie doesn’t put too much emphasis on this until the very end of the movie.
This isn’t a completely bottom-of-the-barrel slasher film, I felt the protagonists were too sympathetic for that. But there’s *so* much missed potential here I felt could have led to a far more explosively scary film. Parts of this script were the kind of thing that makes me want to write myself.
Without steering away from the overall message too much, if I was a co-author I’d be throwing out all sorts of neat ideas, like what if there was more of a supernatural element? Like some secret, ancient evil controlling the camp, and the conversion actually turned the campers into monster puppets. What if we had some more people in the camp who’ve been brainwashed, like sort of a Get Out-vibe? I’d have liked to have seen a more crazed killer, some sort of entity that’s out for blood.
Given what these kids are put through, I’d have enjoyed seeing them towards the end maybe kick a little more ass. I was hoping for some Jamie Lee Curtis versus Michael Myers-type energy, a situation where they’re seriously scrapping and clawing just to stay alive. It’s already established that Jordan’s willing to get the strap. Wouldn’t it have been bad-ass if they took those hunting rifles and battled off some sort of sick demon horde? Look at the kids from Stranger Things, they stared down Vecna and brought the pain. With how close-knit the They/Them cast became, it’d have been more fun to see them in a more classic style of horror danger.
The counselors are certainly evil, and their actions towards the teens are quite terrible. There’s no sympathy from the audience as the killer targets them. I get that John Logan is aiming to show homophobia as the monstrous force it is, and also avoid the common sight in many movies of LGBTQ characters being killed off quickly. Many kids go through horrific psychological trauma in institutions like these. But these don’t make for *fun*, thrilling scares. This movie has dark lighting and shadowy scenes, but somehow it doesn’t feel all that spooky. The best horror movies have a visceral excitement to them IMO, even in short tribute films like Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Keeping the kids outside of the line of fire I think limits much of the intensity this movie could have had, and adds to the on-the-nose vibe especially hard.
So I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re looking for a visceral scare, and I think it could have tackled how these camps legit do traumatize many kids in a slicker manner. Overall, They/Them gets too tangled in what’s certainly a pointed message against bigotry, but it trips itself up applying it to the thrilling aspects that are a really fun horror movie’s foundation. To each their own though, and I can certainly understand how some viewers would find some power in it. But what was your take on it? If you’ve seen it, swing by FAN’s social media spots and let us know your opinion!