No Mercy
October 17th, 1999
Attendance: 18,742
LIVE from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio
We’re now moving on to the month of October as we take a look at No Mercy PPV. The show was headlined by HHH defending the WWF Championship against Stone Cold Steve Austin. This show also features a ladder match between the Hardys and E&C and an Intercontinental title match between Jeff Jarrett and Chyna. I really have nothing else to add here so let’s move on to the show!
– This month’s video package focuses on the feud between HHH and Austin, showing how HHH put Austin on the shelf. Basically, Austin knows he’s gonna get got…but he’s gonna get his before he gets got. In white people language, Austin wants to win his title back and will stop at nothing to get it..
Match #1
The Godfather (w/hoes) vs. Mideon (w/Viscera)
– Not surprisingly, King looks so damn thirsty when the hoes come out. Like, “close to dying of thirst after spending days walking in the desert” thirsty.
“For the love of Gawd, get this man some water!”- JR
– The story behind this one is that Mideon and Viscera jumped the Pimp Daddy after he beat Mideon on Smackdown.
– Before the match, Godfather cuts a “Rah-Rah” promo. He encourages the viewers to “light up a fatty for this pimp daddy” (already there, Godfather) and say, “pimpin’ ain’t easy!” He’s really over.
”Do you have a fatty, JR?”- King
“I beg your pardon!?”- JR.
Awesome
– Hahaha, this clown Viscera is looking like blond hair Blade with his black shades on. Also, Mideon apparently prefers farm animals to the Godfather’s hoes. Because of this, Godfather doesn’t even offer the heels a shot at his hoes. He’s just gonna kick Mideon’s ass.
– Godfather takes control of the match early on, hitting a Powerslam on Mideon. Eventually, he tries to his Ho Train finisher but is distracted by Viscera harassing his hoes. Since the property value goes down on hoes that have marks, Godfather goes to check on them but gets cheap-shotted by the goth animal banger.
– Behind the ref’s back, Viscera shoves Godfather back-first into the apron. Mideon gets the heat on Godfather, working him over with dull but acceptable offence. After getting sent off the ropes, the Pimp Daddy gets a visual 3-count with a Sunset Flip but the ref is distracted by Viscera and late to make the count.
– More mediocre offense from Mideon as he keeps working Godfather over with Viscera even getting in a cheap shot. A light “We Want Puppies” chant breaks out before dying out.
– Browsing the FAN forum now. Shit is bout to get real in the WWE section if Roman wins the Rumble. I don’t even know what it is but that push has got everybody feeling some type of way.
– Back to the match, Godfather makes a comeback, culminating with him hitting a Leg Drop.. Hogan has a fit as Mideon kicks out. The Pimp Daddy tries to go for a Vader Bomb but Mideon gets his knees up, causing Godfather to stumble out of the ring to try and get a breather. Mideon follows him out, however, and tries to hold his opponent in place so Viscera can splash him into the ring post. Proving that he’s no jive turkey, Godfather moves out of the way and tosses Mideon back in the ring.
– Time to get on the Ho Train! Godfather hits his splash in the corner before rolling up Mideon for a three count! The place goes nuts as Godfather celebrates with his hoes before letting the ref get in the action. The nerd falls on his ass while he gets down with the women.
– Super basic match where the face won to start the show off on a good note. Not much else to say. It was boring but inoffensive.
– A video recap is shown of HHH murking Austin in his locker room after pretending to surrender the WWF Championship. It looks like it was a really well done angle. After that, a HHH promo from Sunday Night Heat earlier in the night plays. Apparently, Austin tried to get a rattlesnake to bite him but he killed the rattlesnake and pretended like the snake actually bit him. He mocks Vince and Austin for being stupid babyfaces and falling for his ruse. HHH explains that his master plan to get The Rattlesnake so pissed off that he lets his anger consume him and cause him to lose via DQ. The promo gets cut off before it’s finished which made me lol. Shame, it was a pretty good promo too.
– Backstage with Michael “Black As” Cole, Ivory cuts a promo where she says she doesn’t care about history. She basically said she’s gonna send Mae and Moolah back to the nursing home they came from. Damn solid promo.
Match #2
WWF Women’s Championship
The Fabulous Moolah (w/ Mae Young) vs. Ivory(c)
– Ivory’s booty shorts are *****. The champ starts off a match with a Dropkick to the back of Moolah. After another leg drop gets kicked out of (I guess this was “screw Hulk Hogan” night), Moolah tries to pull Ivory’s lace front out with a couple of Snapmares. The senior citizen goes for a splash off the bottom turnbuckle but misses.
– The champ tries to pin Moolah with her feet on the ropes but Mae shoves them off. Mae gets dropped for her efforts, however, as Ivory sends her BFF to the outside. Ivory Dropkicks Mae off the apron before botching a Suicide Dive onto Moolah. TBF, would it really be the wisest thing to let a 70+ year old women take a real Suicide Dive? Of course, because she’s valiantly fighting against two people, Ivory gets cheered despite being the heel fighting elderly women.
– They dick around on the outside for a bit before Moolah throws Ivory into the crowd. Ivory hits a sloppy looking Crossbody off the barricade (she’s my boo but she’s not very good at all) before Mae tries to interfere again only to get dropped again. Having had enough of beating on the two Civil War widows, The champ tries to bring the match to an end by hitting her opponent with her belt. Mae gets involved again, however, causing Ivory to nail her in the head first. Taking advantage of the distraction, Moolah does the most awkward, phony-looking roll up you’ve ever seen. Moolah wins, new champion!
– The crowd pops for the shock title win as Moolah celebrates with her newly won title. This match was awful but who could possibly expect anything different?
– A recap is shown of Vince making the main event a No Holds Barred match on Sunday Night Heat. The reason behind it is so that HHH’s strategy won’t work. Swear to god, you can briefly see the boom mic in the segment. Oops.
Match #3
The New Age Outlaws vs. The Holly Cousins
– The Outlaws are as popular as ever as RD cuts his “Rah-Rah” promo. The announcers ponder on the meaning of “Shiz-nit.” This match spawns from the Holly Cousins costing the Outlaws the tag titles on the Smackdown before this show in a match against the Rock N’ Sock Connection.
My face when the Bengals lost again in the Playoffs on Sunday
– Call me crazy but Crash kinda looks like a redneck version of Tyson Kidd. Both teams start brawling to start out the match as RD and Crash are determined to be the legal men. The babyfaces work over Crash. RD tells Baby Holly to suck it before getting in his signature jab combo. Hardcore tries to get involved but he gets dropped by Mr. Ass.
– Dogg gets sent to the outside where Hardcore stomps a mudhole in him while the ref is distracted. The match follows the classic tag forumula as the dastardly heels cut the ring in half and get the heat on Dogg. I just realized, NAO matches always have the same formula when they are faces. Road Dogg is always the babyface in peril and Gunn always gets the hot tag. Hey, if it an’t broke, don’t fix it, I guess.
– The Hollys consider themselves to be Super Heavyweights. What a couple of goobers. Some good heel work by Crash as he uses the ropes for leverage while applying a Sleeper to RD. After countering a splash by Hardcore off the top, the leader of the Dogg Pound teases making a hot tag before getting cut off by Crash.
– After getting beat on for a long time, Dogg causes Hardcore to crotch himself while going for a dive off the top rope. One Superplex later, both men are down. Dogg makes the hot tag to his big homie Gunn. The crowd loves Mr. Ass as he runs wild on the baddies. After connecting with Stinger Splashes to both of his opponents, Gunn shows that he’s been watching lots of Nitro as he plants Crash with a Jackhammer. The ref doesn’t count the pin, however, due to being distracted by RD getting uppity about…his partner kicking too much ass, I guess? I don’t know.
– Seeing his cousin in trouble, Hardocre slides a chair into the ring for him to use. Because Crash is the goofiest of goobers, the chair winds up being used against him as Mr. Ass hits the Fame-Asser on it! I was all ready to write “The New Age Outlaws pick up the win” but the ref totally ignores Gunn’s cover and calls for the bell. I’m nothing short of shocked as the rules are actually followed and the Outlaws are disqualified for the unintentional chair use!
– Good match with a clever finish. Hats off to all four men involved here. Because he can’t have any credibility whatsoever, Hardcore gets laid out after the match with a Pumphandle Slam on the chair.
Match #4
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Good Housekeeping Match
Chyna vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ Miss Kitty’s puppies)(c)
– Just in case ya’ll forgot, Chyna earned this shot on that “This is Your Life, Rock” episode of Raw. Basically, Jarrett’s gimmick at this time was that he was gonna put every woman in the WWF in the Figure Four and “put them back in their place.” Damn Jarrett, I know girls got cooties but you ain’t got to be like that, homie. This match was made a Good Housekeeping match because they’ve been beating on each other with household appliances in the build to the match. If the hype video is any indication, this looks like a pretty good feud. As goofy as all the weapon use is, it still comes off like a real blood feud.
– A little background on this match before it starts. Jarrett’s contract expired the day before this show meaning that he had no contractual obligation to appear on the show and drop the belt before heading over to WCW to join his buddy Vince Russo. Jarrett allegedly asked for (and received) $300,000 to wrestle this match. So, if you wondering why Vince shat all over Jarrett in that one promo after he bought WCW, that’s why.
– Jarrett literally comes out with the kitchen sink. After coming out, Chyna yanks the champ out of the ring and starts laying into him with some horrendous forearm shots. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway.
-Double J gets sent back in the ring and cuts Chyna off by stomping on her while she’s sliding in. A Clothesline soon puts her back in control as she does her favorite activity in the world and busts Jarret’s balls with an Atomic Drop. Plunder comes into play as Chyna smashes a trash can over the champ’s head.
– The action goes to ringside as Chyna hits some whacky weapon shots, including a toilet seat lid. Jarrett gets a mouthful of banana and cream in his hair (I’m sure a very similar sentence has been written about Chyna in recent years) before Chyna goes right back to beating that ass.
– Chyna decides to take it to the extreme by doing an elbow drop off the apron to put Jarrett through the table but Double J moves at the last second. Jarrett goes for cover but Chyna somehow finds the strength to kick out. BTW, Chyna did a shitty looking elbow drop. When she jumped, it looked more like a Leg Drop.
– Jarrett turns the tide and starts getting in some weapon shots of his own. Chyna goes sailing out of the ring after a hard Irish-Whip into the corner. That was awesome. Chyna is bipolar in the ring, much like she is in life. Sometimes, she’s awful. Other times, she’s perfectly acceptable. Once in a blue moon, like that bump to the outside, she’s great.
– Jarrett gets Miss Kitty to pour flour in his hands, presumably so he can pimp slap his opponent, but it backfires as Chyna sends it into his face. Actually, it gets all over Chyna too but she doesn’t sell it like Jarrett does. With Jarrett down, Chyna pours some kind of white liquid (probably cream or milk) all over Miss Kitty. To be fair to Chyna, Snoop said this in 94. We don’t love these hoes. Double J proves how soft he is by cheap-shotting the distracted Chyna and going for the Figure Four. Chyna struggles in the hold for a long while as the crowd begs her not to tap before clawing her way to the ropes. Yes, you can hit your opponent with a broom and shit but rope breaks still apply. They aren’t animals, for God’s sake.
– Jarrett tries to hit an Axe Handle off the top but Chyna uses her signature low blow! Not done with her testicular assault, Chyna takes a set of tongs to Double J’s nuts resulting in me getting to screen-cap one of my favorite pictures in this series.
– The Ninth Wonder of the Word beats on Jarrett with everything she can get her hands on, including two pies which she smashes into the misogynists face. After using everything but the kitchen sink, Chyna uses the kitchen sink. I really wanted that to be the finish but no, Jarrett kicks out.
– Chyna tries to give a shout out to her bae by hitting a Pedigree onto a cake but the champ counters and Catapults her into the unsuspecting ref who’s in the corner. Ref Teddy Long goes down. …Ok. Why even bother having a ref bump in a match with No DQ’s? That annoys me. Anyway, Jarrett gets the belt from Miss Kitty and nails Chyna with it. He makes the cover and…gets the win? What da hale?
– Jarrett grabs his puppies and his belt before heading up the ramp to celebrate his win. Teddy Long stops him, however, and tells him that he cheated when he used the belt to win. After all, the IC title isn’t a household item! Technically, it’s a household item in Jarrett’s house. The match is restarted much Jarrett and Kitty’s dismay. Furious at the restart, Double J tries to put on the Figure Four on Long but gets El Kabong’d by Chyna. LMAO. So, let me get this straight. A title belt isn’t a household item but a fucking Guitar that was created for the sole purpose of being smashed over someone’s head is. I know, thinking too hard. Anyway, Chyna gets the win and the place goes nuts. Say what you will about this feud and the performers involved but there is no denying that both played their roles to perfection and got people invested in the storyline. I liked the match at Unforgiven and I liked this one even more.
– Hol’ up. Miss Kitty is leaving with Chyna. Gee, I wonder what that’s abCUT AWAY TO MATCH GRAPHIC~! Hate this production style, haha. JR didn’t give a shit about it. He briefly remarked “I wonder what’s going on there” before immediately moving on as if a major plot point didn’t just happen. How are you supposed to care if you get no time to digest or reflect on an angle? There are so many questions stemming from that one angle and everybody just moved on as if it was business as usual. Editing struggles aside, this gets a thumbs up.
Match #5
The British Bulldog vs. The Rock
– A video recap highlights the build to this feud. Brah, the gap in Rock and Bulldog’s promo skills is bigger than the gap in Michael Strahan’s teeth. It’s bigger than the gap between Chyna’s tits. It’s bigger than the gap between TNA wrestler Magnus’ eyebrows and his hairline.
– Yes, the video does show Bulldog taking a Rock Bottom into dog poop. Honestly, that video made this feud seem super one-sided. Looks like 90% of it has been Rock laying the Smackdown on Bulldog’s candy ass. The roof comes off the building when Rock comes out. The announcers argue over whether or not it matters that Rock came out without his half of the tag titles.
– Both men start swinging to start out the match with Rocky getting the better of the exchange and sending Bulldog to the outside. After geting beat on for a bit, Bulldog tosses a chair at Rock right in front of the ref. I will give you $3.16 if you can correctly guess whether or not this was a DQ. If you guessed “no”, suck it because I’m not sending you anything for being right. Bulldog sends Rock into the steps repeatedly but goes to the well one too many times allowing the People Champ to counter and force him to taste steel.
– It’s reshold time as Bulldog slaps a Chin Lock on nice and tight. Rocky gets out of it but the heel quickly regains control. Another Chinlock drains the Great One of his strength but babyface fire allows him to stay alive as he gets out of it. There’s a breakdown in communication between the two as they botch a Samoan Drop. It looked like Rock was going for the move while Bulldog thought they were doing a Back Body Drop. To both guys’ credit, they recovered well.
– Rock gets tied up in the ropes prompting the heel to go for a Yakuza Kick. Rocky escapes from his restraints at the perfect moment causing Bulldog to nut himself on the top ring rope. A DDT gets Rock a nearfall before Davey Boy hits Rock with the Running Powerslam. Of fucking course the Rock isn’t gonna lose to the British Bulldog so he gets his foot on the ropes during the pin attempt. Because he’s uncreative, Davey Boy tries to hit his finisher again but Rock counters by shoving him chest-first into the turnbuckle before planting him with the Rock Bottom! You all know what’s coming next. The Most Electrifying Move in Sports Entertainment, The People’s Elbow! One three count later and Rocky picks up the win. Lawler tries to dick-ride Rock after rooting for Bulldog during the match because he’s a heel like that.
– Considering my expectations were pretty low, that wasn’t bad at all. In fact, I would even say I liked that match. I’ve been pretty harsh on Bulldog but, to his eternal credit, his in-ring work was solid in this run from what I’ve seen. He looks great physically as well (although I’m sure it’s not by natural means) so its’ not like he’s useless or anything. The issue is that he’s so ridiculously out of place in this era. God bless the guy, he’s trying his hardest to adapt but it’s not working.