Fully Loaded Part 2
– Up next is an “Iron Circle” match between Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman. No idea what that is.
Match #6
Iron Circle Match
“The World’s Gooniest Man” Ken Shamrock vs. Steve “Hater of the” Blackman
– The story behind this one is that Blackman returned to the WWF the previous month and had attacked Shamrock several times, even costing him his KOTR Quarter-Final match against Billy Gunn.
– Turns out an “Iron Circle” match is just a Parking Lot Brawl. Cars surround the participants as random wrestlers serve as hype-men/spectators. The first man to leave the circle wins the match. Sounds really really stupid.
– LMAO. Despite the match happening in a parking lot, both guys get entrances complete with their theme music. God, I love pro wrestling.
– Of course, both guys are in their street clothes.
– Once both men have entered the parking lot, they size each other up for a few moments before Blackman runs toward Shamrock! Shamrock hip-tosses him onto a car and it’s on like a steamin’ pot of neckbones, daddy.
– Shamrock has the advantage early on, tossing Blackman into a couple of cars and just generally beating his ass. Blackman tries to fight back with a Spin Kick but only kicks out a car window as Shamrock moves out of the way.
– As the turds surrounding the circle honk the car horns, Blackman suddenly turns the tide after tackling Shamrock onto the hood of a car and punching him right in the yambag.
– Blackman kicks Kenny around for a bit before producing a steel chain. He attempts to hit Shamrock with it but Kenny avoids it and starts fighting back.
– They do some give and take brawling before Shamrock gets slammed onto a car hood. Blackman tries to go for the kill by hitting his opponent with a tire iron but Shamrock’s reflexes are too good and he avoids the shot.
– Kenny smashes a trash can over Blackman’s head before dragging him to the middle of the circle. Deciding that it’s time to go HAM, Shamrock wraps the steel chain that the Lethal Weapon tried to use earlier and proceeds to punch his face in. The Gooniest goon to have ever gooned lets out an animalistic roar before wrapping the chain around Blackman’s throat and choking him out. Shamrock is declared the winner as someone hopefully gets some milk and cookies for Blackman.
– Well, that happened. That was too short (it went maybe two minutes) for it to really be anything special but I enjoyed it while it lasted. Both guys brought the hate which is all I really ask for with matches like this.
– Terry Taylor is backstage with the Undertaker who apparently hasn’t seen the doctor yet as he is still bleeding quite a bit. Taylor tries to ask Taker how he feels about his chances in the main event but Taker simply tells him that the most dangerous animal is a hurt animal before going “GTFO” and tossing the former Red Rooster into the wall.
– In the actual interview area, Michael Cole asks Billy Gunn and Chyna about X-Pac’s condition after being mugged by Show and Taker earlier in the night. Chyna says that they don’t care about X-Pac’s condition before Gunn cuts a nonsensical promo about dollars and cents and how it’s eat or be eaten. “And tonight, me and Chyna are gonna have a feast.” I THINK he was basically trying to say “nice guys finish last, being a heel is awesome” but wow, Gunn is trash at promos. Like, ridiculously trash considering how pushed he was at this point.
Match #7
Winning Team Gets the Rights to the “D-X” Trademark
Chyna & “Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn vs. X-Pac & Road Dogg
– OH MY GOD, BILLY’S TIGHTS ARE SEE-THROUGH AND HE’S WEARING A THONG. GRODY TO THE MAX.
I hate life.
– Chyna is wearing the same thing. It’s slightly less disturbing.
– Both teams come out to the DX theme. Before the match starts, Road Dogg can’t help but cut a “Rah-Rah” DX promo where he puts over himself and Pac as the only two members of DX.
– Road Dogg & Chyna lock up to start the match. They go through a quick headlock sequence which Chyna gets the better of. After coming out on top in a similar sequence, Chyna turns her back to Dogg in typical “look at this cocky cocky heel” fashion. Dogg takes full advantage of her arrogance by drop-kicking her in the back leading to her colliding with her partner. Dogg goes for his Pumphandle Slam finisher but Gunn saves his partner by pulling her out of the ring.
– Dogg and Pac are pretty over but that’s like saying water is wet at this point.
– Gunn gets tagged in and is soon met by “Asshole!” chants from the crowd. He literally tells the crowd to “shut the fuck up!” but they ignores him.
– Angered by the crowd’s chants, Gunn goes toe-to-toe with his former tag partner. After a quick back-and-forth exchange, Gunn hits a Stinger Splash in the corner on his opponent. Just to be a bitch, Chyna sucker punches Dogg from the apron behind the ref’s back.
– Cutting the ring in half, the heels get the heat on Dogg, working him over with some basic kicky punchy offense.
– The announcers mentioned that X-Pac has been diagnosed with a concussion due to the Undertaker’s Chokelsam earlier but was still allowed to wrestle. Guys wrestling with (kayfabe) concussions because it was 99’ and they didn’t know any better.
– Crowd comes alive as Dogg gets his foot up on an attempted splash off the top rope by Mr. Ass. RD quickly makes the hot tag to X-Pac, who runs wild on the heels for a few seconds before being cut-off by Mr. Ass and getting necked on the ring ropes.
– It’s now X-Pac’s turn to play Ricky Morton as the baddies begin working him over. Pac teases a comeback here and there but the dastardly heels stop his momentum every time.
– Pac makes the tag to Dogg but the ref doesn’t see it meaning that Pac’s ass whooping must continue.
– J.R. basically calls Gunn’s tights fruity.
– Chyna tries to go for a Handspring Back Elbow (what a dumb move) but Pac counters with a Lariat. Pac makes the second hot tag of the match to Dogg. The Dogg Pound is fully behind Jesse James as he runs wild on the baddies, making sure to do Brian Cage proud by getting all of his shit in.
– The match breaks down (of course, it’s a DX match) as X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster on Chyna. Gunn tries to hit a Stinger Splash on Pac but his own partner actually pulls the babyface out of the way as she wants revenge for the salty X-Pac balls she had in her mouth. This leaves Gunn stunned in the ring where he falls victim to a Pumphandle Slam to give the good guys the win and the rights to the DX name!
– It was a super basic tag match with two hot tags for some reason. That may not sound like much but I enjoyed it. It wasn’t super complex and it didn’t have to be. There wasn’t any goofy run-ins or swerves, they just went out there and had an entertaining tag match that had the crowd hooked the entire time. I give this one a thumbs up.
– As him and Pac are celebrating on the ramp, RD grabs a mic and tells Chyna & Gunn to suck it.
– We go backstage where Austin is lacing up his boots in preparation for the main event tonight.
Match #8
Strap Match
Winner Become #1 Contender to the WWF Championship
HHH vs. The Rock
– Before the match, a video package plays detailing HHH and Rock’s history with each other, dating all the way back to their ladder match at Summerslam 98. They’ve been beefing pretty hard over the past couple months in particular.
– Off topic but I would like to use this space to call Tony Romo a bitch. Dude is such a choke artist and he makes me want to see him fail. He also looks a broke ass Ice-T.
– Also, Mike Nugent better not show his face in Cincinnati this week. Brah, you are the kicker. You had ONE JOB and you couldn’t get it done. Freaking Bungles.
– Anyhoo, Michael Cole is backstage with the Rock to interview him before the match. He tells Cole to “Know His Role and Shut His Mouth.” He mocks HHH for whining about backstage politics, basically saying that he wasn’t buried because of the MSG incident in 96’ but because he just straight up sucked. He also promises to turn the strap sideways and shove it up HHH’s poop chute. Rocky rattles off a few more catchphrases before heading to the ring.
“That’s kinda weird, guys. Not gonna lie.”
– Time for some old dumb shit. Rock starts laying into HHH with punches as soon he gets in the ring. The ref, despite Rock not being attached to the strap yet, just calls for the bell. What’s even the point if you are gonna just start the match while both guys can still move freely?
– Whatever, Rock lays the Smackdown on HHH as the crowd chants his name. Because he’s a babyface now, Rock just politely ties the strap onto his own wrist before he starts beating on HHH on the outside. He even borrows a camera from a fan so he can take a picture of HHH getting checked into the Smackdown Hotel.
– Rock spends a bit too much time dicking around as HHH starts firing off some punches of his own, stunning the Great One. They brawl over near the announce tables before HHH drops Rock neck first on the Spanish Announce Table.
– The Game sends Rocky back into the ring and takes control of the match, working over his opponent in his usual methodical style. The crowd tries to rally their hero back to life but HHH is relentless.
– Rock catches a break as he sends HHH into the ring steps. The Brahma Bull puts HHH on the back foot, sending him over the barricade for some good ol’ fashioned crowd brawling.
– They brawl in the crowd for a bit before Rock sends HHH over the guard-rail and onto the ramp. Before Rock can hop over the guard-rail himself, HHH pulls on the strap causing Rock to crash into the steel. Creative spot.
– They brawl and they brawl and they brawl until they get up near the set. There, HHH starts whipping Rock with the strap.
– “How many mules does the government own!?”- Jerry Lawler. Amazing.
– Rock counters a Suplex attempt on the ramp. Rock goes for a pin and I guess this is Falls Count Anywhere as the ref counts to two. HHH goes for a pin of his own after tossing Rock into more guard-rails but it’s not enough to give him the win.
– The fights makes it’s way back into the ring as HHH continues to whip Rock like a government mule. Out of pure desperation, Rock rakes The Game’s eyes but is still caught with a Running Knee to the face when he tries to shoot off the ropes.
– Chyna strolls out for some reason. The ref argues about her presence which distracts HHH long enough for Rock to catch him with a Rock Bottom! No count, however, due to the ref still being distracted by Chyna.
– Despite it being No-DQ, Chyna still feels the need to distract the ref so HHH can hit Rock with a low blow.
– While seated on the top rope, HHH chokes Rock with the strap as the Rock gasps and stutters for air. Eventually, Rock appears to be out like a light causing the ref to try and drop his arm three times to see if he can continue. Of course, The Great One comes back to life before the third drop. Fueled by babyface fire, Rock manages to toss HHH off the top causing both men to go down.
– For some incredibly odd reason, the ref starts counting both men out despite there being no count-outs in this match. Even J.R. points out the stupidity this time around.
– When both men get back to their feet, they trade blows before the Rock starts using the strap to his advantage, forcing HHH to run towards him.
– Being a big, fat cheater, HHH takes the strap off his wrist after tossing Rock to the outside. The ref is just kinda like “no please, don’t do that, come on, I don’t wanna get rough with you” as HHH cheats like a motherfucker. After working over Rock on the ramp, he grabs a steel chair and goes to hit Rock with it. The Great One sees it coming, however, and hits HHH with the strap to stop him.
– Rock whips HHH like his name was Kunta Kinta before sending him back into the ring. Rock hits a DDT on HHH but the Game kicks out. Immediately after the kick-out, Chyna distracts the ref giving Billy Gunn the opening needed to run in and nail Rock in the head with a club. Get it? Billy Club? Hyuck hyuck hyuck.
– If you’ve paid any kind of attention during this review series, I’m sure you guessed that’s not the finish. A furious HHH goes for the Pedigree but Rock connects with a low blow! He slams HH down and hits The Most Electrifying Move in Sports Entertainment, the People’s Elbow. That probably would have been the end if it wasn’t for Gunn yanking on Rock’s strap and pulling him off HHH before the ref’s count reached three.
– Mr. Ass tries to finish Rock off by running into the ring but Rocky cuts him off with a Rock Bottom. This would be his downfall as HHH takes advantage of the distraction and plants him with a Pedigree for the win.
– Great match. There appeared to be some confusion over the rules by the ref but other than that, this was easily match of the night so far. Both guys brought that hate and had a well-paced brawl. This match kicked the crap out of anything at KOTR.
– It’s main event time as we get a video package hyping up the First Blood match between Austin and Taker. So, I was wrong earlier when I was describing the stips for this match. The actual stips are that if Taker wins, Austin can never get another WWF title match. If Austin wins, Vince says that he’ll leave WWF (lol).
– Damn, Vince signed the contract for this match in Austin’s blood
– BITCH ASS TONY ROMO WON. BOOOOOO.
– “Undertaker, you want my blood? You sonuva bitch, I want a piece of your ass!”- Stone Cold. Pause.
– “SOMEBODY’S GONNA BLEED. SOMEBODY’S GONNA LEAVE!” J.R. That video package got me hype.
Match #9
WWF Championship
First Blood Match
The Undertaker vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin ©
– Before the match, Vince comes out on crutches. He forces Howard Finkle to announce him as the guest commentator for this match.
– For some reason, Taker doesn’t even have a bandage. So, I don’t know what’s up but he’s stopped bleeding by this point.
– In an effort to sell the importance of the match, they show both guys walking from their locker rooms out to the ring.
– The place goes nuts when glass shatters and the champ walks out from behind the curtain. Taker runs up to brawl with him on the ramp and this one is underway.
– Not messing around, Austin immediately tries to hit Taker in the head with his belt but The Deadman ducks the shot and lays into his opponent with punches, eventually sending Austin over the guard-rail.
– Austin can only cover up as the Deadman blasts him with blow after blow. Both men try to slam their opponent face-frst on the ring steps but fail.
– With Austin having been sent over the barricade, Taker tries to draw blood by hurling the ring steps at him. The Rattlesnake just barely moves out of the way in time.
– It;s an Austin PPV match in 99 so guess what it’s time for? CROWD BRAWLING~!
– Austin tries to hit Taker with the steps but he gets cut off. Vince is screaming for Taker to finish Austin, damn it!
– The challenger rips at Austin’s stitches before both men go back into the ring where Taker continues to target the Rattlesnake’s stitches.
– The announcers mention that Austin lost the title in this exact match type against Kane nearly a year ago.
– They do some give and take brawling before Austin catches Taker with a Chop Block. For some stupid reason, Austin starts targeting Taker’s knee despite it being impossible for him to win that way.
– Eventually, they go back over the barricade for a second serving of crowd brawling. Taker has the advantage as they make their way back to ringside and near the announce tables. The Phenom grabs a chair and swings for the fences but the champ moves out of the way in time. Austin avoids a couple more swings before hitting a Drop Toe Hold on Taker causing him to land face first on the steps. Taker’s still not bleeding though.
– The action soon goes back in the ring as we get a ref bump due to Taker accidentally bumping into Earl Hebner. It looked so hokey, Taker just barely brushed up against Hebner and he took this big bump for it. Austin goes for the Stunner but Taker pushes him off causing the challenger to trip over the ref and get tied up in the ropes.
– The crowd goes nuts as they realize that Taker can’t move and Austin has him right where he wants him. Much to the crowd’s delight, and Vince’s dismay, Austin grabs the chair that Taker tried to kill him with earlier and gets into the ring. Trying to save his father’s job, Shane McMahon hits the ring to try and stop Austin but he is immediately put down by an unprotected chair shot to the head!
– Shane’s run-in gives Taker the opening needed to untie himself from the ropes and start working over Austin. The Deadman informs Austin that “you’re gonna bleed, boy” before trying to smash his head into an exposed turnbuckle. Austin counters, however, and hits the STUNNER! STUNNER! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
– In a last ditch effort to stop the champ, Vince goes after Austin with his crutch but is quickly laid out. Austin grabs another chair to finish the job but the Deadman manages to cut him off by jabbing the first chair (that was still in the ring) into Austin’s ribs. He whacks it over the Rattlesnake’s back before laying out Earl Hebner for getting uppity with him.
– Chair in hand, Taker stalks Austin in preparation of a death blow but here comes X-Pac! He hits the ring and sends the chair into Taker’s face via a Van Daminator! The crowd is going nucking futs as X-Pac tells everybody to suck it before bailing from the ring. Somehow, Austin has managed to steal a camera from a member of the production crew which he uses to bust Taker wide open! Shane comes back in the ring but he’s immediately laid out by Austin.
– Despite bleeding like a stuck pig, Taker starts trading punches with Austin when he gets back up to his feet. He actually has Austin in position for the Tombstone before the ref sees the blood on Taker’s face and calls for the bell! Austin is the only champion to retain on this show!
– Super salty at his loss, Taker lays out Hebner before turning around right into a Stunner. Now that he has to live up to his promise to leave the WWF forever, Vince goes “fuck the world” and tries one last assault on Austin. Of course, the Rattlesnake drops that sorry sumbitch on his neck with a Stunner!
– It seems like it’s beer bash time but HHH runs-in to be a party pooper. He starts beating down Austin but the Rock is here to make the save! Rocky brawls with the Game up the ramp as Taker lays out Austin with a chair shot to the head in the ring.
– In a brawl worthy of being on WorldStarHipHop.com, Austin and Taker hammer away at each other as they both bleed like crazy. In the midst of the brawl, Taker shows that he simply has no fucks left to give as he puts Shane to sleep with a punch.
– Man, this may be the most violent thing I’ve seen since the unprotected chair shots in the Rock/Mankind I-Quit match. Finally, security rushes in to break up the brawl as the Undertaker seemingly tries to walk away. Austin is having none of that though and runs up to Taker so they can continue the brawl. BAH GAWD, IT’S CHAOS IN BUFFALO!
– Eventually, security holds Austin back as Taker retreats up the ramp. Meanwhile, Vince looks like he’s about to cry in the ring. Just to be an asshole, Austin offers Vince a farewell handshake. Like an idiot, Vince accepts the handshake only to end up staring up at the lights after one final Stunner. By the way, I think the Stunner count for this show is at 5. Pretty impressive for one show
– Bloodied and battered, Austin celebrates with his gold as Undertaker comes back out to pout on the ramp.
– I liked all of that. The match itself was a fun brawl and the post-match stuff was actually pretty awesome and really came off like an out-of-control war between the two toughest SOB’s in the company. Good ending.
So, that was Fully Loaded. This was probably the best show that I’ve reviewed so far. There was nothing that I outright hated and both HHH/Rock and Austin/Taker were really good. The DX tag match and the opener were enjoyable as well. Hell, I wouldn’t be opposed to watching that show again. Can’t wait to see what Summerslam brings!
Match of the Night: The Rock vs. HHH
Worst Match of the Night: The Acolytes vs. The Hardys & Michael Hayes
Updated Rankings:
- The Rock vs. Mankind (Royal Rumble, WWF title, I-Quit match)
- The Rock vs. Mankind (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, WWF title, Last Man Standing)
- The Rock vs. Stone Cold (Backlash, WWF title, No Holds Barred w/ special ref Shane McMahon)
- The Rock vs. HHH (Fully Loaded, Winner becomes #1 Contender to WWF title, Strap Match)
- X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon (WM XV, European title)
- The Rock vs. Stone Cold (WM XV, WWF title, No-Disqualification)
- The Rock vs. HHH (Over the Edge)
- Steve Austin vs. The McMahons (King of the Ring, Winner(s) gain 100% control of the WWF, Ladder match)
- The Undertaker vs. Steve Austin (Fully Loaded, WWF title, First Blood)
- HHH vs. X-Pac (Backlash)
- Kane & X-Pac vs. Mark Henry & D-Lo Brown (Over the Edge, WWF Tag Team titles)
- Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, I-C title, Special Ref: Billy Gunn)
- D-Lo Brown & Mark Henry vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Tag Team titles)
- Kane & Chyna vs. HHH & X-Pac (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
- Bob Holly vs. Al Snow (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
- Edge vs. Jeff Jarrett (Fully Loaded, I-C title)
- Billy Gunn & Chyna vs. Road Dogg & X-Pac (Fully Loaded, Winners get the rights to the DX trademark)
- New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (Backlash, Winners become #1 Contenders to tag titles)
- Big Show vs. Mankind (Backlash, Boiler Room Brawl)
- Big Bossman vs. Al Snow (Fully Loaded, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
- Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock (Royal Rumble, I-C title)
- Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn (WM XV, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
- D-Lo Brown vs. Mideon (Fully Loaded, European Championship)
- Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock (Fully Loaded, Iron Circle Match)
- Kane vs.Big Show (Fully Loaded, Special Ref: Hardcore Holly)
- X-Pac vs. Gangrel (Royal Rumble, European title)
- X-Pac vs. Billy Gunn (King of the Ring, KOTR Final)
- Road Dogg vs. The Big Bossman (Royal Rumble)
- Kane vs. HHH (WM XV)
- Road Dogg vs. Chyna (King of the Ring, KOTR Quarter-Final)
- Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean (WM XV, Brawl 4 All)
- Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly (Backlash, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
- D-Lo Brown & Test vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (WM XV, Tag Team titles)
- Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn (King of the Ring, KOTR Quarter-Final)
- Road Dogg vs. X-Pac (King of the Ring, KOTR Semi-Final)
- The Brood (Edge & Christian) vs. The Hardy Boys (King of the Ring, Winners become #1 contenders to the tag titles)
- Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust vs. Road Dogg (WM XV, I-C title, Elimination Fatal Four Way)
- The Acolytes vs. The Hardys & Michael Hayes
- The Union vs. The Corporate Ministry (Over the Edge, Elimination 8-Man tag)
- Goldust vs. The Godfather (Backlash, I-C title)
- Kane vs. Billy Gunn (King of the Ring, KOTR Semi-Final)
- Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly (Over the Edge, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
- Val Venis & Nicole Bass vs. Jeff Jarrett & Debra (Over the Edge)
- The Brood vs. The Ministry of Darkness (Backlash, Six man tag)
- The Big Bossman vs. The Undertaker (WM XV, Hell in a Cell)
- Hardcore Holly vs. X-Pac (King of the Ring, KOTR Quarter-Final)
- The Big Bossman vs. Mideon (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
- Mankind vs. Big Show (WM XV, Winner refs main event)
- Royal Rumble Match (Royal Rumble)
- Stone Cold vs. Vince McMahon (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Steel Cage, if Austin won, he got a WWF title match at WM XV)
- Billy Gunn vs. Road Dogg (Over the Edge)
- Stone Cold vs. The Undertaker (Over the Edge, WWF title, Special refs: Vince & Shane McMahon)
- Ken Shamrock vs. The Undertaker (Backlash)
- Sable vs. Luna (Royal Rumble, Women’s title, Strap match)
- The Rock vs. The Undertaker (King of the Ring, WWF title)
- Goldust vs. “Bluedust” (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
- Kane vs. Big Show (King of the Ring, KOTR Quarter-Final)
- Sable vs. Tori (WM XV, Women’s title)
