As October approaches, it’s time to take in the Halloween spirit, what better way to bring that out than getting into the lunacy that is The Asylum. This week film involves action schlock with at least 600% more Y chromosomes than the leading brand. It’s Asylum’s answer to THE EXPENDABLES, as only the Asylum can.
The Story
A visiting dignitary is captured and imprisoned while touring a war zone. A team of elite female commandos is dispatched to infiltrate the women’s prison and rescue her.
The Bullets
-Released: August 9th 2014.
-Released by The Asylum
-Runtime: 90 minutes
-Languages: English
The Dissection
So, has the last EXPENDABLES film left you feeling a bit cold, or reinforcing your door? Has the various direct to DVD action films featuring the stars of yesterday not scratching that itch you have? Well, the Asylum has it’s own remedy for you, although the “its own” part could be argued to an extent.
Kate Hudson Clay (Zoe Bell), not being locked in there with them, but them being locked in there with her.
The film starts off with the daughter of the president getting kidnapped by a terrorist organization who runs the third world country she was visiting. However, since she cannot build a suit in a cave with a box of scraps, marking this as the biggest missed opportunity in Asylum history, the government brings together four bad ass prisoners together to form a team and attempt a rescue.
First off, you have the team leader in Clay, played by Zoe “Wait, really?” Bell. Then you have the loose cannon in Raven, played by Stevie-less Vivica A Fox. Then you have the marksman of the group, Kat, played by Bloodrayne herself, Kristanna Loken. Finally, as the bomb expert, you have “Lady Not Good Enough to Appear on the Cover” Nicole Bilderback as Mei-Lin.
To start off, the group really have no chemistry with each other. It’s less a team issue and more of a bunch of people who just happened to go around at the same time. Plus, apart from Raven, characterization is pretty much a free for all. Clay goes through at least 3 different characters before the end of the movie. Mei-Lin’s main characteristic is she’s sarcastic, a characteristic that disappears due to everyone else being sarcastic as well. Kat is the human scratch post, due to all the pawing she gets during the movie and that is what her entire character revolves around.
As for the other people on the cover, Brigitte Nielsen is playing Ulrika, the leader of the terrorist group. She does a good job in her role. She does have some threat to her, even though it can fall flat due to a bad special effect. The scene that involves her trying to psyche out her hostage who is holding a noticeably rubber knife to her throat is a notable one. As for Cynthia Rothrock………..ugh. Okay, while Rothrock is considered a pretty good action star in her own right, she’s a pretty lousy actress. So, the decision made to have her have to act through her scenes and do none of the action is a very bad one.
Guess who found Flava Flav?
Moving on, we have the big issue with the film, and that’s the action. First off, a lot of the action is done in slow motion. Not like Zack Snyder style of stylistic slow motion, but just taking the footage and slowing it down. It removes any sort of impact the actual hits might have. It only gets worse with the gunplay, which has the actors pantomime using the weapons, leading to Raven having what is honestly the most ridiculous looking dual firing stance ever recorded. Finally, for an action movie, there’s very little action. The biggest stunt of the film, not involving CG, involve Clay falling several feet backwards onto the top of a trailer top. Underwhelming, thy name is this film.
On the extras, the film has a behind the scenes video that features the process of making the film, as well as a gag reel. Also, standard for Asylum films, a ton of trailers for other Asylum films, one of which will be the next review.
The Verdict
Similar to another mercenary film, there are some elements of the movie that could lead to a decent film, but it really squanders it. It’s a mess of a film that tries to bring to mind the action of the past, but it really only serves as a film to watch with a group and bask in the ridiculousness.
….
Kind of like THE EXPENDABLES, so I guess well done there, Asylum.