The Best (and Worst) of Monday Night Raw (8/25/14)
Are you hype for tonight’s Raw? You want to STAY HYPED~! for the show? Well, let’s look back at the best (and worst) that last week’s Raw had to offer.
Best:
3. Damien Mizdow (Moneymaker Madness)
Hey, do you remember when Damien Sandow was Mr. MITB? Of course you don’t because this week he wrestled as Damien Mizdow, The Miz’s stunt double. These Sandow impersonations are usually hit or miss but this week was a hit for me. Mainly because most of this show was pretty boring and this actually made me laugh. “The King of Goobers” Mizdow replaced Miz in his scheduled match with Ziggler. He had a fun, albiet very short, battle with the IC champion before eating a Zig-Zag and getting his shoulders pinned to the mat. Is Sandow intentionally being sabotaged as a part of some grand, maniacal scheme by HHH to ensure that he is the most successful student Killer Kowalski ever had? The world may never know. Either way, this was a fun segment.
2. All Hail the Roman Empire (Roman is a goon)
After months of seemingly avoiding his former Shield partner after their split in June, Roman Reigns finally confronted Seth Rollins by interrupting his mock funeral for WWE’s resident Titty Master, Dean Ambrose. Angered by Roman ruining his “fuck Dean Ambrose” party, Rollins used his “pull” to string together a match between himself and Korporate Kane against the Jungle Man (that’s a joke only people on the forums will get, no regrets). Roman, being the gooniest goon of the 21st century, managed to overcome both men and almost defeated both of them before being struck with Rollins’ MITB briefcase for the intentional DQ in a total bitch move by the bad guys. After the match, Kane revealed a stack of cinder blocks (where do they keep finding these things?) so that the heels could recreate American History X just like they did last week with Ambrose. Reigns supermanned up, however, and sent the heels packing after almost killing Rollins by throwing a freaking cinder block at his head. I know some people aren’t fond of the Reigns pushed but I enjoyed pretty much all of this. It made Roman look like a total bad ass by handily defeating two men at once. His 44 will make sure all yo kids don’t grow.
1. Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman promo video (Lesnar trash talks like it helps his teeth stay white)
Another Monday night, another awesome Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman video. This week’s video was addressing Lesnar’s upcoming title defense at Night of Champions against the man that he murdered for the title, John Cena. Lesnar says that Cena’s “Never Give Up” mentality actually works against him because it caused him to keep getting up at Summerslam only to get his ass beat some more. According to Heyman, Lesnar is outright humiliation that Cena would even DARE to challenge Lesnar again so soon after getting murked in LA. Lesnar. Lesnar basically says that he’s the big bad bully that’s gonna eat Cena’s lunch for good at NOC. Much like all the other Lesnar/Heyman videos, this was awesome and WWE’s production crew did an awesome putting it together. They can continue from now until the end of time as far as I’m concerned.
Worst
3. Natalya is a sore loser (Where’s Eva Marie!?)
“The Legendary” Bret Hart’s neice
Boos were just flowing out of my mouth as I watched the female Chavo Guerrero Natalya wrestle Diva’s champion Paige in a slightly above average divas TV match. Much to my amusement, Natalya lost. As I was getting my seven chuckles in at someone who I don’t like losing (because I’m super petty like that), AJ did her goofy skipping routine as she came out onto the stage to distract Paige because that has to happen every week in this feud. With Paige focused on AJ, Natalya showed that she had recently renewed her license to be a bitch as she attacked Paige from behind. Yes, the babyface was mad that they lost a fair fight so they jumped the heel from behind while they were distracted by another babyface. …Did WWE resign Vince Russo without telling anyone? Viewers of Total Divas know that Natty is the absolute worst and she proved it here tonight. #WeWantEva
2. Cena murks Bray Wyatt (Also, Big Show and Mark Henry are here for some reason)
You know, I watched John Cena debut on Smackdown back in 2002 when I was six years old. For almost 50% of my life, Cena has been the top guy in wrestling. I’ll probably always have a soft spot for the guy. That being said, my lord, his booking is unbearable. A prime example of why was on display in the main event of this Raw as he absolutely decimated Bray Wyatt. Never mind that Bray has been one of the most protected and over acts of the past year. Never mind that Bray and Cena were having competitive matches not even 3 months ago. Nope, Cena has to get his heat back after losing to Lesnar so they had him straight up squash Bray. Cena dropped The Eater of Worlds on his head a gazillion times and even got in a MMA-inspired ground and pound before Luke Harper and Erick Rowan ran in for the DQ. This prompted Mark Henry and Big Show to come sprinting down the ramp to even the odds and turn the slaughter of Bray into a six-man tag. They dicked around in a house-show level match before the good guys picked up the victory. After the match, Cena destroyed the already defeated Wyatts some more because Lesnar made him feel like he has a tiny weiner. This was just dumb. I get Cena squashing someone but why have it be one of the most over guys in the company? Really counterproductive booking here.
1. Brie Bella/Nikki Bella family spat (#diedinthewomb)
Talk about taking it back to 99’, motherfuckers. More Bella Twins drama ensued on this show as the two Total Divas confronted each other in a segment that would have been right at home on the Jerry Springer show. Brie tried to convince her sister that the feud between them needs to end by reminding her all of the good times they had together. “This is Brianna talking to Nicole”, according to Mrs. Brie Mode. Nikki was having none of it, however, and buried Brie just like she did the week before, saying that Brie has always held her back. With tears running down Brie’s face, Nikki took the segment to a whole ‘nother level by screaming, “I WISH YOU HAD DIED IN THE WOMB!” before attacking her sister. You know that one Matt Hardy promo from 2005 where he wished that Edge would die in a car crash? Yeah, the crowd reacted the same way here. The crowd could only sit in uncomfortable silence as the two girls had a pull-apart brawl to end what has to be a candidate for worst Raw segment of the year. Neither Bella is a very good actor, the crowd isn’t into this feud at all, and the #diedinthewomb comment was the cherry on the poop sundae.
The Rest of Raw:
As I said earlier, this was a pretty dull episode of Raw with nothing else of note really happening. The entire company feels like it’s on autopilot after blowing it’s load on Summerslam. Lots of repeat TV matches on this show. I believe Cesaro and RVD had their 800th match since RVD came back this year. Hopefully, tonight’s episode of Raw will be an improvement.