King of the Ring: Part 2
– For those of you just joining us, the KOTR Semi-Finals are set as Kane taking on “Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn and a DX explosion in the form of X-Pac taking on Road Dogg
– Michael “Black As” Cole is backstage with the Rock. Rock hilariously makes Cole flinch like the bitch-made punk he is before cutting his promo. The Great One does his usual “I’mma take your belt AND your girl” trash talking and promises to check Taker into the Smackdown Hotel. I know this is gonna be hard to believe but the Rock cut a great promo. I know, I know, that’s almost unheard of.
Match #5
Winners become #1 Contenders to the Tag Titles
The Brood (Edge & Christian) (w/ Gangrel) vs. The Hardy Boys (w/ Michael Hayes (lol))
– These two teams tried to have a match on Sunday Night Heat but the Acolytes ran in during it and caused a no-contest. Thus, Commissioner Shawn Michaels demanded that the match be restarted on the main PPV. It’s worth noting that Bradshaw and Farooq just KILL Edge and Hardy with their finishers. Like, I kinda think Edge and Matt legit owe the APA some money. It was that stiff.
– The Hardys have super generic music as they come out with P.S. Hayes. Hayes appears to be carrying some kind of belt for some odd reason as the Hardys run down to the ring to kickstart the match with a brawl. The camera didn’t even focus in on their faces.
– The brawl lasts like two seconds before Matt & Christian start out the match. They dick around a bit before Jeff gets tagged in.
– Michael Hayes is screaming “DON’T STOP!” I’m sure Rosa Mendes is used to hearing that.
– Jeff gets in a bit of offense before getting caught with a Gutbuster. Edge gets tagged in and they hit a Double Hip-Toss on the Hardy.
– Christian decided to wear his trench coat for this match because 99’ motherfuckers.
– Edge hammers away on Jeff before sending him into the corner. Hardy tries to hit a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors but Edge counters it into a nasty looking Alabama Slam.
– Jeff gets his knees up on a Splash attempt by Edge and tags in his brother. The Hardys quickly capitalize and hit Poetry in Motion.
– Christian gets tagged in as the crowd sits on their hands.
– No clue who the faces/heels are in this match, BTW.
– I guess The Brood are the faces and Edge gets a hot tag and comes in as a house en fuego. Jeff takes a pretty awesome bump for a clothesline.
– Behind the ref’s back, Hayes comes into the ring and cheap-shots Edge with an incredibly wimpy shot. It’s still enough to stop his momentum dead as Jeff catches him with a Northern Lights Suplex and bridges it. I thought that was gonna be the finish but no, Christian breaks up the pin. Crowd was dead silent for all of that
– Match breaks down as Hayes, swear to god, hops over the top rope in what is actually a pretty impressive feat for a man his age. He still gets caught with a Running Hug from Edge.
– Awesome spot as the Hardys go for Poetry in Motion again but Edge has it well scouted, catching Jeff with a Spear off the top! “The Damndest Spear you’ve ever seen!”- JR. If only he knew what these two teams would be doing with the Dudleys in the next couple of years.
– Stupidly, that great spot is not the finish as Matt saves his brother and breaks up the pin.
– Matt gets sent to the outside and Christian goes flying out of the ring with a nice looking Plancha from the turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Gangrel is beating on Hayes.
– Inside the ring, Edge and Jeff are battling as Gangrel tries to spit blood into Jeff’s eyes. In a SWERVE~!, he accidentally spits it into Edge’s eyes. Jeff hits Edge with the Twist of Fate (which JR simply refers to as a Neckbreaker) and gets the win.
– Very middle of the road match. Not bad by any means but the crowd was dead for most of it. The fans started getting into it a little bit during the last couple of minutes or so when the action picked up.
– After the match, Gangrel explains his screw up to Edge who forgives him immediately. The Brood group hug. Dawww.
– They replay the spear spot two more times, showing off how cool the spot was. Yet it couldn’t be the finish. Man, that’s annoying.
– Cole is backstage with the Undertaker who doesn’t have his belt for some reason. Cole asks the Deadman if he thinks he can withstand the charge of the Brahama Bull. Taker mocks the question and comes up with his one of his own. “What happens when your rip the balls of a bull?” Cole looks horrified yet intrigued but Taker just walks off without finishing his thought. Well, that was wacky.
HA HA, I LOVE IT MAGGLE
– Vince McMahon power-walks his way down to the ring. Before he can say a word, “Asshole!” chants fill the arena. Vince does his Stephanie Tanner impression and calls the crowd rude.
– Vinnie Mac says that he believes in Survival of the Fittest but he thinks it’s bullshit that HBK let his son get murked by Shamrock on Sunday Night Heat. In fact, Shane is so badly hurt, he can’t even compete tonight!
– Vince says that the main event is cancelled because no way in hell is he facing Austin in a fair fight again. The billionaire tries to leave the ring but is interrupted by Commish HBK, who appears on the soundstage with a mic of his own.
– HBK says that Vince can’t fool him and that he decides which matches do and do not take place. Vince actually cuts HBK off and lets him know that, per the Commissioner’s own orders, he gets to pick a “suitable” replacement for his son to wrestle with him in the main event tonight. Vince totally one-ups Shawn by promising victory before demanding that they play his music.
– Well, that happened.
Match #6
KOTR Semi-Final
“Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn vs. Kane
Getting too old for this shit
– As soon as the bell rings, Mr. Ass starts laying into Kane with punches. Kane, being Kane, no-sells it and returns fire with some open-handed strikes.
– Kane beats on Gunn some more before the heel rolls to the outside. Kane goes after him and slams his head on the steel steps. The Big Red Machine apparently doesn’t give a fuck about this match as he almost gets himself DQ’ed by hurling the steps at Gunn. Before he can do it, Gunn Dropkicks the steps into his face.
– Gunn gets the heat on Kane and starts working him over outside of the ring, throwing him face first into the ring post and various parts of the barricade.
– The action heads back inside the ring as Gunn continues to work Kane over.
– It’s resthold time as Gunn does some weird kind of sleeper. Crowd goes mild.
– Mr. Ass tries to wrap this one up with the Fame-Asser but Kane catches him and turns it into a Powerslam. Just to show off, the former WWF champion sends Gunn to the outside with a dropkick of his own.
– Gunn doesn’t care about this match either as he grabs a chair and tries to sneak into the ring with it. This might have been a smart strategy if REF TEDDY LONG WASN’T RIGHT THERE. What a goober, he really couldn’t figure out that “hey, if I use this, I lose?” Classic Vince Russo stuff here, guys just straight up forget the rules of the match because “storytelling.”
– Regardless of what Gunn was planning, it doesn’t work as Big Show has come down to the ring and snatches the chair from Gunn before he can get in the ring with it. Gunn gets uppity with Show before Kane reaches outside of the ring and grabs him by his hair. It turns out that Show just wanted to return the favor from earlier, however, as he whacks Kane in the head with the chair. Somewhere in this donnybrook, the ref took a bump thus missing the chair shot. Gunn picks up the scraps and covers Kane for 3. Mr. Ass is going to the finals!
– Another nothing match. It ended before it ever really got a chance to get going.
– After the match, Kane gets back up to his feet, grabs the chair that whacked him, and heads to the back with money on his mind. Or maybe just revenge.
– Wack ass Kevin Kelly is backstage with X-Pac. Pac cuts a poor promo where he basically wants the best man to win between him and Road Dogg. Yeah, Pac was that dude but he wasn’t a great promo guy.
Match #7
KOTR Semi-Final
X-Pac vs. Road Dogg
– Road Dogg gets to cut a brief promo with Kevin Kelly as well. It’s better than X-Pac but well below his usual work. He promises victory because he wants to win KOTR and be the very best, like no one ever was.
– No DX “Rah-Rah” promo this time around as both men lock up to start the match.
– Pac takes control of the match early on by using his speed to his advantage. Dogg soon comes back with his signature jab combo but Pac ducks under the last punch. He tries to hit a Spin Kick but Dogg has it scouted and levels him with a punch. Great little exchange there, it showed just how well these two know each other.
– Dogg remains on offense for a bit before Pac catches him with a Spin Kick. Pac busts his own balls by missing the Bronco Buster after Road Dogg moves out of the way. Dogg tries to capitalize with his Pumphandle Slam finisher but Pac gets out of that and hits the X-Factor outta nowhere!!! One pinfall later and this one is already over.
– Another nothing match. Considering that it went like three minutes, it wasn’t bad. It was still a three minute match though meaning they couldn’t really do anything.
– Lawler is being a shit stirrer by insisting that DX is gonna break up because of this match. The degenerates prove him wrong (for the time being anyway) by hugging and leaving the ring together. The King is sickened by this friendship nonsense. Back in his day, you turned on your best friend if you weren’t a pussy!
– Video plays hyping up the WWF Championship match between Taker and Rock. Rock won a Triple-Threat match between himself, Taker, and HHH on Raw to earn this shot. Also, I think HHH and Taker are beefing now.
Match #8
WWF Championship
The Rock vs. The Undertaker ©(w/ Paul Bearer)
– Rock has been one of the MVPs in this review series from a match quality perspective so let’s see if he can drag something good out of Taker who has been pretty dookie in evey match he’s had on PPV this year.
– Loud “Rocky!” chants before the match
– Hahaha, before the match can even get started, Taker sucker punches the ref and lays him out as he is trying to take the champ’s title belt outside of the ring. Awesome, it came off like Taker did it for no reason other than to be a complete asshole.
– Taker catches Rocky with some punches before the Rock hits the Rock Bottom. It’s like the Rock is an AI controlled player in WWE 2k14 and just randomly got a finisher because he was getting beat on.
– Rock goes for the cover and gets the visual three count but there is no ref to make the official count. Finally, another ref slides in and almost counts to three before being pulled out by Paul Bearer and being laid out. So yes, not even two minutes into the match, we have had two ref bumps. This match is gonna be a special kind of over-booking, I can just tell.
– There is blood on the mat for some reason. No idea if it’s from Shamrock earlier.
– Anyway, Rock tries to stay on offense but Taker hits him with a Chokeslam. He makes the cover but the challenger kicks out. “How many athletes can say they have done that?”- JR. Quite a few, you moron.
– Rock transforms into the Brahma Wolf as he no-sells the Chokeslam and rallies his way back into the match with a Clothesline.
– Taker tries to take a powder on the outside but Rock goes after him. JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING WWF TITLE MATCH THIS YEAR ON PPV, they brawl near the crowd and soundstage.
– Ref isn’t even trying to count either guy out so not sure what’s up with that.
– They dick around for a while before Taker suplexes Rock on the ramp. After tossing Rock back in the ring, he beats on him some more before going for Old School. Rock sees it coming, however, and causes the champ to nut himself on the ring ropes!
– For no reason other than he’s the Rock damn it, Rocky grabs a water bottle and spits a mouthful of water into the Deadman’s face.
– It’s time for some crowd brawling as Rocky sends Taker’s candy ass into the WWF Universe. They do some give and take brawling before Rock throws the jabroni back over the barricade.
– I guess it’s No-DQ as Rock grabs a chair in plain view of the ref and tries to nail Taker in the head with it. Not wanting to take an unprotected chair shot, The Deadman actually uses the ring bell to deflect the shot and send the chair flying back into the challenger’s face. Really hokey looking spot.
– Wait. Disqualifications DO apply in this match because JR just said that Taker don’t care about getting DQ’ed while he was raking his elbow over Rock’s face. How was Rock allowed to use the chair then!? Christ, that’s the type of stuff that pisses me off. It’s not like it’s great now but the rules in this era are totally ambiguous. Rules are just followed and not followed for no real rhyme or reason.
– Bearer heels it up by nailing Rock in the head with his shoe behind the ref’s back.
– Rock tries to make a comeback but gets caught with a nice looking DDT that he sells big time. Being the valiant babyface, Rock kicks out before 3.
– Taker slaps on a resthold before Rocky tries to mount another comeback. The champ quickly squashes it and slaps on another rest hold.
– The crowd is fully behind the challenger as he wills his way back up to his feet and catches the Deadman with a Half-Samoan/Half-Black Drop.
– A double clothesline causes both men to go down. Both men slowly drag themselves up to their feet before Rock begins laying into Taker with some right-hands. Taker holds his ground and goes for the Tombstone Piledriver but Rock slips out the back and plants him with a DDT. An exhausted Rock throws his arm over Taker but it’s not enough to win him the title.
– We get our third ref bump of the match as ref Mike Chioda goes down (again) after a collision with Rock due to a countered Irish-Whip. Rock don’t care about that goober as he Body Slams Taker and connects with the People’s Elbow! For the third time this match, Rock gets a visual pin over the champ but again, no ref to actually make the count.
– The Brahma Bull tries to revive the ref to no avail before getting low-blowed by Taker. Bearer must think it’s time that Rock went night-night n**** as he has a chloroform/ether rag in his hand. He hands it to Taker but Rock tells The Phenom that no means no and begins running wild on him. He knocks the champ down with some Clotheslines before grabbing the rag and using it on Taker!
– Just when it seems like all hope is lost for the heel, here comes HHH. He drags Rock off Taker and plants him with a Pedigree before fleeing from the ring. So, I guess HHH and Taker aren’t beefing.
– Both men are down (Taker from the chloroform rag, Rock from the Pedigree) so the ref starts his ten count. Taker makes it to his feet before immediately collapsing on top of Rock. Somehow, Rock kicks out so this match MUST CONTINUE~! Overbooking, everybody.
– Turns out there was literally no point to Rock kicking out as he gets beat seconds later by a Tombstone Piledriver. That’s another thing that annoys me. If you must have someone run-in, why not just have that be the finish? Why even bother with some goofy false finish if the dude is gonna beat ten seconds later anyway? Just stupid. Either way, Taker retains.
– Match itself was…I don’t know what to make of it honestly. It was overbooked, it was sloppy, and there wasn’t really anything all that good that happened in it. BUT, I didn’t hate it. Maybe I’m just being lenient but from the way some people talk about this match, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Wasn’t any good, mind you, but I have certainly seen worse from Taker in this review series.
#GASSED