If one thing’s becoming increasingly evident, it’s that I absolutely suck at time management. So once again, here’s the ultra-late edition of MMAdness! This week, we’ve got a good one, in the form of Fedor Emilianenko v Kevin Randleman.
Now, if you’ve been following MMA for even a small while, you’ve probably heard of Fedor Emilianenko. Nicknamed “The Last Emperor”, which is badass as fuck, and playing it up by walking out to an old Russian folks song about Cossacks riding into battle. Again, badass as all fuck. Emilianenko was known as one of, if not the best Heavyweights in the world for years, despite holding the distinction of never fighting in the UFC, meaning he earned all these accolades without having the widespread coverage that the UFC holds. Yeah, he’s that damn good!
Why else would they give him a badass throne?
He was born in Russia, serving as a military firefighter for a while before him and his brother competed in various Russian promotions. It was in 2002, when he debuted in PRIDE that he really took off. The following 9 years saw him going undefeated, his streak starting a little before his PRIDE debut, ending in 2012 with a loss against Fabricio Werdum in Strikeforce. He then suffered another two losses, leaving to him leaving Strikeforce, then managing to get a few minor wins before finally retiring in June 2012, ending his 12 year career. Simply put, Fedor was by far one of the most dominant Heavyweights of all time, despite being relatively small for the division, possessing ridiculous striking power and amazing submission skills.
He left a meteor-sized impact on the MMA world, with many calling him the Babe Ruth or Pele of MMA, with everyone lauding him as a true legend in the business, even if Dana White wasn’t a fan of him, and the whole time, he didn’t show any emotion. At all.
EMOTION IS FOR WEAKLINGS.
Kevin Randleman was no slouch in himself, being a multiple time NCAA champion and All-American status. He debuted in the UFC in 1999, after training under UFC hall of famer Mark Coleman, winning the UFC championship in short order, although he lost it after a year to Randy Couture.
He spent the majority of his career in Japan in PRIDE and a few other promotions, having mixed results and retiring in 2012 after losing to a Russian judo black belt. Whilst he didn’t accomplish much, Randleman earned a reputation for being rather entertaining in his fights, doing stuff like tossing his opponents around via the art of high angle German Suplexes. And kinda looking like “The Gold Standard” Shelton Benjamin.
AIN’T NO STOPPING ME, NOOOOOW!
Anyway, onward to the fight!
We start with both men facing off, with Fedor practicing his navel gazing before his touches gloves with Randleman, not looking up the whole time. What is it with Eastern European fighters making me draw comparisons to robots? Because real talk, Fedor is looking like a fucking terminator up in here!
Well, a kinda husky looking terminator. Seriously, the difference in physiques here is so noticeable, Randleman being all oiled up and muscular, whereas Fedor is kinda…average looking and pale. I mean, he looks like a dude you’d see at the supermarket buying an excessive amount of Special Brew or something. Not someone who’s been dubbed “The Last Emperor of Russia”.
The beverage of Emperors, evidently.
But I digress! Both fighters approach each other as the bell rings, with neither one throwing any punches. But then, it all kicks off, with Randleman shooting for a takedown, lifting Fedor off his feet, to which Fedor stays calm and just punches Randleman in the face before he gets slammed down onto the mat. Hard.
They both jostle for position on the ground, with Fedor turning his back to Randleman. Now, remember those High angle German Suplexes I mentioned earlier? Yeah, Randleman likes them. And boy does he show it here, hoisting Fedor high into the air, then dumping him straight down on his head. And I mean spiking him. Really, I think he killed Fedor then, but Fedor was too stubborn to die.
Somewhere, Brock Lesnar is smiling. And covered in animal blood.
Fedor, naturally as one does after being dumped on their head, continues to try and fight out, with Randleman, seemingly in shock that his attempted murder didn’t work moves to North South and knees Fedor in the head a few times.
Fedor laughs at this attempt, and quickly, and frighteningly easily, he slips out from underneath Randleman and takes side control. Randleman then attempts to move to a better position, but fails to do so, ending up with a face full of Emperor crotch as Fedor rains punches down on his head.
Randleman attempts to defend himself, raising an arm in defence. but ever the wily veteran, Fedor grabs his arm, forcing it down and locking in a Kimura to end this fight at 1:33 of the first round. We then get a replay of the suplex from earlier, which shows from another angle that Fedor’s chin practically collapsed into his collar bone, yet he managed to just shrug it off and keep on chugging.
Hawk saw him no-selling it and was like “Damn dude, excessive.”
Anyway, on that note, we come to a close of another article! Once again, I apologise for the delay between them, once my schedule becomes more consistent again I’ll be able to keep rolling them out more.
Be sure to go back and read any other articles you’ve missed, and follow me on Twitter @TheeAJPowell, who knows, I might actually use it! And you do not want to miss that!
Okay, maybe he does have SOME emotions.