King of the Ring
June 26th, 1999
Live from the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 19,761
Moving past the awful Over the Edge show, it’s time for the annual King of the Ring. I’ve had several people tell me that this was the worst PPV of 1999. That’d be kinda impressive actually considering that there were some rotten shows this year. In addition to the actual KOTR tournament, this show also featured the Undertaker defending his WWF Championship against the Rock and was headlined by The McMahons facing Stone Cold Steve Austin in a ladder match for control of the WWF. That sounds poopy but hey, maybe people are just overly harsh on this show and there is actually some hidden gems. Let’s find out!
-Video plays hyping up the main event ladder match. Holy shit, I have no idea what’s going on in this video. Like seriously, last PPV, Vince and Shane were beefing and here they are a month later as allies again feuding with Austin. From what I understand, Vince was revealed as the “Hower Power” (some of you may know it as the “IT’S ME, AUSTIN” angle). This prompted Linda to give Austin control of the company in order to punish Shane and Vince for terrorizing their own family. After abusing his power exactly like everyone knew he would, Austin was challenged to a “winner takes all” ladder match by the McMahons. Sounds pretty convoluted to me but hey. This video isn’t very good, BTW. I had to ask my legal advisor Hawk what’s going on in this storyline because this video did a poor job explaining what was happening to people that didn’t follow the TV building to the show. It tries to compare the power struggle between Austin and the McMahons to other great political figures but it doesn’t work very well. It’s not like someone is leading a great revolution, it’s a dumb redneck being an asshole to billionaires that are also assholes.
– Of course, the announce team for this show is “The King” Jerry Lawler and JR.
No goofy Lawler smirk this time
– On Sunday Night Heat earlier in the night, Ken Shamrock took on Shane (originally, it was supposed to be Vince but Shane took his place) and was killed by kendo stick shots from Steve Blackman. Don’t know why Shamrock and Blackman are beefing but ok. The kendo shots were so vicious that Shamrock bit on the blood filled condom in his mouth to imitate internal bleeding. Medical personnel are trying to help him backstage but Shamrock is too much of a goon for that shit. Announcers question whether or not he’ll be able to compete in KOTR that night.
– We go back to our favorite backstage geek, Michael “Black As” Cole. He informs us that because of the ass-whooping he suffered at the hands of Shamrock on Heat, Shane might not be able to compete in the ladder match later on but Vince will give an update on his baby boy’s condition soon
Match #1
KOTR Quarter-Final Match
X-Pac vs. Hardcore Holly
– X-Pac is pretty damn over. I know everybody loves to talk about “X-Pac heat” but he was still very loved at this point.
– Both men lock up to start the match with Holly getting the better of the exchange. He does a generic “Look at me, I’m a cocky cocky heel” pose before they go through another headlock sequence, this time with Pac knocking Holly down.
– Pac nuts himself on the ring post like an idiot after Holly avoids a charge in the corner. Holly beats on Pac for a bit before trying to whip him into the corner but the degenerate counters with a nice looking Springboard Crossbody.
– After hitting a big powerbomb, Holly gets the heat on Pac for like 30 seconds before the face starts making a comeback, rattling the Masta of the Alabama Slamma with his educated feet. Dazed by several kicks, Holly finds himself a victim of the Bronco Buster!
– Furious at a grown man putting his nuts in his face several times, Holly goes “fuck this”, rolls to the outside to grab a chair, and immediately gets himself DQ’ed after hitting Pac in the head with it. Amazingly, Pac actually puts his hands up to soften the blow so it’s not an unprotected chair shot. Shout out to him for knowing better than most of the roster at this point.
– After the match, Holly goes after Pac’s bad neck before Road Dogg runs out to make the save and send him packing. That match was a terrible choice for an opener. If you are trying to sell this one-night tournament as a big deal, why would you have the very first match end in a random DQ like that after not even three minutes of action? Holly gave so little of a shit about this thing that he didn’t even think twice about costing himself the match all because he got some salty 1-2-3 Kid balls in his mouth. Way to sell the importance of the tournament. I get that Pac working hurt will probably be the big story for the tournament but this was poorly done.
– The match itself was nothing which is a shame considering that it could have been decent if it had some time.
Based on his shirt, Road Dogg is 13 years old.
– After the match, The Red Rooster of all people is waiting to interview Holly when he walks through the curtain backstage. Hardcore cuts a promo where he justifies getting himself DQ’ed because he plays by his own rules and says that he hasn’t “forgotten about Big Show” and promises to run in during the big man’s Quarter-Final match. …Ok, he doesn’t actually say he is gonna run-in during the match but he might as well have. I don’t know why Holly and Show are beefing but ok. Either way, I hope Show loses because screw that guy. The promo itself was dookie but it was really short.
Match #2
KOTR Quarter-Final Match
The Big Show vs. Kane
– Oh, apparently Show tried to flip a car on Holly on the last Raw before this show. So, that explains why those two are beefing.
– I can’t confirm this but I’m assuming that this was one of the first matches these two had on WWF/E TV.
– The two giants have a stare down as the bell rings to start the match. Kane gets in a flurry of offense to start out the battle but is quickly driven into the corner and pelted with chops.
– Kane gets some decent air while taking a Biel Toss.
– Show beats on his opponent for a while before Kane catches him with an Enzugiri! Kane was that dude back in 99’.
– Unfortunately, that sweet move is followed by a terrible looking spot where both guys try to hit a Big Boot at the same time. It’s obvious as day that neither man’s foot touched their opponent’s face but they both still take a bump for it.
– Kane tries to recover on the outside but gets tossed back in the ring. He quickly regains control of the match though with his signature Clothesline off the top rope.
– We get our first ref bump of the night as Kane ducks under a Big Boot causing Show to hit the official instead. Kane immediately takes advantage of the mishap with a Low Blow. I would complain about faces cheating but eh, Kane is gonna be Kane.
– True to his word, here comes Hardcore Holly running into the ring with a chair. He tries to whack Show with it but is stopped by Kane. So, Kane is totally cool with hitting an illegal ball shot but using a chair is going too far, I guess. Holly tries to get uppity with Kane but quickly eats a Chokeslam.
– Taking advantage of Holly’s distraction, Show attacks Kane and begins working him over. Kane quickly cuts him off and teases hitting the Chokeslam by goozling Show. Oddly enough, Show sells it as a submission by going down to one knee as Kane’s chokehold seemingly drains him of strength. Crowd is so dead for this.
– They stay in this position for what feels like forever (but in reality, was only about 30-40 seconds) as the crowd begins outright booing this not-at-all fast paced action. Yes, the action was so dull the crowd went from apathy to legit anger in less than a minute. Mercifully, Show catches his second wind and makes it back to his feet.
– He gets put right back down by an unprotected chair shot to the head from Kane. So, I guess Kane just didn’t want Holly interfering.
– After being knocked out for like 3 minutes, the ref finally recovers and makes the three count as Kane pins Show following the chair shot. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT LONG ASS CHOKEHOLD SPOT THEN!? The match literally ended 30 seconds after it. Whatever, Kane moves on to the semi-finals.
– Boy, this match was rotten. Obviously, I’m not expecting to see super fast action with guys this size in the ring but they might as well have been wrestling underwater for that match. That chokehold spot pissed me off, it was there for the sake of being there. Just stupid.
– We now go backstage where Cole is standing by with Vince at his locker room. Despite Shane protesting in the background, Vince insists that he needs to go the hospital and won’t be able to wrestle in the main event. I don’t know, this just seems lazy to me when did this same “will he make it to the main event!?” angle with Vince at the last PPV. Maybe I’m just being overly critical because that Show/Kane match annoyed me so much.
Match #3
KOTR Quarter-Final
“Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn vs. “The World’s Gooniest Man” Ken Shamrock
– Gunn is wearing one of the tag titles due to an angle that happened on the Raw before this show where Gunn accepted a challenge on behalf of the Acolytes, the champions at the time, to put the tag titles on the line in a six-man tag match against X-Pac, Kane, and Road Dogg. Gunn pinned Pac in that match so he just snatched up one of the belts despite not being one of the recognized champions. Sounds like a goofy angle to me but hey.
-After getting in the ring, Gunn grabs a mic and accuses Shamrock of faking an injury just so he wouldn’t have to wrestle him. He basically says Shamrock is bitch made and tells him to grow a pair and get in the ring. He actually says that he’s “going over” on Shamrock.
– Backstage, Shamrock goes HAM on some medical staff and goes out to the ring, deciding to work the match hurt instead of forfeiting. Ref Teddy Long refuses to start the match at first but Shamrock tells him to ring the bell. Again, Long refuses until Gunn cheap-shots Shamrock with a Dropkick. Long goes “I’m too old for this shit” and starts the match.
– Gunn stomps away at Shamrock in the corner before sending him off the ropes. Shmarock ducks under a clothesline attempt and nails Gunn with a Roundhouse Kick.
– Shamrock goes for a Crossbody but Gunn catches him in mid-air and drops the UFC champion ribs-first on his knee.
– Gunn hits some weak punches to Shamrock’s abdomen before going for a pin. Shamrock kicks out and tries to transition into the Ankle Lock but Mr. Ass fights him off.
– Match goes to the outside as Gunn continues to work over Kenny’s abdomen by dropping him ribs-first on the barricade. Shamrock again goes for the Ankle Lock but Gunn gets out of it. For some odd reason, Long isn’t trying to count either man out.
– Shamrock, bleeding from the mouth, sells on the outside before being thrown back in. Gunn tries to hit a splash off the top but Kenny moves out of the way! He makes a brief comeback before attempting the Fran-Ken-Steiner. Gunn turns it into a Powerbomb and Teddy Long has seen enough, ruling that Ken is unable to continue and that Mr. Ass is the winner.
– Really short match but it was fine for what it was. They couldn’t really do anything due to the story of Shamrock working hurt and coughing up blood.
– After the match, Shamrock stumbles around the ring with a mouthful of blood before letting out a roar and throwing Long out of the ring. He must not be a fan of the black people.
– Kevin Kelly (talk about a dude that gets no money, no power, and no respect) is backstage with Chyna and HHH. Chyna says that growing up, she wanted to be a princess. Now that she was grown up, she was ready to be a queen! Wrong, Jo Jo Offerman is the Queen Bee, everyone knows this. Still, Chyna says Road Dogg has “big brass balls” to step in the ring with her.
<3
– HHH then says that nobody gives him orders and that he goes to the beat of his own drum. Both promos were short but acceptable. Kelly mentioned that HHH had issued a challenge for the WWF Championship so I guess he’s getting a shot against whoever wins the Taker/Rock match tonight.
Match #4
Road Dogg vs. Chyna (w/HHH)
– Road Dogg is pretty over as usual. Of course, he can’t wrestle without cutting a “Rah-Rah” DX promo before the match. It’s a specialized version where he just name-drops himself.
– HIT ME WITH THAT TRIPLE H SHIIII. Man, I love “My Time.”
– On Heat, Chyna and HHH beat down Road Dogg while Lawler just stood in the ring and watched.
– They lock up to start the match. Dogg pushes her into the corner but Chyna shoves him and he takes a bump for it. There is some stalling as Lawler giggles at the idea of Dogg getting knocked out by a woman.
– They trade hammerlocks with Chyna again getting the better of the exchange. In an attempt to rally behind Dogg, the crowd chants “Doggy Style!” Chyna nods in approval and makes a mental note of what the fans want to see when she eventually does porn.
– Dogg gets Chyna in a side Headlock and does some basic chain wrestling with her before Chyna hits him with a Forearm to the face. Dogg sells it like it was Chris Hero hitting him with an elbow.
– Chyna locks in a Side Headlock as Lawler goes “lol” at Dogg getting his ass whooped. They go through another exchange where again, Chyna comes out on top.
– Chyna works over the good guy in the corner, choking him with her boot.
– As Chyna continues to destroy Dogg in the ring, JR speculates that Dogg is holding back because he’s fighting a former friend. A former friends with cooties at that.
– Dogg finally catches a break as he reverses an Irish-Whip and sends Chyna tumbling to the outside. Chyna actually took a pretty impressive bump for this.
– Dogg tries to go after Chyna but he gets into with HHH on the outside. While the New Age Outlaw is distracted, he’s pushed head-first into the ring post by Chyna. The 8th Wonder of the World climbs back into the ring as HHH sends Dogg into the steps behind the ref’s back.
– Chyna stiffs the hell out of Dogg with some punches before knocking him down with an elbow. She beats on Dogg some more before James teases a comeback by firing off some punches only to get taken down by a DDT. Cover only gets two.
– Chyna does some more boring offense before mocking Road Dogg’s Shake, Rattle, and Roll move. Again, Chyna goes for a cover but Road Dogg kicks out.
– Chyna locks in a Sleeper Hold and jesus, this is boring. Much like the Kane/Big Show match, the crowd goes from apathy to anger as they start shitting all over the match. Rightfully so.
– The dull action continues as Road Dogg gets in a Sleeper of his own. Checking the FAN forums right now, people are going in on Roman Reigns in the WWE section.
– Meanwhile in the match, Chyna has gotten out of the sleeper…somehow. I think HHH pulled her into the ropes. I don’t really care, honestly.
– As Road Dogg argues with HHH, Chyna rolls him up with a Schoolboy but Dogg kicks out, inadvertently causing Chyna to bump into ref Earl Hebner. Taking advantage of the ref being down, HHH wraps a chain around his fist and hits Dogg in the face with it. The degenerate sells it like death and HHH drags his boo on top of Dogg. Much to my disappointment, Dogg kicks out meaning this must continue. I seriously let out an audible “Oh, come on!” when he kicked out.
– HHH flips a bitch on the outside as WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels walks down the ramp wearing the most rinky-dink, bootleg looking shirt possible promoting The Shawn Michaels Wrestling Academy. You know, that school where guys like Daniel Bryan and Brian Kendrick trained at but Shawn actually had little direct involvement with?
#Swag
– HBK stares on in disapproval as Dogg finally starts making a comeback which the crowd actually goes nuts for. “Does she like it Doggy style!?”- JR. HEY. PHRASING.
– HHH hops on the apron to interfere but HBK pulls him off. They jaw jack for a bit before Shawn tells HHH to GTFO.
– Like an idiot, Road Dogg is too focused on telling the departing HHH to suck it that he turns back on Chyna and gets hit with a low blow. In what actually is a really good swerve, it’s Chyna that’s in pain from the shot as the Dogg reveals that he wore a metal cup for this match to protect his little Doggies from her rugged man hands. James hits the Pumphandle Slam for the win to a big pop from the crowd.
– Bad match with a good ending. Not really much else to say.