– Backstage promo with Chyna and HHH before The Game’s match match with X-Pac. Chyna’s top has spikes coming out of them like her tits are Bowser.
– Chyna is so freaking bad. She tries to sound intimidating but fails. HHH then says that he made Pac’s ass and now he’s gonna break it.
– They show Big Show getting patched up by a doctor. In an awesome moment, we then see Foley walk around the boiler room, recapping the match that he just wrestled like he’s an old war veteran returning to the battlefield. Tremendous.
X-Pac vs. HHH (w/Chyna)
– Really hoping this match delivers as this should be real good.
– Of course, this is stemming from HHH and Chyna turning on X-Pac at Mania.
– Both guys are bringing the hate in this one as they both start swinging as soon as the bell rings.
– Pac takes a RIDICULOUS bump to the outside. Like, he did a full flip before hitting the ground.
– They fight near the announce tables before heading back in the ring.
– Pac rocks Hunter with his educated feet before trying to go for the Bronco Buster. He’s tripped by Chyna though which gives HHH enough time to move out of the way.
– JR is selling the missed Bronco Buster like Pac screwed up his neck hitting his head on the turnbuckle so they are playing up his past neck problems. HHH smells blood in the water and goes to work on Pac’s head and neck.
– Pac takes a big bump for Chyna hitting him behind the ref’s back while he’s tied up in the ropes.
– Lawler is dick-riding The Corporation, of course.
– JR is doing a really good job of selling how much of an asshole HHH is for going after Pac’s neck.
– HHH drops some vicious knees on the back of Pac’s neck and JR is begging the ref to stop the damn match!
– HHH does a Dragon Sleeper of all things. Pac fights out of it but soon gets hit with HHH’s signature Facebuster.
– X-Pac is that dude. He’s such a great little babyface that makes you want to overcome the massive ass-whooping he’s taking.
– Chyna drops Pac neck-first on the barricade.
– Shout out to HHH as well for playing the role of the methodical heel perfectly. Everything he does is calculated and cold.
– After getting beat on for a long while, Pac starts making a comeback, catching HHH with a Tornado DDT off the top for a nearfall.
– HHH tries to go for the Pedigree but Pac trips him up and stomps on his nuts behind the ref’s back.
– Ref takes a bump after HHH pulls him in front of a baseball slide. Amazingly, I believe that’s the first ref bump of the show.
– Pac nails the X-Factor but no ref=no three count. Chyna slips in and drops Pac with a low blow and a Reverse DDT.
– Lights go out and…KANE. THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE! No clue why he waited so long to come out but whatever.
– Kane chokeslams HHH and Chyna (who was given possibly the wimpiest looking Kane Chokeslam ever so don’t worry about her getting hurt).
– After cleaning house, Kane puts both HHH and Chyna in position for the Bronco Buster before leaving. Pac hits it on both of them but after hitting it on Chyna, he’s planted with the Pedigree and HHH gets the win. LMAO, way to make Pac look like a complete goof. Dude got handed the match on a silver platter and still lost.
– Stupid finish aside, good match. Wish it had gone a little longer but it was the best of the night so far.
Ken Shamrock vs. The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer)
– Taker’s Ministry theme kicks ass.
– From what I’m gathering from the announcers, the story behind this one is that Taker targeted Ryan Shamrock with his creepy sacrifice shit and Ken wants revenge.
“CHUCK’S ASS STINKS.” Is this Chuck related to ODB?
– They trade punches for a bit before Taker hits Shamrock with Old School.
– Crowd is quieter than you would think for this one.
– Real slow pace so far and it’s not doing anything for me.
– Shamrock is working on Taker’s knee
– Damn, this match is boring.
– After being grounded for a bit, Taker fights his way up to a standing base but gets taken back down by “The World’s Gooniest Man” Ken Shamrock.
– I think the crowd just chanted “We want Ryan!”
– Shamrock puts Taker’s ankle on the steel steps and stomps on it a few times.
– I’ll be honest, I’m checking my facebook right now. Why do people keep inviting to play Candy Crush? The answer is no, you turds.
– Meanwhile, Shamrock slaps on a Fujiwara armbar and the crowd doesn’t care.
– Checking the FAN forum right now which if you aren’t a regular member of, I don’t know why. Someone is comparing the Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins feud to Austin/HHH. Not a bad comparison.
– Browsing through the TNA section. TNA has a poll up of whether or not to bring back the six sides. I don’t think they should because I remember AJ Styles saying that taking bumps in the ring hurts more than taking it in a regular ring. TNA has got a lot of problems to worry about, the ring should be the last thing they work on.
– Oh, if you are wondering what’s going on in the match, don’t worry, you ain’t missing shit. Just lots of really boring matwork.
– Hahaha, Taker hits a Big Boot on Shamrock and ref Earl Hebner just stops counting before three despite Shamrock not even trying to get his shoulder up. What an awful match.
– Shamrock slaps on the ankle lock but Taker gets out of it. Bradshaw runs down with a bat but Shamrock stops him from interfering. Taker goozles Kenny for a Chokeslam but Shamrock is too much of a goon for that and does a really swank counter into a Cross Armbreaker.
– Crowd is dead for all of this, BTW.
– Bearer tries to interfere but is stopped. Shamrock tries to lift Taker up for…something. We’ll never know as Taker manages to turn it into a Tombstone and mercifully, this one is over.
– What a dull match considering the talent in the ring. I got what they were going for, a long encounter where two warriors were locked in a battle for dominance on the mat but it didn’t work at all. The crowd didn’t know what to make of it and sat on their hands the entire way through. Taker has been horrendous these past two PPVs.
– After the match, Bradshaw beats down Shamrock with the bat and the crowd is just wondering why these two are still dicking around when they just want to see Austin/Rock.
– Video plays hyping up the main event and detailing how Rock stole Austin’s belt and tried to kill him by tossing him into a river. Also, Shane whacked Austin with a shovel at one point.
Austin: Hey, are you really black?
– Vince sends Steph away, presumably because daddy is about to get into some ol’ gangsta shit with his son.
WWF Championship
No Holds Barred
Special Ref: Shane McMahon
The Rock vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin(c)
– It’s worth noting that Rock gets plenty of cheers when his music hits. I’m guessing a face turn is imminent.
– Thank god, Austin has his jacket this time around.
– For like the fourth time in a row, somebody starts swinging as soon as the bell rings as Austin can’t wait to get his hands on Rock.
– Austin runs wild before getting hit with a Neckbreaker.
– Austin gets sent to the floor and Rocky puts the boots to the champ on the ramp.
– Just like they’ve done in every Rock PPV match this year, they brawl over to where the fans are up near the stage.
– They brawl for a bit before Austin counters a suplex on the ramp. He whips Rock into a cage near the soundstage before choking out Rocky with a cable.
– WE FIGHT IN WWF TITLE MATCHES. HAHA, I LOVE IT MAGGLE.
– More brawling as Rock takes control
– I’m not big on this match so far. I’ve seen so much brawling on this show that none of this is really doing it for me. It’s better than the first half of their match at Mania but that’s not high praise.
– Austin throws Rock back in the ring and tries to stomp a mudhole but Shane stops him from walking it dry.
– Shane gets uppity with Austin and it looks like the champ is considering hitting him but thinks better of it because he doesn’t want to lose his title. Instead, he just sends Rock to the outside next to the announce tables.
– It seems like the Spanish announce table isn’t long for this world as both guys get on it. Austin tries to go for a Piledriver but a quick uppercut to the nuts allows Rock to put Austin through the table with a Rock Bottom!
– lol, one of the spanish announcers look furious and is openly cussing out Rock. Rock checks his bitch ass by taking his headset and telling him to shut up before he “beats pinto beans out of [his] monkey ass.” Grody. Rock also takes some time out to call Austin a piece of trash.
– Shane tosses Rock a chair but Austin stops Rock before he can use it. Austin gets sent into the crowd for some brawling because what would a 99’ main event be without it?
-After that, Rock bounces Austin’s head off the American announce table. He then grabs a camera so we now see things from the Rock’s perspective. “This is the Rock’s camera!”, The Great One says.
– Rock runs his mouth too long giving Austin enough time to recover and hit the Stunner on the table (which doesn’t break.) All from the Rock’s POV. Fantastic spot.
– Austin throws Rock back in the ring. Austin goes for another Stunner in the ring but Rock counters, sending Austin crashing into Shane. Austin turns around into the second Rock Bottom of the match! Shane literally throws Rock’s arm over Austin but Austin kicks out.
– Shane is frustrated Austin kicked out and grabs the title belt. He tries to hit Austin with it but hits Rock instead! It’s a three count but Shane stops after two and flips Austin off.
– Shane bails from the ring and goes up the ramp but here comes Vince with the Smoking Skull belt. Shane tries to take it from him but Vince smacks his own son with the belt. Austin has no idea what’s going on but pays for their actions as Rock takes advantage of the confusion and hits Austin with the WWF title.
– Earl Hebner is in to make the pin but Austin kicks out. Rock calls bullshit but is quickly hit with a Stunner! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Amazingly, Rock stays on his feet but is immediately put down by a belt shot to the head. Austin hooks the leg and that’s enough to put this one to bed, kids.
– With some hesitation, Vince throws the Smoking Skull belt in the ring and lets Austin have it.
– Really really good match. Similar to the Mania match, it took them a while for them to hook me but once they did, it was all sorts of goodness.
– BUT WAIT~! Show isn’t over yet. Steph is still in the limo outside for some reason as the Acolytes come out to get her. Steph’s security send the limo away as Steph screams for the driver to stop and wait for her dad. *GASP* The driver is the Undertaker! “Where to, Stephanie?”, he says before cackling as Steph screams in horror. Awesome. Really corny but in a fun way.
– Show ends with Austin having a celebratory beer bash as Vince has no idea that his baby girl just got kidnapped.
This show kicked the crap out of Mania XV but that’s not saying much. The only thing I outright hated was Taker/Shamrock while I thought Rock/Austin & HHH/Pac were good. The tag title match was solid as well and the Boiler Room Brawl was fun to watch in a train-wreck sort of way. This show wasn’t as good as St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (which was the best show I’ve reviewed so far) but on the whole, not a bad way to spend 2 & ½ hours. Nothing that you should really go out of your way to see but there are far worse shows out there.
Match of the Night: Stone Cold vs. The Rock
Worst Match of the Night: Ken Shamrock vs. The Undertaker
Updated Rankings:
1. The Rock vs. Mankind (Royal Rumble, WWF title, I-Quit match)
2. The Rock vs. Mankind (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, WWF title, Last Man Standing)
3. The Rock vs. Stone Cold (Backlash, WWF title, No Holds Barred w/ special ref Shane McMahon)
3. X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon (WM XV, European title)
4. The Rock vs. Stone Cold (WM XV, WWF title, No-Disqualification)
5. HHH vs. X-Pac (Backlash)
6. Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, I-C title, Special Ref: Billy Gunn)
7. D-Lo Brown & Mark Henry vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Tag Team titles)
8. Kane & Chyna vs. HHH & X-Pac (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
9. Bob Holly vs. Al Snow (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
10. New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (Backlash, Winners become #1 Contenders to tag titles)
11. Big Show vs. Mankind (Backlash, Boiler Room Brawl)
12. Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock (Royal Rumble, I-C title)
13. Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn (WM XV, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
14. X-Pac vs. Gangrel (Royal Rumble, European title)
15. Road Dogg vs. The Big Bossman (Royal Rumble)
16. Kane vs. HHH (WM XV)
17. Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean (WM XV, Brawl 4 All)
18. Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly (Backlash, Hardcore title, Hardcore match)
19. D-Lo Brown & Test vs. Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart (WM XV, Tag Team titles)
20. Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust vs. Road Dogg (WM XV, I-C title, Elimination Fatal Four Way)
21. Goldust vs. The Godfather (Backlash, I-C title)
22. The Brood vs. The Ministry of Darkness (Backlash, Six man tag)
23. The Big Bossman vs. The Undertaker (WM XV, Hell in a Cell)
24. The Big Bossman vs. Mideon (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
25. Mankind vs. Big Show (WM XV, Winner refs main event)
26. Royal Rumble Match (Royal Rumble)
27. Stone Cold vs. Vince McMahon (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, Steel Cage, if Austin won, he got a WWF title match at WM XV)
28. Ken Shamrock vs. The Undertaker (Backlash)
29. Sable vs. Luna (Royal Rumble, Women’s title, Strap match)
30. Goldust vs. “Bluedust” (St. Valentine’s Day Massacre)
31. Sable vs. Tori (WM XV, Women’s title)