So, today I will be recapping the bout between “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” Ken Shamrock and “The Gracie Hunter” Kazushi Sakuraba.
Shamrock is probably best known to many of you for his WWF days as the Ankle Snapping, ref suplexing and blood-filled condom biting former Intercontinental Champion. But before he honed his craft in WWF, and way before he dated his “sister” Ryan (Seriously, how did no-one in that relationship think “This is just a teensy bit weird?), Ol’ Shammy earned his title as the World’s Most Dangerous Man by turning his fellow man’s face into mush via his fists and making everyone and their uncle tap out, generally being a terrifying bastard.
You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a picture where he isn’t screaming.
He got his start in Pancrase, which is quite similar to MMA, except one cannot strike with a closed fist, rather with your palm. So these dudes are pretty much KO’ing each other via slaps. Fucking ouch. After that, he compete in some of the first UFC events, being viewed as many as one of the founding fathers of the sport and helping to put it on the map.
Truly he was the epitome of calm and rationality.
Sakuraba rose to infamy after he defeated Royler Gracie of the legendary Gracie family in a controversial fashion, as Royler never tapped, rather the ref decided “This fucker’s gonna let his arm get ripped off!” and made the smart decision to end it in Sakuraba’s favour.
This then marked the first loss by a Gracie in several DECADES. I mean, fucking A. Here you have this family of Super Human Brazillian Jiu Jitsu masters, who basically re-invented the sport and turned MMA from just being a sloppy punching fest into, well, a kinda less sloppy punching fest with takedowns and submissions and shit.
Which, whilst it might not sound like much, keep in mind that on the very same pay per view where Royce Gracie and Shamrock’s fellow WWF alum Dan Severn put on what is considered to be the beginning of Modern MMA as we know it, the dude who plays Random Task in Austin Powers lost via submission to being punched in the dick (Seriously, look it up!).
So yeah, kinda a big deal. The Gracies then called in the big guns, having big brother and former UFC champion Royce come in and take part in a tournament in which Saku was also competing, and in classic Martial Arts revenge film fashion, the two ended up against each other, with a special rule set in place that ensure that one way or another, someone was gonna tap or get KO’d.
Well, that was the plan anyway, the two waged war for an hour and a half, keep in mind fighting the whole time. This ended when one of Royce’s brothers threw in the towel due to Royce’s legs being tenderised like the finest Kobe beef. Saku then went on to beat two other Gracie brothers (Don’t ask, there’s like, a bajillion of ’em), Ryan and Renzo.
All whilst kinda looking like a giant baby.
The bout against Renzo is considered by many to be Saku’s most famous, with him pushing his opponent into the corner, locking a Kimura whilst still standing, flipping him over and snapping his arm. Due to Renzo being a Gracie however, he refused to tap out, so the ref, once again, had to stop the bout, probably wondering how a whole family can have a death wish. This solidified his reputation as an unstoppable badass, and led to Renzo calling him the “Japanese Gracie”, and the media dubbing him the “Gracie Hunter.”
Gnarly.
He now competes in New Japan Pro Wrestling, where he now has a refreshing change of pace by fighting members of the Gracie family. Go figure.
Anyway, enough background, let’s get onto the fight! The two clashed in 2005 at the Saitama Super Arena in an event known as “PRIDE: FULLY LOADED!” outside of Japan, where it was known as “PRIDE: STARTING OVER!” (Me either.)
We start with some snazzy video packages of both fighters, with “The Shake” Shamrock talking about his opponent, saying he’s a “Sneaky character” (Bit of an understatement) and how he has a lot of personality (Which they show us by playing clips of him de-limbing people and wearing a mask), then talking about how he’s feeling healthy and is going out to win.
Tale of the Tape shows that K-Sham has a once inch height advantage, along with having 15 pounds on Saku, who holds a PRIDE record of 16-8-1 compared to Shamrock’s less encouraging 1-2 PRIDE record.
We then cut to both fighters in the ring, with Stephen Quadros and Bas Rutten commentating, Bas having faced off against Shamrock twice and lost both times via submission. Which is saying something, seeing as he only lost four times in his career and had a reputation as being freaking terrifying in the ring, despite his eternally cheery disposition.
Now, the referee is either telling them both the rules or doing the Macarena, jury’s out on it really. Fighters both shake, before returning to their corners and we’re off! Shamrock charges in throws a few jabs to test his range, to which Saku responds by either feinting a flying knee or doing his best Billy Elliot impression, either way, it’s enough to make Sham-wow rethink his charge and back off.
Evidently “Lord of Dance” wasn’t a badass enough nickname.
Both men then resort to the school-yard tactic of trying to make each other flinch, eventually coming to the conclusion that actually throwing a punch might be a better idea. Saku whiffs his punch, whereas Shammy lands flush, stumbling Saku for a second before he regains his composure. This makes Saku resort back to his fresh dance moves again, with Kenny being warded off by the power of funk and taking a few steps back.
Both men try this whole “punching” thing again, but fail to connect and Saku almost lands on his arse dodging the Shamfists. Shamrock realises that this isn’t really working, so he tries for a takedown. Or falls over. Whatever it was, it doesn’t work as Saku bounces off the ropes, thinking he’s a wrassler for a second.
The commentators talk about how Saku is always dangerous, even when injured. So I think they’re trying to say he’s Predator. Or at least, that’s how I’m taking it. They then talk about his “Samurai spirit”, which, if they weren’t based in Japan, I’d consider kinda racist.
But I digress, and Saku manages to nail Shamrock on the chin after slapping his hands in the lamest attempt at patty cake ever, stunning him enough for him to take advantage and start swinging like a recently divorced mother at her first orgy, with the ref pulling him off before he can extract Ken’s brain via his fists as Shamrock dangles between the ropes, seemingly out cold.
In a shocking twist however, he instantly pops back to his feet (Ugh, why do you even watch this stuff, it’s all fake and predetermined! Wait…) and starts telling the ref how he was just kidding and he ruined an awesome prank. Or something like that.
Sakuraba then ruins his badass vibe a tad by jumping up and down and having his corner man pick him up effortlessly like a kid whilst Ken comes over complaining like that one kid who always kicks up a storm when you beat him at Street Fighter. Saku, ever the consummate professional, responds by kinda ignoring him and continuing to hug his friends in the corner.
“Professional”
We then finish as Saku takes the mic and gives what I can only assume is a great little speech before heading backstage. I say assume, as my Japanese is a little rusty. And non-existent.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this lil’ debut of mine, hopefully you can join me next time as I probably review another fight from FULLY LOADED, as I’m too lazy to take the DVD out!