World Wrestling Entertainment is in the midst of what many would consider a digital expansion. With the creation of the online streaming service WWE Network, its stock is rapidly on the rise, and the grappling institution looks to cement that (and perhaps kickstart it into a “boom”) with an even more all star-heavy edition of its annual Spring event, WrestleMania- this time landing in The Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana.
The storylines heading into this event are even more convoluted and/or slapped together than ever, with its major one being rising new star (and YES Movement leader) Daniel Bryan attempting to run a gauntlet against former Evolution members Triple H, Batista and WWE Champion Randy Orton (who Bryan has defeated numerous times in non-title matchups). Undertaker, getting around in years, makes his annual Mania challenge, this time being former UFC gadly Brock Lesnar, and the Fruity Pebbles loving veteran John Cena has to deal with Bray Wyatt- a hybrid of Max Cady, cult leaders in the mold of Jim Jones and, as Cena joked at one point, Jimmy Buffet.
All being hosted by Hulk Hogan, looking to rebound from a very poorly received TNA run, the electricity in the air, as the Rock would say, is…well….electrifying. So here’s some spoilers with my views- because I assume most of the readers of this article will already know what happened.
The opening match (don’t give me that pre-show poppycock, it’s been hyped up enough to where it’s more or less the opening match) is a Fatal Four Way for the Tag Team Titles as the Usos defend against the Real Americans, Ryback and Curtis Axel, and the only-over-because-of-El Torito Los Matadores, which sees the Usos retain. But our actual, literal show opening is an unbelievable promo featuring Hogan, Steve Austin, and the Rock. Actually, they don’t do much outside of welcoming the Superdome crowd to WrestleMania and spouting off their catch phrases, but for the 30th edition of wrestling’s biggest show, just having the three of them in the ring together putting their egos aside is a remarkable moment. Also, Hogan’s botches are pretty funny.
Our second match is Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan, which gives HHH a wickedly cool Darth Vader style entrance, and Bryan working in some fur boots into his look. That’s very “Dazzler”, a nickname Bryan’s used in the past. Also, it’s very difficult for me to ignore Steph wearing a suit jacket over hot pants, but I don’t think I want to ignore her. After a dramatic, technically sound affair that sees HHH target the conspicuously bandaged shoulder of Bryan, the Flying Goat nails Hunter with The Move That Beat John Cena to get the win. But of course, not before HHH throws a hissy fit and smashes Bryan with a chair.
Next is the Shield, dealing with the usual dissension that long running factions in wrestler eventually deal with, vs. The New Age Outlaws and Kane- who has gone “corporate” for his latest Madonna esque transformation. This sees Shield take the victory after triple powerbombing both Outlaws, so their breakup is probably coming sometime later. After that is the 30 man Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale, and yes, Yoshi Tatsu is the first man eliminated. Big men like Khali, Mark Henry and Brodus Clay don’t last very long, and Zack Ryder’s dreams of relevance are quickly dashed. That will probably result in more terrible dance songs from him. JBL’s hatred of Rey Mysterio and desire to see him eliminated is hilarious (“Eat him, Big Show! Eat him!”). Following the usual amazing spots by Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro takes the victory after wowing the New Orleans crowd with vicious uppercuts and giant swings, finally lifting the 400-lb Big Show over the top rope.
John Cena then challenges Bray Wyatt. Even me, as a long time Cena fan/defender, understands why so many of the crowd are willing to follow the buzzards with Wyatt- he’s proven himself to be a captivating performer fueling a very unique character. Cena, plagued by self doubt throughout the WrestleMania buildup, has no special entrance this time, which does not bode well for Cenation. During the battle, Cena- as was perhaps Wyatt’s plan, somehow, flashes Wyatt an intense expression that I’m sure will spawn a thousand GIFs. There is a very, very ominous feeling throughout the match, culminating in a pro-Wyatt wave throughout the crowd, but Cena eventually triumphs after swimming through a sea of Wyatt Family mind games.
Sorry, couldn’t help it.
We then get a glimpse over the class of 2014 Hall of Fame inductees, and then the streak is on the line as Lesnar goes after Undertaker. As per the usual flashy Undertaker entrances, the druids display a row of coffins named after his WrestleMania vanquished. That’s a nice way to brag. Their match has the usual dramatic near falls and finisher spots expected of Undertaker matches these days, but whether or not he and Brock put on the match of the night is up to you. Brock, needless to say, makes yet another WrestleMania moment as he becomes the first man to end the Undertaker’s streak. For those worried about Lesnar’s credibility going forward for big matches, I don’t think you have much to worry about. The WWE Universe afterwards make some moments of their own by giving the Deadman a standing ovation, as well as through their facial expressions. Below is a visual representation of what Brock probably thought of the whole thing.
The Divas then get their usual Mania hodgepodge match, which is unfortunate given the talent in some of the division. Ah well, at least there’s still Total Divas. The girls do what they can to excite the crown anxiously anticipating the main event, which sees AJ Lee retain the Divas title much to Vickie Guerrero’s chagrin. Hogan, Piper, Paul Orndorff and Mr. T then have a funny exchange recalling the first WrestleMania main event back in 1985, as Piper strains to shake T’s hand like a robot going against its programming.
Our main event finally arrives, as Bryan heads into the Triple Threat Championship match less than 100% storyline wise. Batista’s so-called “Douchetista” attitude is in full effect, rocking some day glo ring gear. As expected, HHH quickly arrives at ringside to even the odds, as it were, but Bryan then uses his own Mr. Sledgehammer on him. Batista and Orton work together to try to take Bryan out, but Bryan, being the most annoying pest in the world if you’re a heel, thwarts this to take the WWE Title and bring down the confetti to end the show after tapping out Batista. (Plus, hey, Steph took a bump!) This was far and away my favorite match on the show, just a crazily booked and dramatic affair. Unfortunately, DBry still has to deal with the issue of personal conduct on his bus down the road…
So what to take from all this? Well, while I usually take dirtsheets with a grain of salt most of the time, I came across one newzblurb stating that Bryan, Cena, Wyatt, Cesaro, and Roman Reigns were some of the stars expected to get major pushes in 2014, and the booking of this show pretty much reflected that. With the exception, obviously, of Lesnar ending the streak, I wasn’t too shocked by the other match outcomes. Time will tell if that story turns out to be true, but regardless, I’d say WrestleMania XXX is a must see- if only just to be awed at the sheer effort they put into this edition, more so than usual.
And after all of this madness, there was no sign of the long absent CM Punk in NOLA. There was more hearsay stating that Bryan more or less got the push WWE was considering giving to Punk before he left. Speaking as a fan of his, could this have been his reaction? Only he knows for sure.
