On this Direct to DVD Dissection, it’s a movie from Great Britain, set in the dark ages, involving politics and intrigue. It’s as exciting as it sounds, and it sounds like this: ZZZZZzzzzzzz. Yes, it’s a movie that took a whopping 12 YEARS to get released to this side of the ocean and into the local Redbox machines.
The Story
In the midst of a bloody war, English soldiers inform Queen Mathilda that her husband, the King, has been captured. Fortunately, they also bring back a hostage of their own – a mysterious man claiming to be the enemy’s prince. However, the man brings with him only death and vengeance as a violent plague befalls the city. With the disease spreading and death coming for everyone, the prisoner’s mysterious past and dark powers seem to hold all of the answers.
The Cast
Lena Headey as Lady Matilda. Waiting for her husband return from war, she finds out he’s kidnapped instead and has to play along with her egotistical brother to get him back. Hey at least she got a monkey out of it.
Jason Flemyng as Nicholas. The brother in law of Matilda and brother to Sir Walter de Mellerby, he takes over when things go bad.
David Le Haye as Jacques de Saint Amant, the captured Frenchman brought back to the villain. He obviously made one too many mom jokes from tops of castles and they had enough.
Ian McNeice as The Bishop. The holy man of the town that’s also corrupt as it gets. Also, it’s Ian McNeice, so you know it’s extra creepy.
The Dissection
Well, if this cover does not take the cake of false advertising.
The perils of going into a movie blind can lead to a viewer not knowing what to expect out of a movie until it’s too late. This movie has the same issue, but it’s amazing that it does it intentionally. While the cover of the movie give you an impression of this movie about Lena Headey on a throne of skulls, like some kind of magnificent devil of a ruler or such, the story on the back of the box centers more about this level of inter-war politics and some pieces of doubt over someone not being truthful of who they are. And another comes from the trailer, centering on the titular plaque and how our heroine has to struggle to keep her world together.
What is the story: A revenge film with a big dose of ZZZZZZzzzz.
And a bit of "Didn't that guy get held off a roof by Batman once?"
Flat out, the movie is dull. The movie is nearly 2 hours long, and it takes about that long to really get things going. And this is not an issue of expecting some action or something similar to Headey’s other filmography. Even as a drama, it just is dull. The movie does not build up any real tension, and even the more dark and wretched moments kind of lose a lot of impact by the time they occur.
The thing is, it’s got some good things. The actors are really good. Jason Flemyng especially gives a pretty good performance, in the time he has. The movie itself has a good look for itself for it’s budget, and some care has been taken to make the film look dank and dark as possible to fit the mood. The look of the costumes are pretty good, albeit a bit questionable or ridiculous. The problem is there really is nothing to hold them up. It’s honestly one of the most forgettable films experiences ever reviewed here.
For extras, the film’s got a trailer and a photo gallery of stills, and that’s it.
The Verdict
A good analog comparison would be like watching the unriffed version of the German HAMLET film featured on MST3K. It’s not a bad or terrible movie, but it’s just a forgettable one. It’s worth a check out only if you get enough of your interested peaked to set aside it’s failing. When it comes to films involving Game of Throne alum about an illness in the Dark Ages, there’s better.