“Who’s Your Caddy?” had been on my radar for years. Ever since it opened in the summer of 2007 and tanked harder than Lindsay Lohan (I mean that literally, as her infamous bomb, “I Know Who Killed Me”, opened the same weekend ahead of this film), I knew it’d be fodder for the Cinemasochist at some point. Add in the horrendous reviews and it’s firm spot in the IMDB Bottom 100 over the years, it was bound to be under my wrath eventually.
The Master has decided now is the perfect time, as it’s gotten a surprising advocate in it’s corner. That being former President of the United States, Bill Clinton. For those that don’t know, Slick Willy is a huge fan of film, boasting a vast knowledge of the art that rivals that of film historians. The late, great Roger Ebert once interviewed him in the nineties and was blown away by his cognition. He grew up loving cinema, with his favorite film being “High Noon”, and has referred to film as a defining element of American culture.
Needless to say, Clinton knows his stuff and I surely want to spend a day at the movies with him. What is baffling is his adoration for this clichéd and mostly humorless film. Granted, it’s not as bad as most have made it out to be, but it’s certainly not good. It may boast a surprisingly good cast, but they’re all wasted in a bottomless pit of agony.
The film centers around Christopher Hawkins (Antwan Andre Patton a.k.a. Big Boi, whose charisma is wasted), whose rapper name is C-Note. He wants to become a member of the Carolina Pine Golf Course, but the President, Richard Cummings (Jeffrey Jones), is a racist asshole who turns him down. As he tells his colleagues, he doesn’t want these gangsters ruining his chances of hosting the U.S. Open. Taking offense, C-Note buys an acre of the property that’s lease had just run out (how convenient) and blackmails the owner into giving him a membership in exchange for the land.
What follows is ninety minutes of fish-out-of-water jokes, culture clashes and dubious amounts of toilet humor. The latter almost always coming from the talented Faizon Love, who plays one of C-Note’s buddies, Big Large. He gets two of the film’s “biggest laughs”, the first being when he’s sent careening out of a golf cart and crushing Cummings; the other being when he and two other C-Note cronies are shaving nude in the club’s bathroom and he farts and shakes his cock around in order to embarrass a stuffy member. It’s a shame Love constantly gets saddled with lame humor, as he has tremendous comedic timing.
Other cast members who deserve better would be James Avery (yes, Uncle Phil), who plays Caddy Mack, who has worked for the golf course for years and knew C-Note’s father (spoiler alert: he was a caddy who actually had the highest score on the course, but Cummings labeled it a forgery and cheated his way to that honor). He doesn’t get much to work with, though his appearance alone sparks interest. Another popular face is Garrett Morris, who has a cameo as Hawkins’ preaching lawyer. His appearance isn’t too surprising, as he’s had to wade through a lot of garbage in his career. Terry Crews and Tony Cox also show up, unfortunately having to phone in their usual routine. The former is fresh out of jail and is wooing Lady G (Sherri Shepherd, who I doubt ever brought this up on “The View”), C-Note’s manager, and the latter is hired by Cummings to take out Christopher, but is subjected to tired “small” jokes. Lil’ Wayne also pops up as himself, with it being almost as random as Coolio in “Leprechaun in the Hood”.
Other cast members are utilized to their limited potential. Andy Milonakis, who’s fifteen minutes of fame was quickly running out, plays Richard’s son, Wilson. He hates his father and takes a shining to C-Note, even joining up with his crew and going to strip clubs (despite the fact that he’s supposed to be underage). I’m of the belief they casted him not because of his minor fame portraying a man child, but because they didn’t want any young boys around Jeffrey Jones. Google his name to discover what I’m referring to. A young Cam Gigandet gets a minor supporting role as Mick, a caddy who’s actually a really good golfer. C-Note gives him props and the encouragement he needed to step out of the caddy field.
The film hits all of the usual notes. Don Michael Paul, working off a script he co-wrote with Bradley Allenstein & Robert Henny, never takes any chances with the material. I’m not saying he had to make drastic changes or subvert the genre. All I ask is that he played with the formula a bit. Instead of having him buy an acre of property for blackmail purposes, why not have C-Note add onto his share and open his own golf course to rival Carolina Pines? Maybe even have the U.S. Open board members interested in hosting the tournament at his course. That’s a fine way of sticking it to the man.
I joked to myself early on that the only reason Bill Clinton likes this film is because he gets a shout-out within the first few minutes. Sure, it’s in a derogatory fashion, as Cummings turns down the idea of him becoming a member and regrets ever voting for him, but it’s a shout-out nonetheless. In all seriousness, I can see why Bill would like this movie. I may find it to be one-note and humorless (aside from a few chuckles), but it is relatively harmless. The only offensive moment (outside of the “N” bombs, but most of those were dropped by Faizon Love) is when Hawkins’ mother (Jenifer Lewis) speaks of her generation being better and actually tells C-Note’s love interest, Shannon (Tamala Jones) that she shouldn’t be busy working, but instead be in the bedroom making babies. Way to set your gender back!
I guess I forgot to mention that Shannon is a lawyer hired by Cummings to settle the dispute between he and C-Note. While playing a pivotal part, she falls into the background, mainly because she doesn’t provide any fart jokes. This goes to show how rudderless “Who’s Your Caddy?” really is. One of it’s main characters can easily be forgotten about.
Now, where was I? Oh, that’s right, defending Bill Clinton’s approval of this film. As I was saying, the film is mostly harmless and, while the jokes didn’t work for me, I can see them working for somebody else. I’m surprised a person whose favorite films consist of “High Noon”, “The Ten Commandments”, “L.A. Confidential” & “Fight Club” would love this, but we all have our own “Laserblast”. I know I’ve liked quite a few films that most have despised *coughPiranha3DDcough*. I just hope Bill gets a pull quote on the Ten Year Anniversary edition in a few years.
How long until George W. Bush announces that “Phat Girlz” is one of his favorite films?
Final Rating: D+