You know when people say they’re fed up with Hollywood and can make their own, better film(s)? “The Black Knight Returns” is a good example of how that’s not always the case. At first I thought this was nothing more than another mock buster, this one obviously ripping off “The Dark Knight”. While it’s modeled after that, I have a feeling Juan Avilez was thinking he could one up Christopher Nolan. Having seen his film, I really hope this wasn’t going through his head.
The only compliment I can give Avilez and his writing crew (Carlos Perez & Ted Chalmers, who came up with the story) is that they know how to write a story. There’s a beginning, a middle and an end. Nowhere in there, however, is anything interesting. Unless you like the idea of actors delivering dialogue that’s the equivalent of a limp High School play, with production values that mirror that. Then, by all means, this is the movie for you!
The story goes that a band of vigilantes known as black knights have protected the innocent since the medieval days. The landscape today is different, however, with the police and media viewing them as criminals. That doesn’t stop these superhero welders from donning their costumes and patrolling the city. Max Grail (Win De Lugo) fears that The Council (who hide behind some business firm façade) will unleash the black plague, so he tracks down his grandson, Evan (Adam Salandra), to train him to become a black knight (the premier one, it seems).
The Council is run by two Head Masters, played by Randal Malone & Lacey Mael. The former looks like he should be hosting a game show and the latter seems as if she came from a teen soap opera. Threatening to overtake them is Simon Darth (Rick Corbett), a prissy rich kid who has a love affair with his adopted mother. As weird as that is, it’s the most inspired aspect of the screenplay.
In between training and going on missions, Evan finds the time to fall in love with Alex Carter (Cheryl Texiera), a businesswoman who just so happens to have stock in The Council’s company. I wonder how this is going to turn out for her. Both Texiera & Salandra try their best to develop chemistry, but it’s hard to do so when the cute dialogue your given are lines such as, “I like your teeth!”
We’re also introduced to Ej (William A. Majors Jr.), who is the Black Knights Organization’s technical wizard. He’s the only person operating this field and does so in the basement of a warehouse. There’s a scene that’s supposed to be comedic, where Ej & Evan believe the other is their sidekick, but it falls flat. Mainly because one of them wears tights and gets a nickname and the other is stuck in a basement. They both suck, really.
There’s not much else to “The Black Knight Returns”. While most mock busters at least have some unintentional hilarity, this one is simply boring. Even at eighty-seven minutes it feels too long, having to reshow certain scenes (such as the opening) to pad the time. The actors are left to dangle and deliver lame dialogue, as well as partake in fights that seem choreographed by a blind ape. If unintentional hilarity is what you seek, look elsewhere.
Final Rating: F