I’m still processing “Tiptoes”. I still can’t believe it’s real. I know I just sat through the entirety of it’s ninety minute runtime, but I feel it was a figment of my imagination. A fever rush brought on by too much bad movie watching. As if I’ve dreamed up the ultimate bad movie, one that involved actors in their prime performing in a film that may have had good intentions, but is horrifically offensive and laughable. Except “Tiptoes” isn’t even that unintentionally funny. Sure, it has it’s moments, enough to fill a highlight reel with, but not enough to warrant an entire viewing.
I don’t want to accuse director Matthew Bright or screenwriter Bill Weiner for being insensitive, as it’s possible they made “Tiptoes” with the best of intentions. On paper, it may have worked. Steven Bedalia (Matthew McConaughey) is engaged to Carol (Kate Beckinsale) and learns she’s pregnant. He’s worried the child may grow up with a disability, as he comes from a family of dwarves. We see this in the beginning, when he’s at a little people convention, one in which his brother, Rolfe (Gary Oldman), is late to due to his friend Maurice (Peter Dinklage) and his new girlfriend, Lucy (Patricia Arquette).
That has all the makings for a good drama. The problem is the film is inconsistent. One second Steven is a sweet and loving gentleman who seems to care about his family and Carol. The next he’s hateful and throws violent temper tantrums. These wild transitions don’t just happen from scene to scene. It sometimes happens within seconds of each other. For example, he’s having a conversation with Carol in bed and they’re gently talking about his life with his family. A few seconds later, he’s getting angry and she’s suggesting counseling. Where did that come from?
While these inconsistencies can be maddening, what hurts the film the most is it’s offensive depiction of dwarves. This may sound blasphemous, as it does tend to treat them normally and does highlight that they have common problems (such as Rolfe’s on and off girlfriend who is a sex addict; and I just realized that sex addiction isn’t exactly common; my bad). By casting Gary Oldman in the lead as Rolfe, the filmmakers unintentionally spit in the face of little people. Nothing against Gary Oldman, who’s a wonderful actor and proves it by putting on a good performance here), but why couldn’t an actual little person play his role? Why not Peter Dinklage? He’s a solid actor whose character and relationship with Lucy is nothing but an afterthought. Not only that, but the effects used to make Oldman smaller are obvious and it can be goofy watching him, unfortunately.
Combine the two issues and you’ve got a bonafide failure on your hands. Add in the fact that the actors were in their prime at the time or at least established. This was made ten years ago. Oldman was established as a phenomenal actor; McConaughey was a star; Beckinsale was picking up steam and soon starting to anchor most of the “Underworld” series; Patricia Arquette was established; even David Alan Grier shows up as Jerry Robin Jr. a spokesperson for the little people convention who’s apparently a star judging by the way people react to him. What went through their minds when they were filming this? Surely they accepted thinking the script was good and the film would be heartfelt. That or drugs played a huge factor.
There are moments of unintentional hilarity that almost bring this into fun failure territory. A lot of the heavy dramatic scenes come across as such, especially when Carol pulls Steven aside from his job to have a serious talk after meeting his brother. Scenes like this come across as parody, like a Saturday Night Live sketch thrown in randomly. Then there’s the scene where McConaughey shouts, “I’m a dwarf!” that had me in stitches. Even the scene where their parents meet each other is kind of funny, what with it seeming as if Carol’s mother is disturbed by the dwarves, only for it to be her being nervous since they want the wedding to be Jewish so Carol’s grandfather will attend.
These scenes aren’t enough to make the film worthwhile, though. They’re good for a laugh, but they don’t solve the issues at hand. Mainly Bright’s inconsistency on handling the subject matter and forcing drama on the audience. Even the ending is inconsistent. It may make sense with all of the happenings leading up to it, but it doesn’t answer a lot of issues. It feels as if it should’ve taken place in the middle of the film. Maybe it was. Maybe the film went on for another half hour. We were just blessed enough to have it cut off, allowing us to escape the torture.
Final Rating: F