Like a lot of masochistic wrestling fans, I’ve been playing WWE ’13 recently. While I was drooling over all the Attitude era roster and storylines, I did realize that THQ was still making it. My fear was confirmed early as a lot of issues are still in the game, but downloading Al Snow and Tiger Ali Singh to add to the fracas made me feel better. Anyhow, the reason I’m mentioning that game in a “WCW Monday Nitro” review is because the Attitude stories tend to remind you of WCW. Why would they do that? So they could show you that they totally stomped WCW and ran them out of business. Can you blame WWE for bragging though? They ran WCW out of business a long time ago and it’s not like they have ever buried that organization before anyway.
Oh right, they do that a lot. In real fairness, I’m sure WCW would have celebrated the anniversary of WWE’s demise each year and thrown a parade led by Eric Bischoff, Ted Turner and perennial WCW champion, who married Jennie Turner, Terra Ryzin. So maybe a slight dig in a video isn’t so bad.
The night I first saw Nitro was the greatest night in the history of my life
Steal my line again and I'll sick Damien 666 on you!
Easy captain hyperbole, I don’t want to step on your toes like Bobby Heenan used to. That man is Tony Schiavone and he was the voice of Nitro once that freakin Eric Bischoff got off the microphone. He was joined by a host of other commentators like Scott Hudson, Larry (New World Odor) Zbyysko, The Brain, Dusthy Rhodes, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay, Ernest Miller, and many more. Tony was a company guy through and through. He proclaimed to the heavens how wonderful Nitro was every week and buried Mick Foley with extreme prejudice. The man was an angel.
Nitro’s early days saw the malls of America and smaller venues. This is kind of weird considering the money they had behind them, but I guess old Ted Turner wanted to be sure before he began pumping money into this rasslin’ thing. We’ll just skip ahead to a point where Nitro began to catch fire. It started a little before the summer of 1996 but let’s be real; I loved the cruiserweights, Disco Inferno and the American Males, but the NWO really took it up a notch. And here concludes my schilling for the WWE because they came out with a DVD on the New World Order just last week. You’re welcome Vince.
Shocked Vince hasn't brought these girls back
Yes, the New World Order of wrestling brother. The young upstarts Kevin Nash and Scott Hall invaded WCW and enlisted the help of legit the biggest shocker in wrestling: The Immortal Hulk Hogan. It is easy to say in retrospect that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but him turning to the dark side was a huge shock then and if anyone other than Bobby Heenan says they saw it coming they’re lying. I can assure you when 6 years old me found out I was devastated. I cried, I believe I broke a Hulk Hogan action figure by hurling it against the wall. I remember my mom had to sit up and console me and try to calm me down without flat out telling me it’s fake. Considering I know how much she hates wrestling now, I have to give her kudos there. Sadly, if my memory serves correctly, soon after the illusion was ruin when Brian “Fat” Knobbs got hit in the face with a fire extinguisher and didn’t bleed or die. Just kidding, some documentary was on TV and it killed it. So when Macho Man went black and white I just colored his action figure in.
My favorite part of Nitro then and now; this man:
Okay, maybe not just him, but his brethren. The masked luchadors and the sporadic white guys flying about really made Nitro stand out from the WWE (I’m brainwashed) and helped keep little kid me interested. I also loved DDP and hope to one day be so fat I can do his yoga and meet him. The cruiserweights really added something most basic American viewers hadn’t ever seen. Along with guys wrestling in horned masks and dragon costumes, it was fast paced, smash mouth and crazy looking. It made such a big impact on me that I only like that kind of wrestling now. Thanks a lot Super Calo, you’re flamboyant yet bodacious wrestling acumen made the Great Khali unwatchable for me.
He didn't influence my opinion. I doubt the crap out of El Dandy
A fantastic tag team division also helped make WCW stand out. Vince McMahon (damn it) has never really cared for having more than two wrestlers in the ring at a time. I bet if he didn’t need a referee he’d keep him out too. Teams like the Steiners, the Outsiders, Luger and Sting, High Voltage and the Harlem Heat really made WCW special.
High Voltage? Really?
My personal favorites were the boys from Harlem, Texas. So you can imagine my pain when they both had stints on commentary and jabbered on like mental patients. Something about portraying slaves in the 1990s must really mess with a guy’s psyche.
A bustling mid card and job squad really kept things fresh on WCW airwaves. So much so that they flew in like 100 people to shows where they had 15 perform. They tried their hardest to make billionaire Ted a hundredaire. Sadly Prince Iaukea was paid in coconuts and Buff Bagwell in steroids so they managed to save some cash.
I could make insider references and talk about obscure WCW wrestlers all day. In light of doing that, I’ll try to be a little broader with my conclusion. Who wants to talk about Ice Train or Sick Boy? Anyone? Please? Fine, I’ll just end in saying that this show really shook up the wrestling landscape and made the market interesting again. When WWE crushed them after inept decision by guys named Vince and Eric, WCW has remained the butt of joke after joke; especially in reincarnating itself in Orlando. I sure miss it though and will continue to give out money every time anything WCW is put out. So good job McMahon, you got me. I fought the good fight but sadly we finally figured out who’s better than Kanyon.
IT WAS ME KANYON! IT WAS ME ALONG!