The Specs
Rated R
Director John Shepphird
Running Time 87 minutes
Studio Anchor Bay Entertainment
Release Date August 28th, 2012
The Story
With summer in full swing and a record-breaking Fourth of July crowd soaking up the boardwalk sun, Seaside Heights is the place to be in New Jersey! But when an illegal coastal drilling operation inadvertently unleashes a horde of man-eating albino bull sharks, the city is hurled into deadly chaos! Can a local Jersey crew band together to fend off the blood thirsty, ravenous sharks before the whole town is consumed?
The Cast
Melissa Morlinaro as Nookie. Before this, she’s also worked on HONEY 2.
Tony Sirico as Captain Salie. Best known as Paulie Walnuts from THE SOPRANOS
William Atherton as Dolan. Best known as Walter “Dickless” Peck from GHOSTBUSTERS. Has worked on TV shows and movies like the JUSTICE LEAGUE TV show as Dr. Destiny, Professor Jerry Hathaway in REAL GENIUS, as well as Richard “Dick” Thornburg in DIE HARD and DIE HARD 2.
Joey Fatone as Himself. Former member of the boy band N*Sync, as well as an actor who worked on movies like MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, THE COOLER, and ON THE LINE.
The Dissection
Recently, an attempt has been made to make movies fit into the mold of old B-movies and cult classics, trashy cinema that may not be the best, but still elicit some enjoyment when watching. Movies that you can watch with people and just enjoy the badness of a movie. Movies, as a whole, have moved toward that direction with genre films, focused on horror, action, and comedy. Numerous movies have been released with this in mind.
However, there is a fine line with films of that nature. There is a fine line between being a good bad movie and a just plain bad movie. What side does JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK lie on? It is firmly planted, cemented, and bolted down in that second part.
Joey Fatone and a shark.
The movie, to its credit, has an interesting idea by setting this joke about having a shark attack movie set in the world of the stereotypical Jersey Shore, a joke this movie drags all through it’s 87 minute run time. The thing about it is that the actual heart of the movie, the shark attacks, don’t really involve much of the Jersey Shore, until the end. It could have been something from any shark attack movie, and the story of this even feels like another way to rip off JAWS, and even having scenes that repeat lines from it with the Guido style.
Onto the characters themselves, the main characters of the film are the Jersey Shore people, renamed to not get in trouble. Snooki is called Nookie, The Situation is called The Complication, etc. And, yes, these people are the main characters. They are the heroes of the movie, playing the Brody role in this movie. So, people who come in to expect these people to be the victim, that seems to go to random red shirts and Joey Fatone.
The Male Guidos. All that's missing is Robbie E.
The rest of the cast surprisingly reveals some actual veteran actors. Not just William Atherton, but also Paul Sorvino. The problem with this isn’t that they are in the movie, but they’re barely in the movie. They have a couple of lines, some jokes, and it’s back to the Shore people again. It makes you wonder the point of including them at all.
The real issue with the movie is that, when you get right down to it, there’s nothing to this movie. It’s a few Jersey Shore jokes, some cheap shark attack effects, and nothing much else. It’s basically a bunch of jokes and absurd scenes tied together with some reason to keep the movie going.
The Extras
Not much. Spanish and English subtitles, along with a director’s commentary and a behind the scenes videos are all there are.
The Verdict
Unless you really enjoy Syfy movies and enjoy anything related to Jersey Shore, there’s no reason to watch this movie. Direct to DVD movies have had a excess of shark movies that you could watch, and any of those could do the job better than this movie does.
Pass (1/5)
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