Welcome, one and all, to another edition of Movienalia! With schools starting back up, I decided it was time to take Movienalia back to class. This week we join Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas of “Dumb and Dumber” fame as they attend High School. That’s right, it’s a prequel to “Dumb and Dumber”. You know, because the world was clamoring to see how the two met. They did purvey a message in this film, though, so it wasn’t all for naught. That message being pay attention in school and don’t wind up writing a shoddy film like this!
So kick back, relax, grab your dictionary and enjoy my torture of “Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd”!
-The title cards are misspelled. Get it?
-I find it extremely uncomfortable getting a POV shot of a baby coming out of the womb. Especially when the first image you see is a doctor sporting a creepy grin.
-The baby went back into the uterus. How does that make it stupid? It could have just been frightened that the doctor was going to kill him. I feared the same thing when I first seem him.
-“Your son will be very good at hide and seek, Mrs. Dunne.” That and avoiding creepy doctors.
-How did the baby bite the doctor? It doesn’t have any teeth. Also, that doesn’t make the baby dumb. It makes it Hannibal Lecter.
-We cut to eight years later where the police have been called about a man trapped in a well. That man being the director. He jumped down there to avoid facing his peers after making this turd.
-Harry called the cops because his imaginary friend fell in the fake well in his backyard. I’d call a priest. Remember when Regan had an imaginary friend?
-“He just has an overactive imagination.” Too bad the writers don’t.
-We cut to ten years later. Before you know it, they’ll jump so far ahead in time they’ll simply start showing footage from “Dumb and Dumber”.
-Harry is now eighteen and still has an imaginary friend. Is it appropriate that he looks like a stoner?
-It’s Harry’s first day of public school. Considering his age, he’s either a junior or senior. If she’s been home schooling him since he was a child, why not just do another year or two? It’s kind of pointless to enter him into public school now.
-She’s entering him into school so he can make friends. An admirable reason, though she could have set up play dates with the local kids over the years.
-To convince
-“You’re going to discover a whole new world when you get to school.” “Like Marco Polo! The guy who invented the swimming pool.” That joke fails because the writers wanted the punch line to be him mistaking Marco Polo for Christopher Columbus. Not only is that a stretch, but he clearly thinks Polo invented the swimming pool (because of the pool game). How would discovering a new world make him think of pools? That’s not being dumb. That’s laziness on the writers’ part.
-The way she convinces him to go to school is by drawing him a treasure map that leads to the school. Honestly, that’s not a bad idea. It would have helped me when I was younger. Maybe not when I was in High School, but still.
-Luis Guzman is Lloyd Christmas’ father. That’s a plus in my book.
-Lloyd is the school janitor’s son. Why do they make it seem as if they live there? I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure most janitors have a home.
-Lloyd is playing “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice while cleaning the school. This is an anachronism, as this film takes place in 1986 and that song didn’t come out until 1990. How hard was it for them to find a pop song from 1986 to play?
-Lloyd covered his body in napkins. Is that supposed to be funny?
-Lloyd has to catch his bus, despite the fact that he’s already at school. I’ll admit, that made me chuckle.
-I’ll give the actors playing Harry and Lloyd credit. They’re doing a good job of capturing the spirit of the characters (especially Eric Christian Olsen). The writers, however, aren’t. Do remember that, while not smart, Harry Dunne was never a complete moron. He could read and write coherently. It was Lloyd that had trouble doing so. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Lloyd to be the home schooled dolt and Harry to be the simpleminded High School student?
-Lloyd just made fun of a French guy by calling him French. What?!?
-Harry is being chased by a vicious dog. You know, because he’s dumb.
-Harry and Lloyd crashed into each other which played out like two lovers running to each other in a romance movie. Another chuckle out of me.
-Lloyd chipped his tooth on Harry’s head. Did we really need an explanation for why he had a chipped tooth?
-Lloyd believes his mother is the Tooth Fairy. The Rock and Larry the Cable Guy would like to have a few words with your mother.
-Harry believes Lloyd is Santa’s son because his last name is Christmas. Too obvious to be funny.
-“Home school. What’s that?” The writers are at least starting to get the jokes right. All they need to do now is make them funny.
-Why wouldn’t the bus stop for Harry and Lloyd? Is the bus driver a dick? I kind of want to see his story more. What made him become a dick?
-“Is that what I think it is?” “Nope! It’s a treasure map.” Another chuckle. I don’t think this is going to be as bad as people make it out to be.
-Harry and Lloyd are playing tag. Lloyd tried to explain the rules philosophically. You read that right.
-“High School’s all about looking cool.” It is? Why didn’t I get the memo?
-Lloyd called cheerleaders as being a part of a dangerous cult. Too bad jokes like this come in small doses and only elicit a chuckle.
-Why is Lloyd insulting all of the girls? In “Dumb & Dumber” he was physically attracted to Mary. Here, they’re treating him as having no attraction to anyone. If the joke was he hit puberty late, I could understand. But, he clearly has a grasp on the human body and physical attractions. Being dumb doesn’t make you oblivious to lust.
-“Oh my gosh! She’s not wearing any underwear!” “I know. How dorky is that? I’m wearing two pair right now.” This is why people trashed this film. For every minor chuckle, there’s a big joke like this that falls flat on it’s face.
-Lloyd is being bullied by Pnub from “Idle Hands”. I just rewatched that the other week with my friends and stated how I wish that actor got more work. I should have stated more good work.
-Lloyd is so dumb he believes being bullied is just playful banter between friends. It works within the confines of the character, but it’s just not funny.
-Lloyd just told the underwear-less girl that he hopes the carpet matches the drapes. He then stated he was referring to the library (because she’s holding the school paper which discusses the library). What a cheap joke!
-The underwear-less girl has been assigned to write an article on Harry Dunne. It was either that or on four colored ink pens. I’d rather read an article on the pens.
-“I’d rather be writing a hard hitting investigative piece, but nothing ever happens around here.” What the actress was thinking was, “I’d rather be acting in a good film, but my agent sucks!”
-Her name is Jessica Matthews. Can she get anymore generic?
-“Did Jessica give you that banana in your pants?” “No, my mom did!” That’s not funny! That’s disturbing!
-It turns out there was actually a banana in his pants that his mother gave him. It’s still not funny.
-The bully’s name is Turk. Was Rover taken?
-Lloyd was held back two years. That clears up my issue from earlier somewhat.
-Eugene Levy is the principal. This proves that he’ll take any role as long as the paycheck is sizable.
-Cheri Oteri is his assistant. Don’t you normally hire people with comedic talent for a comedy?
-Levy and Oteri are having a love affair. Why are they hiding it? Would anybody even care?
-Levy wants to milk the school of money to get a condo in Waikiki. Why not just rob a bank?
-Any school that has a special needs class will be given a hundred grand grant. Levy’s plan is to set up a fake special needs class and then steal the money. It works.
-Turk hung Harry and Lloyd on the flagpole by their underwear. They think it’s a fun game. Why would he continue to bully them if they enjoy it? Bullies only attack those who are smaller than them and don’t like the abuse. That’s where they get their enjoyment from. If the victim enjoys it, they’ll eventually get tired and move on to someone else.
-The special needs class takes place in the cafeteria. It’s funny because that’s not a classroom. Scratch that. I meant to say it’s not funny.
-“Who’s Principal Collins?” “The principal.” Really?!?
-Harry and Lloyd are assigned to find more classmates for the special needs class. Couldn’t the principal just take the lowest ranked students in the school and place them in the class? It’d be quicker and much easier.
-Lloyd just asked if them finding students to be in the class is going to be on the midterm. I’m beginning to see why people hate this film.
-Lloyd usually eats in the bathroom because, and I quote, “It saves time. You know, out with the old, in with the new.” I’d rather not know.
-“Harry?” “The second ‘r’ is silent.” What?!?
-They believe a skateboarder nursing an injury via crutches is crippled and special. I’ll buy it.
-Lloyd said the downfall of the class is that there’s no homework. Being dumb doesn’t mean you want to do homework.
-Turk was caught spying on the girls in the locker room. Ten bucks says that wasn’t in the script and that was candidly caught.
-One of the football players was put on the disabled list after a tackle, therefore he was automatically signed up for the special needs class. What?!?
-They’re recruiting a foreign exchange student and making insensitive imitations. Being dumb doesn’t excuse you from being an asshole.
-Shia LeBeouf is dressed as the school mascot. Why couldn’t that be his actual career?
-Harry and Lloyd believe he’s half man, half horse because he’s in a costume. Ugh!
-They’re playing the A-Team theme as the special needs class walks down the hallway. At least that’s culturally relevant.
-Lloyd is staying the night at Harry’s. He left a note for his father in the gym. He wrote it in ketchup on the floor (you know, because that’s what dumb people do). He also wrote that they’re out of ketchup. He wrote most of that in ketchup, except for the last three letters (which were written in mustard). How would he know they would be out of ketchup before writing that? They clearly had enough to write most of that last line.
-They’ve taken cards and pieces from various board games and are making up nonsensical games as they go. Wouldn’t it be funnier for them to play something like Monopoly but not get the concept?
-We’re getting a flashback to Harry as a kid playing with his imaginary friend. Does the child actor playing young Harry have dirt on the director? Why else is he still in this film?
-Lloyd believes Harry’s mother has a crush on him because she kissed him on the forehead goodnight. I thought he hated women in that way.
-“Maybe soon I’ll be your new daddy.” The way he said that was creepier than it should have been.
-They’re taking a class photo. The actors probably want that burned now.
-Cheri’s character is dumb. Which one is she? Dumb or Dumberer?
-The special needs class is now being held in the shed. Wouldn’t the administrative office be against that? If some of the students in the class had certain special needs, putting them around sharp and dangerous objects would be a bad idea.
-“There is nothing more American than not doing anything and getting away with it.” Turk speaks the truth!
-Shia’s nickname in the film is Jack Off. Who knew that would stick?
-The football player believes he’s still playing in the game and crashed through the wall. They actually did recruit someone special. How about that.
-Did Lloyd just say Benjamin Franklin killed Godzilla? I want to see that instead of this!
-Harry and Lloyd are skipping school to go the gas station. What a weird place to go while skipping class. Where are they going next, the retirement home?
-The two believe that Abraham Lincoln was named Abraham Slushey and they named the drink after him. What?!?
-Brian Posehn is the clerk. Fuck yeah!
-Harry and Lloyd are playing tag in the gas station. People paid to see this.
-Only Brian Posehn could take a lame role such as playing a clerk who is forced into playing tag with Harry and Lloyd and make it awesome. You’re the man, Brian!
-They’re drinking the slushies really fast and are getting a brain freeze. Even toddlers don’t find this funny.
-Jessica came by and said hello. Is she skipping school too?
-The person giving them the grant will be at the school’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Wasn’t it just the first day of school? This movie moves through time quickly.
-The principal tapes everything that goes on in his office. This includes his intimate encounters with the assistant and all of evil plans. Why would he tape that?
-The special needs class is going on a field trip on a small bus. That’s just insulting!
-“Turk, what are you doing here?” “Special needs class!” “Being a jerk doesn’t make you special!” That was a weak burn.
-“This is a much bigger story than four colored pens.” I think four colored pens sold more than this film did.
-Jessica is following the Special Needs class because she think she has a story. How bored is she?
-Cheri is trying to lose Jessica, which has turned into the world’s worst car chase. If you’ve ever wanted to see a station wagon chase a small bus, then this movie is for you. Actually, I’d suggest you seek help.
-The field trip is at a museum. How exciting.
-Harry believes the stuffed polar bear is real. Ugh!
-“Are you trying to be funny or are you actually special?” He’s neither, just like this movie.
-Jessica invited Harry to her house to discuss the Special Needs class. He mistakes this as a date. I thought he was supposed to be dumb. Shouldn’t he misinterpret that as he’s moving in or something?
-Did Lloyd just say, “Chicks are for fags”?
-“She’ll be all over you like a barrel full of monkeys!” What does that even mean? Is she going to maul him?
-Lloyd told Harry to buy her some chocolate. He got her a candy bar. An admirable attempt at a joke, but it didn’t work.
-Harry is practicing how he’s going to introduce himself to Jessica by talking to her and constantly screwing up. A light chuckle.
-“Harry, you’re so funny!” “Really? I’m not even trying!” That’s pretty clear.
-“There’s a lot to go over, Harry, so it might get hard for you.” Oh come on! They’re making the sexual innuendo way too obvious.
-Harry sat on the heater and thinks it’s Jessica that’s making him hot. Really?!?
-The chocolate bar melted in Harry’s pocket. His solution is to wipe it on the bathroom wall. It’s dumb, I’ll give them that.
-So, Harry making a mess in the bathroom is supposed to be reminiscent of him having diarrhea in “Dumb and Dumber” and Lloyd riding a waxer on the sidewalk is supposed to be reminiscent of him riding a scooter? At least they’re trying.
-Harry escaped through the bathroom window where Lloyd met him in the front yard. Some would say it was fate that brought them together. I say it’s plot convenience.
-Harry changed into Jessica’s father’s suit and Lloyd is feeding him dialogue through the window. If only Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels and the Farrelly Brothers were on set to do the same thing.
-Lloyd started talking to a dog which lead to Harry repeating such dialogue as, “I bet you want your head scratched.” Once again, they’re trying. Not succeeding, but trying.
-“Don’t snap at me like that! You’re lucky I don’t punch you in the face!” It seems as if Lloyd switched out for Chris Brown in the advice department.
-“Oh, I remember you. How could I forget those big, hairy nipples?” Who the hell would say this to a dog?!?
-Bob Saget is Jessica’s father. No wonder she’s such a bitch!
-Jessica caught Lloyd outside. She actually asked him what he was doing there. How can she not put two and two together?
-Harry is eating a stick of butter. There’s dumb, then there’s incompetent.
-I’m mistaken. Harry is wearing Jessica’s mother’s suit. Still not funny.
-Lloyd just told Jessica he has a key to every room in the school. She got so excited, she kissed him. Harry seen this and misinterpreted it as her cheating on him. The audience misinterpreted this as a good twist in the story. They quickly realized they were mistaken.
-Harry’s insult to Jessica was, “I thought you were from St. Louis!” I don’t get it either, folks.
-Bob Saget discovered the chocolate on the walls and mistook it as shit. He did the same thing with the script. He read shit and mistook it as art.
-Lloyd drew a watch on his hand. Tiny chuckle.
-Lloyd is excited to be going on “a date” with Jessica and is fantasizing about her and many women. When did he suddenly develop an interest in women? He felt content with being single throughout.
-He fantasized about a woman with three breasts. They didn’t even hire the chick from “Total Recall”. Way to miss out on a golden opportunity.
-“You just want him because he’s a genius like Albert Frankenstein.” At least Frankenstein is close in name to Einsten.
-Lloyd is fantasizing a make out contest between Jessica and Harry’s mother. I have a better fantasy; a good movie!
-Harry invaded Lloyd’s fantasy on a jetpack. Did they have a jetpack lying around and decided to incorporate it somehow?
-Lloyd farted in the pool. I’m surprised it took them this long to make a fart joke.
-Back to reality. It still sucks!
-“Let’s just do it and get out of here!” How does she not notice the sexual innuendos she’s making?
-Lloyd can’t take his shoe off. How does he even dress himself?
-“Did you at least enjoy yourself?” “No! This was a complete waste of time!” The response the film got after it’s test screening.
-Jessica abandoned Lloyd to clean up the principal’s office to spend the night with her boyfriend. Now that’s a burn!
-Lloyd found the principal’s chest filled with the incriminating tapes and mistook it for Harry’s treasure chest. At least they thought this one through.
-Lloyd threw a cinderblock through Harry’s window to get his attention. I thought he was dumb, not insane.
-Harry is talking to his imaginary friend to make Lloyd jealous. I talk to my imaginary friend and I get institutionalized. What am I doing wrong?
-Harry and Lloyd’s friendship is over. Oh no. This greatly saddens me. How will I go on with my life?
-A sad montage? Are you fucking kidding me?!?
-This may be the only montage that includes a hit to the nuts. This film is making history. Too bad nobody will remember it.
-The song playing is “Nothing At All”. How fitting.
-Shia LeBeouf is dressed as a pirate and Lloyd mistakes him as Harry’s imaginary friend. He tackled him and gave him a black eye. Eric Christian Olsen became a hero in many people’s eyes.
-Lloyd stole the polar bear from the museum to win back Harry. How sweet! And by sweet, I mean demented.
-What was with the cutaway gag of the little girl asking her mother where the polar bear went and the mother telling her it was shot like her father?
-“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any madder at you, you do something like this. Get that polar bear out of my yard and into my room!” They couldn’t even get the quote from the original right!
-We move from one montage to another. Seriously?!?
-The song playing is “Making My Dreams Come True”. More like making my nightmares come true.
-Harry and Lloyd made fur coats out of the polar bear. If they’re dumb, how do they know how to knit fur coats?
-They bumped into Shia, who is now afraid of Harry. This is the man that’s supposed to save us from the Decepticons. We’re screwed!
-Eugene Levy is looking for his chest. He should be looking for his career.
-Cheri believes Jessica stole the chest. I guess she’s not that dumb after all. I mean, she’s dumb, but not that dumb.
-Why would the Special Needs class build the float for the Thanksgiving Day Parade? Wouldn’t the school committee do that?
-They’re doing a float of George Washington crossing the Delaware to commemorate Thanksgiving. Too bad he crossed the Delaware on December 24th.
-“We’re going to look like idiots!” You don’t already?
-If the students don’t make the float, they’ll be kicked out of the special needs class. How would they explain that to the administrative office?
-Now we’re getting a montage of them making the float. Enough with the montages!
-The principal is interrogating Jessica about his chest by locking her in his car. I guess he wants his jail sentence to be harsher.
-Brian Posehn is back! I missed you, buddy!
-Brian’s taunting Harry and Lloyd by drinking a and not letting them have any. You show them, Brian!
-Harry and Lloyd are bribing a little kid to get them slushies. This isn’t funny, it’s sad.
-The principal is calling Jessica’s parents and pretending to be her friend Brenda. His reasoning is to abduct Jessica and not have her parents search for her. The director’s reasoning is to have Eugene Levy do a female voice.
-The little kid got Harry and Lloyd their slushies, which they rubbed in Brian’s face (those bastards). The little kid told them to grow up. You go, little kid!
-Harry and Lloyd spotted Jessica with the principal and think they’re dating. I can see the potential for humor, but it’s not working out.
-Their way of being inconspicuous is by filling gasoline into the interior of a car. If they were in New York, nobody would bat an eye. Too bad they’re in Providence.
-They’re chasing after them in a shopping cart. Will this turn into a “Jackass” stunt?
-“Eye of the Tiger” is being played. Way to butcher that song!
-Brian Posehn lit a cigarette and the gas station blew up. He survived, thankfully.
-Harry and Lloyd got distracted by the ice cream truck. Ice cream takes precedent over women every day.
-They actually caught up with them. That’s right, despite being distracted, Harry and Lloyd were able to catch up with a car in a shopping cart. I’m willing to suspend disbelief, but this is stretching it.
-The principal took Jessica to his house. Why would you take her somewhere so obvious?
-We got a flashback to Harry and Lloyd getting hot dogs before arriving at the principal’s house. The only reason this exists is so the writers could put this line in the film: “It was fun until Harry put his wiener in my ear!” I’m not kidding.
-The principal is playing the mix tape Lloyd made for Jessica. It’s him singing “Jessica” over and over again. Put it on Youtube and he’ll become famous overnight.
-Jessica is trying to tell Harry and Lloyd something important, but they’re spacing out. So is the audience.
-Harry and Lloyd are going to get the chest and prove the principal is guilty, thus saving Jessica. Is it wrong that I hope they fail?
-“I ate your mom’s pie!” The Rock would be proud.
-“The real treasure is our friendship.” They actually made Harry utter this line. Just because he’s dumb doesn’t mean he has to spout dumb, cheesy lines.
-Harry and Lloyd are playing one of the principal’s tapes. I will once again ask, why would the principal record his master plan on tape? I know this is “Dumb and Dumberer”, but the villain should have a better plan than that!
-Harry and Lloyd redecorated the George Washington float to resemble their principal. Come to think of it, there should be a Eugene Levy float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
-They cut off some of Shia’s hair while he was asleep to use as the principal’s eyebrows and mustache for the float. This is the only good thing these two have done so far.
-The foreign exchange student was lying about her name and lack of English to hook up with Turk. Did that side story that barely even exist need a revelation?
-The gang has all of the information on the principal and are going to play his tape admitting to his crimes during the parade. Harry and Lloyd are responsible for this, but originally thought they were honoring him. You know, because they’re dumb.
-It turns out the whole grant was a set up from the police to bust the principal for embezzlement. Since they already established a way to out the principal, did they need to include this pointless twist?
-The detective is pretending to be mentally challenged. The worst part of this isn’t that it’s offensive. It’s that it’s not funny. Saying you can turn on the hose is lame and not even an accurate depiction of being mentally challenged.
-The float is out and the tape is playing. Which once again makes me ask why they created the twist with the undercover detective. Was it to have the cops there immediately or to make lame mentally challenged jokes? Most likely the latter.
-Why is the detective still pretending to be mentally challenged? The principal’s plan has been foiled. No reason to keep up the charade.
-Jessica is watching the principal and his assistant get arrested. Wasn’t she locked in his house? How did she escape and get to the school so fast?
-Jessica ran to her boyfriend and Harry and Lloyd mistook this as her cheating on the principal. Whatever.
-Harry and Lloyd made a pact to never let a woman come between them again. They actually got some continuity right. And it was funny. Hooray!
-Two twins drove by and are flirting with Harry and Lloyd. This movie is unrealistic!
-They turned the women down, which is supposed to be reminiscent of the final scene from “Dumb and Dumber”. The problem with this is that, in the original film, they turned the women down unintentionally. Here, they’re doing it knowing they were flirting with them. Therefore, it’s not funny. I knew that continuity joke from a few seconds ago wasn’t going to last.
-Angry that they got turned down, the twins sprayed mud on Harry with their car. I can relate. I mean… that’s never happened to me. *shifts eyes*
-Harry walked out into the street and got hit by a car. Are we going to find out the Harry in “Dumb and Dumber” is a corpse?
-The driver of the car is Bob Saget. He believes Harry is covered in shit. You know, because that joke was so funny it needed to happen again.
-“What is it with you and fecal matter?” Is Bob Saget asking Harry and Lloyd or the writers?
That’s “Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd”. Let me state that, while I didn’t like this film, I didn’t hate it like a lot of people did. It had a few chuckles here and there and the actors portraying Harry and Lloyd do a good job of capturing the spirit of the characters. The problem is the writers don’t. It’s not so much that they don’t get what made the original funny. It’s that they were being lazy. Why put in hard work when you can make a quick and easy buck? Unluckily for the studio, this film didn’t turn a buck. There’s good reason for that.
I’ll see you all next week!