Well lowly earthlings. Some of you may have wondered how and when I arrived to the Freakin Awesome Network. This means you’re either quite astute and sharp eyed…or you’re really nosy! Either way, let me start from the beginning and tell you how it all began.
There once was a giant cosmic battle between two gigantic rivals. There was the celestial god known as Kayfabea, defender of all scripted events in his region of the universe. On the opposite end was Dirt Sheatex, the holy avatar between humans and knowledge of the universe. Obviously these two stood for contrasting ways of thinking. So they had a battle to ensure only one had his way. The marvelous bout took many years and destroyed many worlds (but don’t worry, they were only minor characters). Neither could completely dominate, so they both headed back to their homes and have bacon sandwiches.
And topepd it off with some crystla pepsi.
But that my friends, was the most epic battle witness by all in the universe. Oh yeah. I was talking about how I came to write for FAN. It was a cool fight; Kayfabea did a cool shooting star press (although it’s easier to do when you’re on an actual star in space).
Well anyway, ignore that completely unrelated story I just told. The way it all began for me was when I was at an anime convention, and had a few words with voice actor Kyle Herbert. I merely mentioned to him that the first English dub narrator of dragon Ball Z did a better job than he did…and also that his head was shiny. Before I knew it, I was in a fiery bout with him. We both put each other through tables. But eventually the fight was broke up when security sprayed us with a hose. Later on I read online that someone had written a review of our fight on the site Freakin Awesome Network. The reviewer referred to the bout as “a complete spotfest with no good selling what so ever”.
Although there were a great number of tickets sold.
So naturally I outraged at those that dare mock my disregard of work rate and went to track down who these people at FAN. Once I got to their headquarters I confronted them about what they did. They told me I better leave because I “wasn’t booked”. I told them that they couldn’t afford to pay me, and that their shirts are too tight. This exchange of phrases no one else would understand went on for several hours. Eventually both I and the FAN group started to get hungry, so we headed down to a Sizzlers restaurant (they still exist, I was surprised too). As we gulfed down our meaty meals and sexually harassed the waitresses, we started talking about the website.
They mentioned that they needed more material for anime related stuff. They didn’t particularly care for the quality of my reviews but they needed somebody who could pump out reviews at a frequent and weekly rate. So I volunteered, and was glad to provide the Freakin Awesome Network with my opinions on anime and constant copyright problems. I’m not the only to comment about anime on this site, but I am the only one to provide my own llama bacon.
And that earthlings, is the story of how Vader got his groove back-I mean, how I came to write for Freakin Awesome Network. Things should go smoothly for me here at FAN. Unless something Hogan taking over the realms of anime happens, but what are the chances of that occurring? Hardee har har.
Next time we’ll hear the story of how Austin Aries got his beard. Till then, humans.
About the author: Glitch is a digital demon from planet Fanboy, and is here to teach us humans a thing or two. You can find more of his reviews(and nonsense) over at http://www.youtube.com/takenoutofcontext.