CHIKARA has arrived for it’s 11th exciting season of family-friendly professional wrestling, and we’re kicking things off at the “Easton Fun-Plex” (otherwise known as the Palmer Rec/Community Center) in Easton, Pennsylvania for “The Thirteenth Hat”
The Thirteenth Hat
January 28, 2012; Easton, PA
On commentary: Bryce Remsburg, Gavin Loudspeaker, Leonard F. Chikarason, and Eddie Kingston.
Before we get things started with the show, we open up with Ultramantis Black and Hallowicked, presumably walking towards a cave in the midst somewhere. They summon Delirious, who comes walking out in his BDK attire. So Delirious is living with the Batiri now? Makes sense. They inform him that they now have the Eye of Tyr back within their grasp and that Delirious is free. One spell later, and…Delirious smashes the Eye and runs off. But not before hearing in clear 100% English:
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K CHIKARA.
But on with the show, and what better to kick Season 11 off with, then Mike Quackenbush vs. Green Ant. Not going to lie, I was rather surprised yet not shocked that this opened the show.
Mike Quackenbush vs. Green Ant
The Short Short Version: Green Ant finally gets one over his mentor.
Thoughts: What a great way to kick off a new season of CHIKARA, by having a rookie and a long-time veteran go out there and put on a great clinic for 10 minutes. And I think for about 9 minutes, it was just nothing but holds and solid wrestling. Quack still knows how to tie a guy up in proverbial knots, and even he busted out some variations that I was totally impressed at. And what can I say about Green Ant. Like I said before, this match is the third between the two, and you can see the improvement that the young whippersnapper has had between Match 1 and Match 2, and Match 2 and this match. It seemed like for every hold that Quack had up his sleeve, Green Ant had one to counter with as well.
In the end, Quack tried to go for the Quackendriver III, but Green Ant holds on to the arms and flips Quack over into the CHIKARA Special: Green and QUACK TAPS! There’s something you don’t see every day. Green Ant gets the biggest win of his career so far in singles competition, and you just have to wonder…nobody else has thought about it, but maybe, Quack’s going to get a little rougher and looser out there. The fact that he tapped out to a variation of a move that he invented to one-up Chris Hero, is going to nip at his heels as time goes on. Add this in to the loss against Eddie Kingston at High Noon, and I theorize something may be in the midst here.
Otherwise, fine match to kick off Season 11.
Winner: Green Ant at 10:09
Rating: ***1/2
SEGMENT: We are then greeted by “The Old-Timey King of Swing” Dasher Hatfield, who gets on the mic and reminds us all that he debuted as Dasher in the very same building, only a few years back. He was nervous, but that we made him feel welcome. Same goes for when Sugar Dunkerton made his CHIKARA debut, in the same building as well. Well when Dasher got word that his “step cousin-in-law” followed the both of them and that he trained in the CHIKARA Wrestle Factory, he just knew he had to give him the same kind of welcome. Therefore, he would like us all to welcome, Mark Angelosetti…Mr. Touchdown!
And out he comes, with the paper banner to break through, and the full-on football get-up, completely energetic. He walks into the ring and immediately steals the mic from Dasher. “Sup nerds?!” are the first words out of his mouth. While the crowd pop for that on the DVD sounded good, I think it was louder than that in the live experience, mostly because the entire crowd was rolling with laughter. After a few words, he drops “Now that Mr. Touchdown is here, you better believe that…IT’S GOOD!” and immediately walks out.
Yeah…that just happened. One of the reasons why I love CHIKARA everybody. They can get away with the goofy stuff like this. One has to think where this is all leading up to. Dasher rudo turn? I’m still in the camp that Veronica should side with him. Come on, CHIKARA…that’s money right there to us fans.
Jigsaw vs. Kobald
The Short Short Version: A short, but decent singles match.
Thoughts: Yeah, remember my theory about the Ring of Honor camp “invading” the show? Didn’t happen. I expected that it wouldn’t, but it was still in the back of my mind that it would. Oh well, I didn’t say I was a genius, everybody. Moving on to the match.
For the short time they got, we got a solid match here. Nothing fancy, just tecnico vs. rudo in mortal combat. Kobald has improved though since the last time I saw him though, which has been a while (I can’t remember the last time I saw him in action) but he has fit in nicely as the third member of the Batiri. Jigsaw is still Jigsaw, love him or hate him, and it seems like he’s on a nice roll right now, definitely after his trip to Osaka Pro during CHIKARA’s off-time, not to mention getting a Tag title shot at ROH in April. Jigsaw would get the duke after a superkick to Kobald. A good way to get back on the swing of things.
So for what it was worth, there was nothing terrible here, but nothing that blew me away. If it was a little bit longer, maybe it could’ve been something a bit more memorable.
Winner: Jigsaw at 8:30
Rating: **1/2
PROMO: Oh no, it’s Icarus. Shield your eyes.
He says he knows what to expect from Gran Akuma. And reminds us all that he was the one who kicked him out of F.I.S.T. and will show us all tonight that he doesn’t even belong back in CHIKARA.
Gran Akuma vs. Icarus
The Short Short Version: A rivalry not over by a LONG shot.
Thoughts: Of course, this is Akuma’s first match back in CHIKARA since July of 2010, so it’s been a long time since most of us has probably seen him (if you didn’t watch him during his CZW days) in action. And I must say, dude looks more ripped than ever. We all expected some form of bloodbath by the way Akuma walked out to the ring and looked at Icarus. But we didn’t really get that. What we got was something else entirely, which makes sense when you look at it. Not to say the crowd wasn’t upset, because trust me, they were livid.
After a couple minutes of testing it out between one another, Icarus grabs a chair to try and bait Akuma to go after him, moving to the floor. Akuma just keeps walking and walking towards Icarus, but that’s when Gregory Iron out of all people walks out to ringside and stares down Icarus. We all thought that Iron was here to throw Icarus back into the ring, but before we could think that, the ref’s 20 count was made, and both men were counted out. But Iron backs Icarus towards Akuma and STRIKES Akuma, as Icarus looks on and applauds him. If you forgot, Akuma accidentally kicked Iron at “High Noon”. This must have been a form of revenge, plain and simple.
While we were upset at the way the match unfolded, it made perfect sense. No way CHIKARA lets this fade away after ONE match and ONE show. Akuma will get his redemption, one way or another. In fact, Icarus knows about this and has set Akuma up with a “Trial Series” to make sure he’s fit for a CHIKARA ring. We’ll see how that unfolds, but believe me…this isn’t the end.
Double countout at 4:35
Rating: N/A
PROMO: We’re joined now by Tim Donst and Jakob Hammerheir. While Donst says that HE is the leader of the BDK now, Jakob believes that they will be at full strength once Ares returns. This causes Donst to push Jakob down and yell at him. He tells him that he retired Hydra in this building, and he better have him not lose in this same town tonight. TENSION!
3.0. (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews) vs. Brüderschaft des Kreuzes (Tim Donst & Jakob Hammermeier)
The Short Short Version: MORE TENSION!
This match turned out to actually be more about the problems that are going on with Donst and Jakob right now rather than just your ordinary tag match. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like 3.0 phoned it in or anything. They brought their usual wacky Canadian antics along with them (the “DE-FENSE!” chants, the headsicssors spot); they just weren’t the focal point. The main thing here was that Jakob was trying to show Donst that he could roll along with him, and well…that went as great as expected, except it wasn’t great at all. Sure, he got some cheap tactics out of it, but in the end, they were all for naught, as Jakob’s tactics were weak and underhanded and in the end, just weren’t all that great.
Donst on the other hand showed a vicious and aggressive side, one that with a better partner, could’ve given the BDK the victory. Not saying that Jakob is a bad partner, he’s just the monkey in the middle at this point, and it cost them the victory as 3.0 hit the Sweet Taste of Professionalism for the win and their second point.
Meanwhile, after the match, Donst completely tears into Jakob for, what else, being a loser. How long will this continue on for? And will Ares come back to teach Donst a lesson? Or Jakob even? We’ll see.
Winners: 3.0 at 9:08
Rating: **1/2
Hallowicked vs. Archibald Peck (w/ Veronica)
The Short Short Version: Where is Jughead when you need him?
Thoughts: Speaking of tension in the CHIKARA world, here’s another bit of it, as Veronica is more than upset right now at the current losing streak of Archie’s at the moment, and has went so far as to not accept Archie’s hand for their usual smug posing.
The match was rather decent, with Peck holding his own with the man from Sleepy Hollow, even if Peck was scared half to death of him. Case and point, one of the golden rules in wrestling is to never try and scare off Hallowicked, because it just doesn’t work. But while Peck was holding his own, he would look at Veronica for any moral support, only for Hallow to counter and go on the offensive to his own, upsetting Veronica even more. But like I said, it was great to see both men focused on targeting each other and picking apart certain parts of the body. Trust me; Archie has come far in the year he’s been in the company.
Not far enough however, as after Peck counters ‘Wicked’s patented Graveyard Smash and hits the H Thunder, he goes for the victory roll…only to have ‘Wicked counter it into a sitdown for the pin and the victory out of nowhere. A great win for Hallowicked, going into him and UltraMantis Black’s Campeones de Parejas match this month in February.
It was a bad loss however for Archie, as Veronica turned to a complete mess and stormed to the back, leaving Archie in the ring, all by himself. A sad sight really, but as I said a million times before, one has to think if Veronica is going to go from “band geek” to “cheerleader” in due time?
Winner: Hallowicked at 12:02
Rating: ***1/4
PROMO:
After Ophidian’s turn of events at High Noon, which began Ophidian’s path to redemption, and that he took it upon himself to make things right, not only for him, but for Osiris. Osiris also removed Ophidian’s soul, which explains why the slithery snake not only is holding both HIS and Amasis’s masks, but has a completely new look in general. Tonight though, he takes Hieracon’s soul as well. Dark and brooding…I LIKE IT!
Apologies for the different image, as the site where I got the match images from didn't have one for this match.
Hieracon vs. Ophidian
The Short Short Version: The death of a falcon.
Thoughts: Also need to mention that Ophidian has new music. Also dark and brooding. It has the Egyptian flair to it, but it also has a swagger to it. Imagine Homicide having an Egyptian gimmick, and he’d have this music.
So…yeah, this match. This match has its positives, but it also had a LOT of negatives going along with it. I’ll start off with the bad stuff first on this. The length of this match pretty much killed the crowd. The crowd was terrible anyways (I’ll get to that later) but perhaps at a different venue with a different crowd, the length could’ve been a positive. There was some blood to this feud, it makes sense that it goes a decent time, but not when the story has an ending as clear as day. We all knew Ophidian was going to win, and possibly unmask Hieracon, but we didn’t know it was going to take 20 minutes to do so. Yep, this match lasted just a few seconds under 20 minutes. Any other match, that’s fine, but when you’re trying to build a new gimmick, we expected a 7-8 minute affair, Ophidian kills Hieracon, BOOM! Simple as that. Turns out, that wasn’t to be. Just go, make your point, and leave.
That segues into a positive though, as CHIKARA, known to finish any and all storylines they can, decided to bring in Jonathan Gresham for one last go, and I won’t lie…Hieracon brought it in his last CHIKARA match (for the time being). While it was long, the fact that they went out of their way to try and end one another, which is what all good blood feuds try to do correctly. Did it work? Ehhh, not so much. But at least they ended things off on a good note. Ophidian won with his new Cobra Clutch Death Grip and unmasked Hieracon right then and there. Just as we all thought he would. Now the sky is the limit for the slithery snake to wreak havoc on whoever wrongs him.
Winner: Ophidian at 19:57
Rating: **1/2
SEGMENT: It is now time for what we all came to see. The *bangs ring apron* MMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN EVE–*record scratch* because out of nowhere, Vin Gerard slides into the ring and completely manhandles Gavin. Vin has seen a lot of problems with the way CHIKARA has run lately, to the point where he has been removed from the roster completely. Well, there WAS an invasion tonight after all. As the ring flocks with students, out comes CHIKARA Grand Champion, Eddie Kingston to save the day, as he was out doing commentary for the previous match. Both men have to be detained, and as Vin is escorted out, he punches one of the students as Eddie gives chase to him out of the building.
But Eddie comes back and yells at the CHIKARA Director of FUN, Wink Vavasseur to get in the ring. Eddie wants Vin reinstated right this second so he can get another match. Wink is not willing to cooperate though, and that’s when Eddie really gets into Wink’s face and asks him again. Jigsaw however is here to save the day and calm Kingston down, and bring him to the back.
This was easily the best part of the show and of the night, as the segment really had a feeling of reality to the mix of things and the cartoonish antics that CHIKARA usually puts on. And you want to know the good news. As this article is going to post, it has been signed. February 26th, Eddie Kingston will make his first defense of the CHIKARA Grand Championship against Vin Gerard in Long Island.
Okay, NOW it is time for the *bangs ring apron* MMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN EVENT OF THE EVENING! Not gonna lie, banging the ring apron like that was an awesome feeling. Not to mention, a complete first for me. That I got to do it twice was even cooler.
The Colony (Fire Ant & Soldier Ant) vs. The Batiri (Obariyon & Kodama)
The Short Short Version: At least it was for a box of sugar.
Thoughts: Yep, you read that correctly. It was for a box of sugar. A fan held it up to Bryce and he was willing to take it and put it on the line. One of those moments where you just put your head down, laugh, and say “Only in CHIKARA” does this happen. That was probably the highlight of the match though, sadly.
I’m not harping on it by any means; it was just an average match by standards. And when it’s only “average” with these four guys, it’s rather disappointing. You’ve seen one tag match in WWE; you’ve seen them all by definition. Tecnicos start off strong, rudos get the upper hand, long stretch of rudo attacks, tecnicos get the hot tag (literally in this case for Fire Ant, lol) and end stretch where the tecnicos win. Simple as, simple does.
There was a small story in this however, as part of the crowd was the focal point for this, mostly the Batiri jaw-jacking with a small kid wearing a Superman t-shirt. Even to the point where the crowd wanted the kid to get in the ring. Of course, this caused the Colony to get their strength back and fight back. After a dangerous suicide dive from Soldier Ant to Kodama that we thought was rather serious, Fire Ant dusts off the Beach Break for the victory, and the box of sugar. In the end, they bring the kid who I mentioned about in the ring to celebrate, along with the sugar.
Like I said, average tag match barred down by disappointment because of the four men involved. It should’ve been 10x better than that. But that’s just me.
Winner: The Colony at 16:31
Rating: **3/4
Recommendation: As far as the live experience went, for the small amount of shows I went to, this was easily the worst. I’m usually not expecting a ***** everywhere I go, but there was just something off here. The show started well with the Quack/Green Ant match, but things just kind of spiraled down from there and didn’t pick back up (with the exception of the Vin Gerard segment). Also wasn’t helping was the crowd. It was technically a bad crowd, and one that tried to get themselves over more instead of the guys in the ring. Chanting for a guy who wasn’t even there is a bad sign, really.
The show was slightly better on DVD, but that’s not saying much. But if you want to check it out, then why am I stopping you. On the bright side, you can only pay $10 if you want to test out Smart Mark’s digital download service, but honestly, there are FAR better shows out there to test out the digital download market for Smart Mark. Sadly, this is a pass for me. And I hate to say that.
But one bad show won’t spoil the bunch. Tune in next time when I’ll go over the February weekend shows, including the first defense of the Grand Championship.
Deuces.
(Images courtesy of ProWrestlingPonderings.com, CHIKARAPro.com for the Hieracon/Ophidian match graphic, and SmartMarkVideo.com for the DVD cover)