Ahoy-hoy CHIKARMY, it’s Friskey again with your carnal knowledge of all things CHIKARA Pro Wrestling. After a shocking set of events that happened at Ring of Honor’s return to Philadelphia, PA a week ago (January 20th) that is setting up a huge ROH Tag Title match between The Briscoes versus Jigsaw and Hallowicked in April; CHIKARA is gearing up for their Season 11 premiere this Saturday, January 28th 2012 at the Palmer Center in Easton, PA (a.k.a. The Easton Fun-Plex). I will actually be first-hand at the show live (my first trip to Easton; after the whole Arena situation, there was no other choice) and right now, here is the run-down for…

(For those not in the clear, CHIKARA is taking their show titles from old 1960’s Batman episodes. Never said that they weren’t clever, that’s for sure)

 

Student vs. Teacher: Round III

Reason: No real reason here, it’s just your standard “Student vs. Teacher” match.

Thoughts: For the past couple of years now, Mike Quackenbush has tried to teach the ropes to the aptly named Green Ant. In the ring AND out the ring. In the ring however, both men have already had two matches against one another. One at “We Must Eat Michigan’s Brain” in Detroit in June 2010 (you know, the show where Bryan Danielson made his independent return for a short time) and the other at “Clutch of Doom” in Easton in February 2011. And both times, Quack has gotten the better of him, both by using leg-trapped submission moves.

Here’s the kicker…Green Ant has definitely improved over those two matches, of course taking part with the Colony during their King of Trios victory last year, and being involved in a blood feud with the monster, Tursas. Both have made Green Ant into a fellow competitor, but there’s still one hurdle to get through, and that’s one of the top guys in Quackenbush.

The kicker here is how much of Quack’s head is still in the game? After being defeated by Eddie Kingston in November for the Grand Championship, you have to wonder if that’s what Quack is thinking about? Or maybe not, who knows. Here’s the thing though…third time will definitely be the charm for Green Ant. As far as this being on the top of the card, which pretty much makes it the main event? Hmm…I highly doubt that we’ll be ending things off here, as I’ll talk about at the end of the column.

Winner: Green Ant

 

New Formation vs. Old Foes

Reason: Points are in play, as 3.0 try to take on the team of Jakob Hammerheir and Tim Donst. Obviously, there’s some history here.

Thoughts: As far as you know, the BDK are dead in the water. Sara Del Rey and Daizee Haze left in a fit of rage after not being treated as fellow wrestlers. Tursas is probably back in his home country destroying villagers, we have NO clue on the whereabouts of Ares, and Claudio Castagnoli went through an severe identity crisis, I mean…Antonio? Who changes their name to “Antonio”? Anyways, all we’re left on is the self-proclaimed “Greatest Young Lions Cup Champion Ever” in Tim Donst, and former BDK announcer, Jakob Hammerheir to fend out on their own. And their first test in trying to get a shot at those Campeonatos de Parejas is the team of Scott “Jagged” Parker and Shane “Big Magic” Matthews (or “Red Bull” if you please).

3.0 have a little history with these two, as part of their chance at “The Promised Land” during the summer of 2010. It all culminated during a Campeonatos de Parejas match against Claudio and Ares in Baltimore at “Eye to Eye”. Obviously, 3.0 didn’t get to open said door to the Promised Land, but they got a taste of what it could’ve been, and now there’s chance to get back there. What better way than to get your first point by beating two men who pretty much cost you your chance?

I’m not expecting a mat classic, and neither should you. What you should expect is a lot of hijinks and shenanigans, as each team are kind of in the known of those types of things. As far as a winner is concerned, it’s most likely better if they’re going to push this new found team of Jakob and Donst. Obviously they have plans for them and possibly Tursas in the future. Do I smell a team in the 2012 King of Trios? (If they have one this year?)

Winner: Jakob and Tim Donst

 

The Portal Explodes

Reason: There’s PLENTY reason here. One is…oh, I don’t know, Ophidian turning on Amasis at High Noon?

Thoughts: Yeah, this one should be nasty. Ophidian has officially found a way to get out of his losing streak and his current funk…by getting rid of the funk. At High Noon, during a potential retirement speech by one-half of The Osirian Portal in Amasis; Ophidian came out and was wondering if this was the end of the Portal? I mean, they still had Hieracon at their side, but it still wasn’t the same. But during one final dance-off for the fans, Ophidian opened his mask and spat venom into the eyes of Amasis, and then stealing his mask for the world to see. It was pretty heavy stuff. “Problem solved!” quoted Ophidian. And now, Hieracon is looking to stop him on his current train of destruction.

This match looks to be easy on paper. After a really bad losing streak on his tails, Ophidian has finally cured his troubles by taking care of Amasis. Yeah, if Ophidian lost here, something is definitely up. So it’s simple as…Ophidian kills the falcon known as Hieracon once and for all. What are both men futures consisting of? Who really knows, but this is the beginning of the new Ophidian. To quote him on his blog…

“It is only I’ve lost everything, that I am free to do anything.”

Winner: Ophidian

 

No Vengeance, Only Punishment

Reason: Once again, there’s PLENTY reason here. In July of 2010, Akuma was kicked out of F.I.S.T. and replaced by Johnny Gargano. Now, he’s taking revenge…one member at a time.

Thoughts: Gran Akuma made his CHIKARA return at this past year’s Cibernetico after a long hiatus by the hands of Chuck Taylor, Icarus, and Johnny Gargano, and after a scuffle then and at High Noon, Akuma is finally targeting his prey. The first target; The Worst in the World, Icarus. Simple as that, really. Nothing more needs to be said, really.

I expect this match to be full of Icarus running scared for his life, Icarus getting the living tar kicked out of him, and Icarus crying like a little baby. And it’s going to be some form of glorious. I wish I could say that Icarus is walking out of here with a sneak win, but I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. Akuma’s back, and may god help us, he’s back with a mission.

Winner: Gran Akuma

 

 Tag Team Warfare

Reason: Another tag team match with points in play.

Thoughts: Your second tag team match where the winning team starts off their Campeonatos de Parejas hunt with one point. Only this time, it’s between two teams who have some long-standing history as well. The Colony and The Batiri have been rivals for the past year now, it seems, but with no leader to walk them by (or is there? Insert dramatic music here!), what is of The Batiri now.

As for The Colony, they’ve recently lost a shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas against F.I.S.T. during Night 1 of CHIKARA’s postseason effort, Joshimania. Now, they’re looking to start off fresh and new. Simple as, really.

This could be the potential match of the night if all four men are ready and rearing to go out there. And it should be a fun contest. As for the winner is concerned…it’s a toss-up really. Both teams have their weakness and strengths matched up evenly. So I’m going to flip a coin for this one.

Winner: The Colony

 

One on One

Reason: Your standard one-on-one tecnico vs. rudo matches.

Thoughts: I’m bunching these two matches together, because I think that something’s potentially going to go down. I’m not going to lie. On paper, this just sounds like your typical tecnico vs. rudo contests with no meaning whatsoever, but the bigger picture has me thinking that this match may not have a prior outcome. In the beginning of the column, I mentioned about how CHIKARA and Ring of Honor were doing a doubleheader. What I forgot to mention was about how Ultramantis Black called out The Briscoes and ROH in general. Some people think it’s an “invasion” angle, others think it’s just to plug the upcoming double-header. Either way, what makes you think that somebody from ROH, let alone The Briscoes may try and spoil the party of CHIKARA’s season debut. Perhaps you can think the same for both of these. Maybe this means that the Hallowicked vs. Archibald Peck match may be postponed for this situation, therefore having Archie in the corner of Mr. Touchdown (more on that below)

Or not, I’m not a mind reader. I wish I was.

Winner: No Contests

 

The Arrival of Mr. Touchdown

Mr. Touchdown has been making his rounds over the past couple of months, first starting with his hype video during the iPPV stream, and continuing on with his debut at the “Wrestling is Fun” promotion later on in December (Wrestling is Fun looks to be a “minor league” promotion of CHIKARA if you will, nothing more has really been said; they’ve only had one show so far), but now, he makes his CHIKARA debut. One thought that with his jersey that he was a part of The Throwbacks with Sugar Dunkerton and Dasher Hatfield, but it looks like he’s part of the March Madness stable with Archibald Peck and Veronica.

Who knows who Mr. Touchdown will go up against, but it should be fun. And is there anybody else hoping that if he is part of March Madness, that it causes Veronica to become more attracted to him, therefore turning Archibald into a tecnico by default (since he is OVER with the crowd) and rile up a “Jocks vs. Nerds” feud? I hope so, and it would be awesome if it happened.

So that’s it for The Thirteenth Hat. It should be a great show. With all those matches and more, but there is something that I forgot to mention upon. Remember when I said that Green Ant vs. Mike Quackenbush will NOT be the main event of the show? Well, looks like I may be right, as we’ll also get an appearance by the NEW CHIKARA Grand Champion, Eddie Kingston. And right now, Kingston is in bit of a pickle, thanks to one dirty Vin Gerard, who is under this mission to destroy CHIKARA from within. Even going so far as taunting Kingston and the things he loves dear via YouTube. Kingston posted on Twitter (he has a Twitter now, @ChikaraKingston) that he will be at Easton, and he hopes Vin shows up. Whether or not we see an impromptu match or perhaps a main event segment that will lead to bigger things is unsure, but…it should be explosive.

If you’re in the area, I highly recommend checking the show out, just like ALL CHIKARA shows, as they offer up the best entertainment that money can buy, and offer up a family-friendly and family-loving experience like no other.

Ain’t no doubt about it, baby!

(Images courtesy of CHIKARAPro.com)

 *Our Guest Columnist this month is indie pro-wrestling aficionado Kevin Friskey with his predictions for this Sunday’s High Noon iPPV from Chikara Pro.