What’s up F.A.N. fans!! I apologize for not having a review up in so long, but that doesn’t matter now because I return and I am here to bring you the Post-Hardcore Metal! This week we take a look at “I’m Not a Vampire” by Post-Hardcore band Falling in Reverse
This is what happens when the school nerd becomes prom queen
Falling in Reverse is a new Post-Hardcore (which apparently is the genre that was formed after the apocalyptic death of Hardcore music) band formed by Ronnie Radke, former lead singer of Post-Hardcore band Escape the Fate. If you don’t know anything about Ronnie Radke, today I’m happy to bring you a thorough, detail packed, conclusive report that he most certainly is not a vampire. I know it was the topic that you’ve been thinking about for seconds, possibly minutes, so put your mind at ease folks!
The video starts as a parody of famous celebrity rehab shows like…..Celebrity Rehab, in which washed up stars go to hog more camera time and pretend to get clean, in most cases anyway. The fun cast of characters on this season’s ‘Reality Rehab’ are Eiffel Marriot the socialite, Barry Cherry the gossip columnist, Tommy Roxx of Prisoners of Rock, and Destiny Starr the Supermodel.
*Insert your very own Ringo Starr joke here for just $10.95!!*
Because every credible Rehabilitation center has a band jam room, we see Falling in Reverse start to play while Ronnie Radke sings to the cameras and checks himself in to rehab
From left to right, confusion, smugness, and fear
After an awfully lengthy and time-consuming (yes, lengthy and time consuming ;)) check in process, Radke decides that it’s time for a good spirited sing along session! This of course being a time-honored rehabilitation center tradition, everybody can’t help but join in on the fun of not being a vampire.
"I don't know what they're singing about, but it's sure got a snazzy beat!"
We move past the chorus into the part of Rehab that always comes after the sing-along, and that’s giving the nurses samples. As we see Ronnie sing to himself, further proof that perhaps he should be in a mental institution rather than Rehab, he hands the nurse a green cup of…………..something before moving along to the introduction circle. It’s here that we get to see more Reality Rehab patients and learn more about them, such as YouTube star Jeffree Star.
Or David Bowie circa 1973, whichever one works for you
Radke introduces himself to the group as an addict who never should have been raised on Black Sabbath, which I understand is a very important part of the healing process. After confessing this to the group it’s time to move onto the guitar solo, in which we cut to Jacky Vincent outside of the center to tear it up on his guitar.
Kind of weird that he’d choose to solo outside when all of his gear is inside, but this is Reality Rehab and there are rules and regulations damn it! Absolutely no soloing inside, no ifs, ands, or buts young man!
...........You son of a bitch
If you have any knowledge of how the rehab process works, you already know that after a healthy sing along and an ear-orgasming guitar solo comes the exercise portion of the day. We see all the patients stretching out on their mats in a fairly civilized manner, that of which bugs Ronnie as he begins to sing to himself again.
Pictured: The moment everybody realized a padded room might be better for Mr. Radke
You could say that Ronnie’s persistence is admirable, and it’s not before long that the entire staff and the other patients finally break down and join him in singing his song. After all, part of the healing process is gaining acceptance among your peers, and the only way to do that is pillow fights and rock and roll music!
Party of the century BITCH!
As the song ends and everybody realizes they still have drug problems that need fixing eventually, we see small interview segments with some of the members, including J. Moorhees and Bunny White
................Nope, not ringing a bell
And after that the video finally wraps up, as we’re left to wonder if Mr. Radke really did prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn’t a vampire. We did see that he has a remarkable ability to sing to himself, but does that prove that you’re not a vampire? I guess time will tell Mr. Radke, time will most certainly tell….
Overall
Video: The video really is what it is, it’s funny, full of puns, just an overall good time. Maybe not an overall experience on how rehab really is, but would your really watch that video anyway?
Song: I recently got into these guys, and I really like the song. For a genre I normally detest, I find Radke’s voice unique and definitely interesting. The song has a nice driving beat to it, and the chorus is catchy enough that even if you don’t necessarily love it, you could find yourself humming it afterwards.
So overall, I’d have to give the song and video a solid 9/10. I really can’t call it perfect, but it’s close enough :)