Welcome, humans. In this article we’re gonna address a problem facing many young school girls in anime. That is when they are walking along to school, and then from around the corner a multilimbed creature comes out to ruin everything. Tentacle monsters sure know how to ruin your day (especially when you just put freshly cleaned undies).
Lucky for these animated ladies there are ways to avoid such an inconvenient situation. So here are five ways they can stop a tentacle violation.
5.) Show your calamari skills
To a tentacle monster, showing your interest in calamari is like wearing a leather jacket at a cow tavern (or to your sister’s peta dinner). Instead of using that katana to fight, just buy yourself some cooking knives. If you’re worried that they’ll sneak up on you when you are sleeping, use a bag of flour as one of your pillows. Just the idea of their tentacles dipped in that powder and put in the fryer is as mentally painful to them as repressed memories about your uncle and his sound proof van.
4.) Disguise yourself
Military genius Sun Tzu once said ”All war is deception”. And most tentacle monsters can be quoted as saying”I’m not touching your wang.” So it only makes sense to combine these words of wisdom and disguise yourself as a dude. Tentacle monsters are extremely homophobic (have you ever seen them diddle a dude?) As far as traps go…yeah, wear tight bulge showing pants.
And of course there are some of you school girls who are really bold (it is japan after all). Disguising yourself as a tentacle monster itself since they never cross tentacles (unless it was at rape monster college).
3.) Fake tentacle sluttiness
By this I mean you lie and say you invited his best friend, brother ,father,(hell, his whole slimy family), and had yourself a good old fashion gang bang. Just like their human counter parts, tentacle monsters like to think they are special and the only ones stuffing you like a thanksgiving turkey. Some doctored photos may also help. He might run back to his buddies and lie by saying he was your first, but again just like the human counterparts; they will laugh at his undefiled, WOW playing, tentacles.
2.) Bad hygiene
Finally being too lazy to shower pays off(don’t think just because we can’t smell you over the TV screen, that we don’t know your secret). After you reach that ripe radius of a mile, he won’t even touch you even with his buddy’s appendages. Make sure to contract explosive diarrhea for good measure. Speaking of diseases…
1.) Say you have an std
Tentacle monsters really hate the idea of having that stinging sensation when they pee(umm, assuming they pee), so tell that creature that you got super herpes. If the monster doesn’t believe you, use creative make up effects to make your privates look like their infested with zombie crabs. There’s nothing a visit to the clinque counter can’t fix.
Breaking out in hives comes to your advantage this time.
So now you school girls know how to repel the unwanted advances of those pesky creatures. And of course for the rest of you, make sure to pass along this information to those that need it (telling them in your fanfics is good enough).