Yeah, you read that right. By now, everyone knows Kim Kardashian, but what about her family? You kind of know them:
Khole- the one who married LA Laker Lamar Odem after they knew each other for a month.
Kourtney– the one that dates the douche bag, Scott Disick. They have a one and a half year old son, Mason.
Kris Jenner– the mom who barges into her daughter’s home whenever she feels like it.
Kendell- half sister of the other three K’s, most recently put on birth control by her mom
Kylie– youngest of the klan, has done nothing of note except being the forgotten one by her mother. Who knew Kylie was on the track team at her school? (Psst: her mom didn’t know!)
and of course,
Bruce– step father to KKK, father to Kylie and Kendell, husband of Kris, and an excellent carpooler. Oh, and he won a gold medal in 1976 when the Olympic’s were in Montreal.
There. That’s how you can keep up with the Kardashian’s. I, on the other hand, will actually watch their show and try to figure out one of the hardest question to answer in current celebrity culture: Why are they famous?
 Made $6,000,000 last year. The Kardashian brand? $65,000,000 |
Now that we had a brief overview about what each member of the family can contribute (except you, Kylie. Work on that), we will now discuss this week’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Because guess what? For those who only follow them loosely, might be surprised to know that the one with the sex tape (you know who it is), is actually super shy! This was made evident after Prince kicked her off his stage this year after she refused to dance with him.
At the beginning of the episode, we see Kim stumble over her words as she isn’t quite sure how to describe her and her sister’s clothing line (Kardashian Kollection), and her sister’s had to save her. How nice of them. Then we fast forward to the Prince concert, where the camera’s just happened to be and watch her get kicked off. While Khloe tries to teach her to dance, they mark up Mother Hen’s kitchen floor, and Kim bails. That enough dancing for her.
Fun Fact: Kim was on Dancing With the Stars in 2008 and was kicked off third.
In the world of Kourtney and Scott, Douche Bag offers to be Kendell and Kylie’s agent, kicking off Kris as their main booker. Why is this laughable? Mostly because Scott Disick is a huge douche bag, and the family seems to hate him more than love him. But him offering to be their agent is just a joke, so apparently this makes it OK. We’ll just have to see how Kris reacts…
Meanwhile, Kim and Kourtney show up on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show (he also produces this television show and basically owns E!), and talk about Kim’s new relationship with New York Nets player, Kris Humphries. Yeah, he spells his name the same as her mom. Weeeeird. He makes Kim smile a lot and they’re so happy together.
Also, they’re getting married on Saturday! But we won’t see the wedding until October, when E! Does a tow night special on the wedding.
Ryan brings up how she was kicked off by Prince, to which Kim said, “didn’t he watch Dancing With the Stars?” LOL, probably not. And he won’t watch it when Robert Kardashian shows up on it this upcoming season. Kim cried after every dance because she just wanted to be kicked off the show, and found the whole thing embarrassing.
Embarrassing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjf8ww8iWng
Not embarrassing.
Ryan’s advice to Kim? “You should’ve slammed your hips against his and felt the Purple Rain!”
Uh, who names their penis “Purple Rain”?
Back at the House, Bruce made dinner and Mama Kris criticizes him for it. After Kris has a glass of wine, Kylie brings up the idea of having Scott as their manager, because Kris is too caught up with Kim’s career to manage her daughter. Including the one that doesn’t do anything, but she is only 14. They take a vote, and Kylie, Kendell, and Bruce all vote for Scott to be the youngest daughter’s manager. Kris calls him all pissed off and declares war. “You don’t mess with my family, and you definitely don’t mess with my business.”
Who remember’s that Scott proposed this idea as a joke?
Kris once again barges into Scott and Kourtney’s home, where Scott is busy tanning in a polo shirt and shorts. They yell over each other and the whole thing is kind of dumb and clearly for the cameras, and then Scott tells Kris it was a joke!
“The only joke here is you thinking you could be their manager.” ~Kris Jenner.
Funny. Ha. Ha.
Kim decides to get over her fear of dancing, and takes a secret dance class. A jazz\funk dance class, that will teach simple moves. Kim doesn’t catch onto any of the dance moves and puts less energy into trying than I am typing up this recap. When they partner up and do the dance in front of the class, Kim insists that she doesn’t remember the dance, and admits it was more fun to be kicked off the stage by Prince, than to take this “humiliating” dance class… that she took in secret and no one forced her to do. How does she solve this problem?
By meeting with Mayte (ma-tay), Prince’s ex wife! Mayte listens as Kim confesses she doesn’t like being in the public eye, and doesn’t even dance in her own bedroom. Kim thinks her shyness is holding her back from having fun.
Back at Kourtney and Scott’s house, they discuss Scott’s little joke, and how he was surprised that a joke about him taking over her youngest daughter’s careers was taken so personally. Huh. Who knew? Kourtney thinks he should call her and they can discuss it over the phone, but Scott has a better idea!
Douche Bag drives over to Kris’s house so they can discuss the recent joke, and Scott says that the whole thing has gone out of hand.
No.
Way.
Kris didn’t think it was funny, Scott wanted to get under her skin, Kris is just trying to get him to be the best he can be, blah blah blah, OMG they made up!
No he must leave so Kris can order dinner and their private chefs can cook for them.
At an Armenian restaurant, dancers come out and encourage anyone that is Armenian to dance with them. What a coincidence: Kim is Armenian! So is everyone else in her family, but Kim is Armenian! And wouldn’t you know it, she actually has fun shaking her money maker (literally) and even gets on stage by herself and dances. She is no longer camera shy! Problem solved!
End episode.
So, there you have it. Kim Kardashian is officially over her shyness, and Scott will not take over Kylie and Kendell’s careers. All squeezed into a half hour of programming. Oh, the miracle of television.
Any shows that you don’t want to watch, and I’ll watch for you? Let me know!
~Trista
@fivetwentyone