Continued from Part 1:
Smackdown Tag Team Championship: The Usos © vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers
After it saved Kofi from being eliminated at the Rumble, New Day continue their pancake power campaign with a bunch of costumed dancers on their way to the ring. The Bludgeons works over the New Day on the outside, giving Woods a nasty bucklebomb to the posts before splashing Big E back in the ring.
Jimmy Uso nails Harper with superkicks, and the Usos double team Luke in the corner, followed by a big splash for two. The Usos try a double suicide dive, but Rowan blocks it before the two just double suplex him on the floor. Harper gets a black hole slam, but the Usos superkick him and try to double superplex him, but Rowan knocks them off.
Kofi dropkicks Rowan out, but he just powerbombs him and Harper hits a top rope sitout powerbomb for a decisive win and the Smackdown tag team titles!
This was a little too rushed for my tastes, but it was a cool tag match with good action that didn’t feel like a “popcorn break”. Rowan and Harper are a talented team with an interesting and colorful gimmick, so I’m cool with them going over. They should make a good foil for the New Day- as fun as their long rivalry with the Usos has been, it’s good to give them fresh opponents.
John Cena calls out the Undertaker
Cena initially looks disappointed as the Undertaker doesn’t immediately show, but finally, the lights go out. There’s a guitar strum, and Elias appears to a groan from the crowd. He does into his usual song routine, shooing a frustrated John out the ring before he sings about how great he is. Cena can take no more and goes into his finishing sequence and AA’s him out. He half-heartedly poses on the apron, then walks up the aisle- but then the lights go out again.
Undertaker’s hat and coat lie in the ring, then a lightning bolt causes them to vanish. The familiar gongs ring, and it’s not the American Badass Undertaker as rumored…but the classic incarnation!
John Cena vs. The Undertaker
The sixteen-time world champion is shaking in his jorts as the Deadman stares him down, then the Last Outlaw lays into him with fists in a jumping clothesline. Taker works the shoulder and goes for Old School quickly. Corner lariats, snake eyes and a big boot/legdrop combo. Chokeslam is blocked with a sitout powerbomb, but Taker sits up against the Five Knuckle Shuffle and chokeslams Cena. A tombstone finishes Cena…unexpectedly quickly!
I felt this was a generally entertaining sequence that gave the crowd the Deadman cameo they wanted. But I am a bit let down that Cena and Undertaker didn’t get a chance to have a long, barnburner of a match. I have a suspicion that Elias may have been added to this program in order to take some of the strain off Taker. Still, it got the job done- it was technically a match on paper, but it was really more a statement of purpose to reestablish Taker’s mystique.
The Battle for Kevin and Sami’s jobs on Smackdown: Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan vs. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens
Damn, the pop that Bryan receives upon returning from a two-year retirement is NUTS. Owens and Zayn jump Bryan and Shane right away, immediately powerbombing Bryan on the ring apron yet again before the match begins. Sami has developed into a fine hateable heel since he turned. He’s been such an effective lovable babyface for so long it was hard for me to imagine him as anything else, but he’s proved me wrong.
Shane explodes on his two opponents and DDTs Zayn, but Owens works over Shane’s injured ribs as Bryan is treated by doctors outside. Zayn pounds him away and attempts multiple covers, and the two heels beat on Shane. “Great return Daniel, good job!” Kevin’s such a great sarcastic bastard.
Zayn hits an exploder suplex on Shane for two, then the man who is allegedly rumored to possibly be El Generico (it’s only a rumor, keep in mind) works over the billionaire’s son. A blue thunder bomb gets two. Helluva Kick misses, and Shane climbs to the top rope while Zayn is in the tree of woe positionHe nails coast to coast, but his ribs take a nasry bump in the process. Kevin breaks up a pin attempt andgives Shane a frog splash for two before Bryan breaks up the pin for a BIG pop. A cannonball from Owens misses, but Sami prevents Shane from making the tag.
Shane reaches and reaches with Zayn on his back before getting him off with a backdrop suplex. He finally tags in Bryan, and he’s a house of fire all over Zayn. Baseball slide to Owens and a knee from the apron, followed by a missile dropkick to Zayn. A snap german suplex for Owens, and corner dropkicks to both guys. He follows up with a top rope frankensteiner on Zayn, but Owens distracts and Zayn gets a Helluva Kick for two. Owens tag in and superkicks Zayn, and pop-up powerbombs Bryan for a very close near fall.
Shane dumps out Owens and dives on him, leaving Zayn alone with Bryan. He berates Bryan for firing him as he slugs away, but Bryan fires back with stiff shots and slaps, followed by the return of the YES kicks. He fires up the crowd, hits the YES Knee, followed by the YES lock for the win.
This was a great win for Bryan in his comeback, and the crowd was behind the American Dragon all the way. I’m not sure if I would have had him sell so long to open the match, as the crowd was already chomping at the bit for him to re-enter the ring, but Bryan is a master at these underdog-style stories. WWE loves to milk the drama with him as much as possible.
Raw Women’s Championship: Alexa Bliss © vs. Nia Jax
Mickie James is no factor in this match, as Jax beats her into a puddle of goo on the outside, including a samoan drop. Bliss opens with a forearm as the bell rings, and a double scream between the two gets a laugh out of me. Nia military presses Bliss and drags her back in the ring before she can escape with her title. Bliss goes for the eyes and tries to work Nia over. Nia misses a boot in the corner and Bliss drops her knees across Nia’s leg. A dropkick to the face, then Alexa works Nia’s leg over. She tries a guillotine, but Jax vertical suplexes out of it.
Nia misses a spear into the corner and falls to the outside, then Bliss hits Twisted Bliss from the top rope to Jax. She dropkicks Jax face first into the turnbuckle and smiles evilly at Nia- before she spike DDTs her for a close two count. “I made you!” she screams at Nia as she slaps away, but Nia gets pissed, slams Bliss down and clothes her. Splash to the corner, beal and clothesline, but Bliss catches Nia with a stiff right. A hurricanrana is blocked, as is her sunset flip attempt, and Jax slams Alexa’s head into the buckle. OUCH.
Bliss goes back to the eye to block the samoan drop, but the DDT is blocked. Nia hits a sick Alabama slam, followed by a second rope samoan drop to win the Raw Women’s Championship! Jax is understandably emotional.
The whole “mean girl” aspect of this angle felt a bit dated, as WWE seems to be fixated on writing catty heels But Bliss is gradually improving as an all-around talent, and Jax has been an empathetic face in this angle. This was a pretty entertaining match with a sensible booking decision.
WWE Championship: AJ Styles © vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Styles and Nakamura spend some time sizing each other up before grappling, then the champ slaps Nak hard before eating a kick for two. Knees in the corner, but AJ hits a knee of his own. A snap suplex gets two, and Shinsuke fires back with forearms before eating a backbreaker and kicks to his back, then a knee drop for two. AJ works over Shinsuke on the mat, but Nak fights back up before eating an Okada-style dropkick from AJ. Nakamura then kicks his leg out from under him to catch a break.
Nakamura gets a kick from the middle rope, then unloads with a combo flurry. A knee in the corner, then he gets the running knees to AJ’s ribs for two. A front suplex, then Styles answers with a facebuster. AJ hits a seated forearm for two, then a pumphandle gutbuster for two. Nak blocks the Styles Clash, and he blocks the Phenomenal Forearm with a landslide slam for two.
He takes AJ to the top, but Styles breaks free and goes back to Nakamura’s leg. He locks in the Calf Crusher,and rolls Nakamura back in the middle of the ring. Nak counters with a triangle choke, but Styles counters with his own Landslide- right on Shinsuke’s HEAD.
AJ’s back is in too much pain for a Styles Clash, but Nakamura misses another knee attempt, and AJ gets a P1 Forearm for a close two-count. He goes for a springboard 450, but Shinsuke counters with his knees into a pin attempt for a two-count!
The two trade headbutts and stiff shots, and we’re going strong style at WrestleMania! Both guys are getting lit up bad. AJ hits the Pele, but Nakamura gets a knee out of nowhere for two. Nakamura lays in some brutal knees to Styles’ back, and he hits the reverse exploder. He goes for the Kinshasa, but AJ reverses it into a Styles Clash…for a three count! Both Rumble winners have now come up empty tonight, and I can safely say both of the successful title defenses were upsets.
AJ and Shinsuke then hug and show respect…and then Nakamura turns heel, I shit you not, low blowing AJ and stomping him out of the ring! Holy crap. Shinsuke then follows up with a Kinshasa while AJ is reeling on the outside.
I gotta say, heel Nakamura is going to be…interesting, to say the least. My hope is that WWE lets him just be himself and doesn’t try to overwrite the angle with him and AJ. Their Wrestle Kingdom 10 match was a classic, and this didn’t quite match those lofty heights, but I still thought this was a thrilling match.
Raw Tag Team Championship: The Bar © vs. Braun Strowman and A Mystery Partner
The Mardi Gras costumed characters running in terror from Braun as he destroys their float is a hoot. The Bar and everyone else in the Superdome is surprised to discover Braun wants someone from the crowd as his tag team partner, and he goes into the crowd to search. Tanahashi is waving his hand, but the Monster Among Men selects…a small boy named Nicholas. Sure, why not?
Braun offers to do all the work as he double teams Sheamus and Cesaro. The Swiss Superman fights back, but he just eats a chokeslam before Sheamus breaks it up. Braun chases down Fella before Cesaro goes to the knee, and the Bar work him over with a double suplex. Sheamus hits a top rope knee drop, and Cesaro hits a double-team senton for two.
Braun fights off the Bar and hits a flying crossbody on both guys in an impressive spot. He launches Sheamus outside, and he tags in a terrified Nicholas. Sanity prevails and Braun tags himself back him to hit a powerslam on Cesaro for the pin. We’ve now seen Asuka lose for the first time, Ronda Rousey beating the crap out of HHH, a heel Shinsuke Nakamura and now a ten-year-old boy is the co-holder of the tag team titles. The wrestling on this show has been great, but damn is this some weird ass booking.
At first I didn’t quite know what to think about this whole thing. But considering that Nicholas and Braun relinquished the titles the next night on Raw, in retrospect this was a cute little WrestleMania moment, and a good showcase for Braun. If WWE plays their cards right with him, he’ll be a long time main eventer and future world champion. And at least they had the foresight to move on from the moment and get back to serious business, unlike WCW who dragged out the“David Arquette, WCW Champion” story for weeks on end.
Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar © vs. Roman Reigns
Roman and Brock get to their usual fast start as the Beast takes the Big Dog into the corner, then hits a german suplex. Reigns responds with two Superman punches to get Brock off, followed by a third from the steps. He clotheslines Brock to the outside. But Lesnar gets two belly-to-bellys on the outside as CM Punk chants break out. (Other chants I heard live included “We Want Nicholas!” and “We Want Beachballs!”)
Brock hits another german back inside the ring, and calls out “Suplex City, bitch!” once again as he did at Wrestlemania 31. Two more belly-to-bellys, and Brock is basically an SNK boss at this point, spamming his most powerful moves to frustrate Roman. A whip to the barricade, but Roman pushes Lesnar into the post, then spears Lesnar over a table into the broadcast area. The boos rain down HARD as Roman closes in with a Superman punch and two spears in a row- for a surprising two. I thought Roman was gonna get an early win there.
Roman sets up another spear, but Brock counters with a jumping knee for two. He nails Reigns with an F-5 for two, then he picks him back up and hits a second F-5 for a close near fall, and Lesnar can’t believe he hasn’t put the former Shield member away yet. A third F-5, and yet another kickout. The Beast is just beyond fed up at this point and he throws Roman outside like a rag doll for a FOURTH F-5 through a table. Back inside, another german and F-5 number five. FIVE Yep, Roman kicks out. Okay, this is getting ridiculous.
I swear I’m hearing a “this is awful” chant as Lesnar’s now busted Roman open hardway. Reigns shoves him off, and two desperate spears get two. Roman is covered in blood now, and he’s getting hot. Roman charges, but Brock then hits a SIXTH f-5…to retain the championship. God damn, that’s ANOTHER successful title defense I felt was another upset.
To tell the truth, I feel sorry for Roman and his booking situation. I know that sounds weird to say given how hard he’s been pushed, but WWE trying to pigeon-hole him as a scrappy underdog who will never quit doesn’t suit him. He’s a big, imposing badass, so ideally he needs to be presented as more of a killer. That attitude was what made him so popular in the first place as part of the Shield. And I’m not totally sure what sparked the massive blow-up between Vince McMahon and Lesnar backstage. Since Brock re-signed, hopefully, all of the hard feelings have been settled by now.
Reigns’ trajectory reminds me a little of Tetsuya Naito’s, another wrestler who was once an unpopular babyface. The difference is that Naito underwent a heel turn and attitude change, spiking his popularity significantly. Both he and Reigns have had brief flirts with their company’s heavyweight titles, but neither of them had a dominant run as the long-standing champion- with Naito facing Okada in a decisive battle and losing, just as Reigns did against Brock. It seems like Gedo and Vince McMahon, who both understand wrestling more than I ever would as a fan, can still both be gunshy in some cases.
So my overall thoughts on WrestleMania 34? While there were a few things that rubbed me the wrong way from a booking standpoint, ultimately I’m happy I watched it. The in-ring quality was very high, and it always felt like a pure wrestling show, with just the right amount of sports entertainment to help it stand out. I have my fingers crossed that Nakamura’s new attitude will take him to new heights, though I could be wrong as a lot of Smackdown booking last year left me cold. And if this show wasn’t the time to finally have Reigns vanquish the Beast, perhaps The Greatest Royal Rumble will be where he finally pulls it off.
My only major complaints are the relatively disappointing main event (especially when compared to the match Brock and Roman put on at Mania 31), and the excessive length of the show- seven hours is just too damn long, even for WrestleMania. But simply on its own as a show, I think there’s more good than bad, and plenty of replay value. Recommended, as strange and flawed as it is.