Sex, Swerves, and Stunners: Survivor Series Part 2~!

Survivor Series Part 2~!~!~!

---

– Backstage with Michael Cole, The Rock is standing by to spit some fire like he was chillin’ in the morning with Sway. Before he can really say anything, HHH walks up and starts getting uppity with The Great One. They start brawling and security rushes in to break it up. Despite the fact that Rock and HHH are basically just hugging each other, it takes them forever to break it up.

Match #6

Not-So-Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

Prince Albert, Mideon, Viscera, & The Big Bossman vs. The Big Show

– For some reason, Albert has a case with him. Must be the “No Money, No Power, and No Respect In the Bank” briefcase. On another note, I’m nothing short of amazed that Mideon is still around. How painfully mediocre can one man be?

– Apparently, Bossman was feuding with Show at this time and even wrote a poem about his dad’s death. “He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon, he’ll be buried and eaten by worms!” What a heel, haha. He also dragged away his father’s casket while Show was on it. Bossman = GOAT

– Originally, Show was supposed to team with Kai-En-Tai and the Blue Meanie but he was like “nah, I’m straight brah” and murked them on Sunday Night Heat. Because of that, Show is on his own.

– Show comes in swinging to start off the match as he eliminates Mideon in like 15 second with a Chokeslam. 10 seconds later, Albert is also eliminated courtesy of a Chokeslam. 15 seconds after that, Big Vis is eliminated by a Body Slam and, you guessed it, a Chokeslam. The crowd is loving this.

– It’s now down to Show and Bossman. Show clearly wants revenge for the disrespect to his family name but it turns out Bossman is bitch-made as he simply bails on the match and lets himself get counted out. Show gives chase as he is announced the winner.

– That was more an angle than an actual match but for what it was, I really liked it. The crowd responded really well to it as well. This gets a thumbs up.

– Although I just praised the last “match”, this show sucks so far. 1/3rd of the matches have went under 2 minutes.

---

 

– After the announcers dick-ride Show a bit, we go to Kevin Kelly who is standing by with Stone Cold. Before Austin can say anything, HHH runs in and attacks Austin like he just stepped on his new Jordans. Austin quickly gets the better of the brawl causing HHH to run away. Austin gives chase and I can already see where this is going.

– After some horribly jumpy editing, we see Austin in the parking lot looking for HHH. Suddenly, Scott Hall catches him with a cattle prod! Hall starts stomping a mudhole in him as Kevin Nash quickly appears in the frame with a lead pipe to do the same. After Austin is beaten and bloodied, Hollywood Hogan appears with a spray can in hand. They rip off Austin’s jacket and shirt before tagging him with the signature “nWo” branding. SHIT JUST GOT REAL, BROTHER!

– …Nah, Austin just got ran over by a car. The announcers freak out but apparently, the cameraman thought it was more important to film Austin being laid instead of actually helping Austin. It’s sold as a huge deal where the entire show is put to a screeching halt because of it. Vince comes running terrified, reacting the same way any promoter would when their top babyface just got ran over by a car.

– Vince is furious at HHH and takes a swing at him, forcing Shane to get involved and stop any potential fight. Vince basically says that he’s gonna have HHH’s ass for this as Austin gets put on a stretcher and in an ambulance. This whole thing was extremely well done.

Match #7

Intercontinental Championship

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna(c)(w/Miss Kitty)

– Miss Kitty is a mini Chyna. Jericho attacks Chyna quickly after she gets in the ring and this one is underway. The match quickly spills to the outside. Chyna gets the better of the brawl but ends smashing her elbow on the barricade while attempting some kind of dookie Elbow drop.

– Jericho chokes Chyna with a camera wire which should be a DQ but Earl Hebner sucks and doesn’t call for the bell. Hebner, you are just the worst.

– Some dicking around ensues as Jericho ends up in the Tree of Woe position and eats a running Dropkick. They do some chain wrestling before Jericho kicks Chyna below the belt. Jericho must have failed Anatomy class in high school as the kick obviously has no effect on Chyna. The Ninth Wonder snaps off a Hurricarana before pummeling Y2J with punches.

– Chyna takes a tumble to the outside as Jericho gains the advantage, outright screaming “come on, bitch!” They brawl near the announce table as Jericho pours water all over the champ. The dastardly Jericho takes the padding off the barricade before throwing Chyna into them. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. And no, of course he wasn’t disqualified for it. EAD Hebner.

– Not gonna lie, I’m bored and checking Facebook. ASAP Rocky thinks certain rappers smoke too much weed. LOL, all I’m gonna say. Back to the match, Jericho is toying with Chyna and getting the heat on her. The crowd likes him despite being a heel…I think.

– After flexing for the Vine for a bit, Y2J sends the champ out of the ring with a Clothesline. Like a babyface, Jericho kisses Miss Kitty to a huge pop before tossing her aside to get to Chyna. Kitty jumps on Jericho in clear view of the ref but still, no DQ. After getting the blonde off him, Jericho gets tackled by a fired up Chyna, who pummels him with punches.

– Back in the ring, Jericho does the JBL “put out cigar” Powerbomb for a nearfall. Looked brutal. A frustrated Y2J tries to go for the kill with a Lionsault but Chyna moves out of the way in time! The champ makes a big comeback, complete with her stupid ass Cartwheel Elbow in the corner. At least it didn’t look horrible this time.

– A DDT gets a two count for Chyna before she starts pummeling Jericho in the corner. Because he’s the worst, Hebner tries to stop this indiscriminate ass whooping but winds up getting poked in the eye by Chyna. The IC title belt is conveniently located behind Y2J and he takes full advantage of it, whacking the champ in the head with her own belt! The challenger goes for the pin but Chyna somehow kicks out!

– Apparently, the spirit of HHH filled Chyna’s body and absolutely refused to put over Jericho because seconds after getting hit with a belt, Chyna no sells the shit out of it and hits a Pedigree. That’s gotta be iNO! Jericho kicks out!

– The crowd is really into this match as Chyna goes for a Hurricarana but Jericho counters it into the Walls of Jericho! The fans are going nuts as Chyna claws and scratches her way to the ropes. Right before she gets there, Jericho drags her back to the center to another big pop! Finally, Chyna makes it to the ropes and forces Jericho to break the hold. It should be noted that while the fans like Jericho, they are into Chyna as well.

– Jericho places the champ on the turnbuckle for a Superplex but suddenly, Miss Kitty hops on the apron to distract the ref. Chyna does the weakest looking low blow you’ll ever see (she lightly touched his sack, if anything) before hitting him with a sloppy ass Pedigree from the top rope. She goes for the cover and gets the win!

– The match started off boring but, by the end, it turned into a pretty enjoyable match. Easily the best thing on the show so far and the best Chyna match I’ve ever seen. It’s a credit to how good Jericho was/is that he was able to drag this kind of match out of Chyna despite her looking lost at times.

---

 

– Backstage, HHH and X-Pac enter the McMahon dressing room. Shane tells them to get the hell out but HHH says that they simply came here to insist that they were not responsible for Austin getting ran over. “I mean, Jesus Shane. That’s hit and run!”- HHH Funny line considering how the storyline ends. Alas, that’s 2000/1, not 1999.

– Just when it seems like the degenerates are truly sincere, HHH can’t help but let his bitch flag fly as he asks if the main event is now just a singles match between him and Rock now that Austin was out. This sets Shane off who yells at them to leave again. D-X obliges but not before HHH spits some game at Steph. I see you, Hunter.

Match #8

Traditional Survivor Series Match

The Holly Cousins & Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty) vs. Edge, Christian and The Hardys (w/ Terri Runnels)

– Too Cool comes out to damn near silence. Interesting to note considering how over they would be the following year. This act does seem really wack without Rikishi to up the cool factor.

– Edge and Scotty 2 Hotty start off the match for their respective teams. JR is talking about how he can’t really focus on the match because his man-crush Austin got murked by a car. Meanwhile, Edge is lighting up Scotty with chops. They dick around for a bit before Edge catches Scotty with a Spinning Heel Kick and sends him running to his corner to tag in Crash.

– Like a goober, Crash immediately eats a Drop Toe Hold before Matt gets tagged in and the faces hit a Double Flapjack on Holly. Lawler expresses his unquenchable thirst as he moans about Terri. Matt hits a Plancha on Scotty before getting KILLED by a Sunset Powerbomb from the apron to the floor by Grandmaster Sexay. I literally screamed when he did that. Time for high spots as Christian does a Plancha of his own to Sexay. After Scotty does a Cannonball, Jeff tries to be like the cool kids but Hardcore yanks on his hair from the apron. Don’t worry, the crowd still gets a high spot as seconds later, Hardcore back body drops Jeff onto the pile of men on the floor.

– Somehow, Christian and Crash are the legal men (I guess this match is under Lucha rules where you just slide out of the ring and that’s a tag). Sexy gets tagged in and starts beating on Christian as Lawler hilariously dick-rides his son. “I don’t know where he learned this move but I used to do it all the time!”

– The cameraman takes a L as Sexy gets nutted on the ring post after Christian counters a Bulldog. Edge and Hardcore get tagged in. They dick around for a bit (in which, Lawler confuses Hardcore with Crash) before Edge murks the Holly goofs with Spears. Sexay, Scotty, and Matt all jump in the ring and brawl. Edge quickly Spears Sexay before trying to complete the Grand Slam on Scotty. Unfortunately, white men can, in fact, jump as Scotty leap frogs over the move and causes Edge to spear Matt!

– While Edge stares in disbelief, Scotty counters a Twist of Fate attempt from Jeff and caused him to bonk into Edge. Hardcore quickly rolls up Edge for like a five count (not sure what happened there) and the face team is now at a disadvantage. Seconds later, Scotty hits a shitty DDT from the top rope (imagine someone doing a Tornado DDT but getting like no rotation) to eliminate Matt. 4-2 in favor of the heels now thanks to the babyfaces being incompetent boobs.

– Jeff is the next man in for his team and he does a fun little chain-wrestling sequence with Scotty before taking the Mr. Perfect flip bump off of Scotty sweeping the legs. Sexay gets tagged in and gets the heat on the last Hardy. That might sound boring but I’m enjoying it. His style isn’t pretty or flashy, he’s just a dastardly heel that will pull hair and take shortcuts.

– Ok, please forgive me if this is hard to follow because a lot of bullshit happens in a short amount of time. First, the Holly cousins are in the ring and they start getting uppity with each other because Crash won’t go back to the apron. While this is going on, in another corner of the ring, Terri is on the apron distracting Sexay. He geeks, acting like he’s never seen a hot chick before, before going to double team on Jeff with his partner Scotty. #Pause. Anyway, Christian low blows Too Cool behind the ref’s back and allows Jeff to hit a…450 Splash on Scotty? Well, alrighty then. Either way, Scotty is outta here. 3-2 Heels.

– JR goes off on Lawler for being an asshole and asking where his sympathy for Austin is while he’s busy marking out for this match. JR is basically like “hey, my buddy just got ran over by a car but I’m still out here being professional so shut the fuck up.” It’s like a running gag in this series but Poetry in Motion once again backfires as Jeff eats a Dropkick while attempting it. Sexay hits a Leg Drop off the top and Jeff is eliminated. It’s up to Christian to get his Lebron James on and carry the team.

– Seconds after Jeff is eliminated, Christian sneaks in and hits a Reverse DDT on Sexay to send him to the showers. 2-1, advantage heels. The Hollys beat on Christian, making frequent tags but they can’t put Christian away.  Eventually, Christian manages to send Hardcore out of the ring before planting Crash with the Unprettier! Three seconds later, the sides are evened up!

– Holly and Christian wrestle for another 20 seconds or so before Hardcore reverses a Victory Roll for the win! Decent match with a few fun spots but there wasn’t much to it, honestly. Very meat and potatoes style match.

---

– A quick update on Stone Cold is given by Shane McMahon as his sister Stephanie does what she does best and be useless in the background with Test. Shane basically says Austin 50 different shades of messed up but that tonight’s main event WILL be a 3-way match…just not with Austin.

Match #9

WWF Tag Team Championship

The New Age Outlaws(c) vs. Mankind and Al Snow

– The Outlaws, the tag team champions at the time, are here so you know what it’s time for.  A RAH-RAH PROMO! It’s actually a modified version this time as the heel Road Dogg says that him and Billy love “to kick that shiz-nit doggy style! …With all your mamas.” Awesome. Lawler is still being an insensitive douche to JR and I love it.

– Loud Foley chants to start off as Mick grabs a mic. He puts over how tough Austin is but says that him and Snow aren’t thinking about that right now. All they are thinking about are the New Age Outlaws asses! …Swear to god, that’s what he said. #Pause #Phrasing

– “Mankind gave Al Snow head last Thursday Night on Smackdown.”-  JR. DAMN IT, PHRASING JR.

– Foley and Gunn start off the match as the degenerate quickly gets the better of the exchange and puts a sleeper on Mankind. JR has finally had enough King’s shit and goes Dr. Phil on his ass and tells him to knock it off. Snow and Road Dogg get tagged in. Some bullshit happens before Snow whacks Dogg in the gut with a chair behind the ref’s back. Exactly like a heel would. Then, Mankind jumps in to illegally double team the guy that just got hit by a chair. LIKE HEELS. The crowd seemingly doesn’t know how to react.

– …Dude, what is going on with the match psychology on this show? Mankind basically starts getting the heat on Road Dogg, complete with teasing a hot tag to Gunn. LIKE. A. HEEL. I know weird stuff like this wasn’t uncommon in this era but this show has been terrible about it. The babyfaces, our heroes, cut the ring in half and work over Dogg, even double teaming him behind the ref’s back.

– Dogg almost makes the tag to Gunn but gets illegally cut off by Mankind. Gunn has had enough at this point and comes in with babyface fire to attack the challengers. Crowd is basically sitting on their hands at this point. They have no idea how to react. The action spills to the outside as all four men brawl all over the place.

– Thankfully for my wrestling OCD, it’s the Outlaws turn to cut the ring in half and get the heat on Snow. Mankind gets tagged back in and wow, this match is just a hot mess. Eventually, Gunn hits the Fame-Asser on Mankind but Foley kicks out when Road Dogg covered him. JR doesn’t even know if Road Dogg is legal, haha.

– Out of nowhere, Mankind low-blows Gunn (right in front of the ref too, I think) and hits him with a Double Arm DDT. Snow runs in and hits the Snow-Plow on Dogg before Mankind slaps the Mandible Claw on Mr. Ass. Road Dogg is back up but he tastes the claw as well. At least he isn’t tasting Foley’s ball sweat from the sock. The Outlaws low-blow Foley to get out of the move but Snow is right there to hit Gunn with Head! I was hoping that would be the end but no, Gunn kicks out.

– Some more dicking around ensues before the Outlaws hit a Spike Piledriver on Foley for the win. Good finish, everything else was ass. Just a bad match. It came off like a clusterfuck with no sense of direction or purpose and then it ended.

---

 

– Time for the main event. The big question is, who is going to replace Austin in the main event? Of course, the crowd loses their shit when Rocky comes out.

– Yeah, if you didn’t already know, the replacement is Big Show. Makes sense considering how strong he was put over earlier in the night.

Match #10

Triple Threat Match
WWF Championship

The Rock vs. HHH(c) vs. The Big Show

– Rock and HHH immediately throw aside their differences and try to double-team Show. The Giant is too powerful, however, and quickly turns the tide as the crowd is behind him. Show teases a Chokeslam on HHH but Rock stops him.

– All three men brawl on the outside. Soon, Show and HHH get back in the riEW, HHH has a wedgie. Anyway, Rock puts himself back in the action and hits the People’s Elbow on Show! HHH quickly broke up the pin attempt though.

– It’s a WWF World title match on PPV in 99’. You know what that means? BRAWLING NEAR THE SOUNDSTAGE!!! Show and HHH fight their way up the ramp before Rock comes in and drops Show with a Clothesline. HHH ends up going through a plastic table as Rocky works over him. Show tries to take over but Rocky takes him out the equation by nailing him with a fire extinguisher. LOL, never mind. Show no-sells it and pops back up to his feet seconds later to attempt a Chokeslam on Rock. A low-blow from HHH puts a stop to that.

– Show brawls with the champ near the announce tables before slamming him on top of the announce table. A desperate Rock hits Show in the head with the ring bell before the two rivals hit a Double Suplex on Show through the Spanish Announce table! BAH GAWD!

– Now that Show has been effectively murked, Rock and HHH brawl in the crowd. So tired of this spot, haha. After some more dicking around (feels like I’ve written that a lot in this review…), the actions goes back into the ring as Rock accidentally clotheslines the ref. Hahaha, fuck you Hebner. Both men tease their finishers before Rock finally connects with the Rock Bottom! When he goes for the cover, however, Rock quickly realizes how real his struggle has become because the ref is still down. Wait, here comes Shane with a ref’s shirt on! I like that it looks like he just sloppily threw it on over his other shirt before running out here. Don’t know if that’s an intentional touch or not but it’s effective. Shane makes the cover but HHH kicks out!

– Rock is angry at Shane and gets uppity with him for a bit before planting HHH with another Rock Bottom. Before Shane can count to three, he’s yanked out of the ring by a recovered Big Show. Tired of people killing his championship boner, Rock goes out to take out Show but ends up getting ass beat and left laid out on the announce table that’s still standing.

– Show and HHH are left in the ring now as the champ takes a big Biel Toss from the 7 footer. Show goes outside to finish off the Rock while HHH grabs his title. Shane takes it away from him but quickly eats a Pedigree for his troubles! Soon, all four men are back in the ring with Show being the only one standing (including Shane). Wait, D-GENERATION X FROM BEHIND! THE OUTLAWS. X-PAC. DX!

– Gunn starts unloading on Show with punches while Dogg and Pac stomp away at the Rock at ringside. All hope seems lost for the babyfaces until Vince marches down the ramp! Realizing that he can no longer settle things like a gentleman and that it’s time to get into some old gangsta shit, Vince goes into the ring and whacks HHH with the belt. Meanwhile, Show disposed of Mr. Ass with a Chokeslam. Show hits another Chokeslam on HHH and Vince counts the cover for the win! New champion!!!

– Show celebrates with his newly won title as DX drags their fallen leader back to the locker room. I guess Rock died on the way back to his home planet because he’s nowhere to be seen. Decent main event to close out the show with the replacement being given the title as a make-good to the crowd for Austin not being there

---

 

– And that closes the book on Survivor Series. Not the worst show I’ve seen in this review series but a bad show nonetheless. Jericho/Chyna was the only match I really liked and some of the matches had really weird/nonsensical match psychology. If, for some reason, you really want see the Local Man win his first WWF Championship, watch this show. Outside of that, I can’t honestly recommend watching this. Watch the ladder match at No Mercy again, that was awesome.

Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Worst Match of the Night: Mankind & Snow vs. The New Age Outlaws (Tag Team Championship)(This gets the nod over the divas match because it was an actual match)

Match Rankings for Entire Year