AJ Powell’s MMAdness: Cro Cop Vs Barnett

Woo, I made it past the Pilot! Anyway, today I’m going to be reviewing Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic vs Josh “The Babyfaced Assassin” Barnett, rounding out my “Fully Loaded” double feature because the rest of the matches on the card are decidedly mediocre!

Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic is somewhat of an internet legend amongst MMA fans. Hailing from Croatia, he started training as a child by kicking a bag full of sand his father gave him, as he had no-one to teach him the proper punching techniques.  He then went on to join the “Lučko Anti Terrorist Unit”, A.K.A the Croatian Equivalent of the S.A.S. Later in life, he went on to join become a member of the Croatian Parliament, because who’s going to argue with him?

Evidently the kicking bags of sand helped, seeing as Cro Cop is viewed by many as having the most lethal kicks in MMA, the man himself saying “Right leg, hospital. Left leg, cemetary.”

And this held true throughout most of his career, with him being dominant in Japan whilst fighting in Pride before its closure (spoilers!) and then later retiring after a few disappointing losses in the UFC. And the whole time, he wore fancy red & white checkerboard shorts.

Josh “The Babyfaced Assassin” Barnett A.K.A “The Warmaster” (I feel like he made the second one up in the hope people would use it) is an American fighter who decided to become a Mixed Martial Artist after watching UFC 4, dropping out of college to train in exchange for performing manual labour around the gym (Stay in school kids!)

He was quite widely known for his skills as a submission specialist, winning most of his fights that way, as well as being quite skilled in stand up. He dominated for quite some time in Japan, but also made some waves back in America, being the youngest (babyface-est?) UFC Heavyweight champion in history, beating Randy Couture into a fine paste (Although he was later stripped of the title for failing a drug test.)

He still fights in UFC to this day, most recently losing to Travis Brown after getting elbowed into oblivion. And can be rolled up in “Beautiful Katamari”, for some reason.

Anyway, onto the fight! We start with some flash backs to Cro Cop v Barnett at PRIDE 28: HIGH OCTANE! (Oh Japan!), with Cro Cop missing his Ultra, uh, I mean, the Roundhouse Kick, being taken down by Barnett but managing to pin his arms to avoid being pasted into the mat. This ended up being what brought him the victory, as Barnett ends up tapping due to an arm injury, setting us up for the rematch here at “FULLY LOADED!” But at least Cro Cop was nice enough to check on Barnett afterwards!

We then cut to an interview with Barnett, talking about how it was a fluke and he’s gonna pull one of Cro Cop’s limbs off, take it home and bronze it (Creative, if a little excessive!) He then all but calls Cro Cop a douchebag, but says he’s gonna wipe the smile off his face (In all my years of MMA fandom, I’ve never seen Cro Cop smile. Go figure)

Before it all begins, we get the tale of the tape, with Barnett having one inch and 37 pounds on his opponent, but a less than stellar record of 0-1 in PRIDE, compared to Cro Cop’s 13-3-2. We then go to the introduction, with Barnett looking a little doughy around the waist, whereas Cro Cop’s pretty damn muscular with manly chest hair.

 

The Ref than pats both fighters on the head and groin (Man, talk about perks of the job! I mean, uh, shut up!) before both fighters touch gloves and back into their respective corners.  Barnett comes out swinging like a madman, throwing leg kicks and punches a plenty, but fails to connect properly before he manages to back Cro Cop into the ropes and clinch. Cro Cop, who I’m fairly certain is a terminator, calmly wriggles out of this, backs off and plants a pair of jabs squarely in the face of Barnett, stumbling him a bit before both men back off yet again.

Barnett tries to clinch again, going for a knee, but Cro Cop slaps it away like you would a small child and backs off again. Cro Cop manages to nail Barnett with a kick to the body, but Barnett just shakes it off, evidently his cultivation of mass being part of his master plan (BRO, TRY AND MOVE HIM!) This evidently throws Cro Cop off a tad, as Baby Face then manages to land a flush punch to the face before clinching Cro Cop and landing some nice knees to the body and legs, evidently thinking “He can’t kick if he’s got no legs!”

Cro Cop manages to struggle out of it, but Big Josh manages to keep his eye on the ball, nailing Cro Cop with a beautiful overhand right (Punches can be beautiful too dammit!) This angers the Croatian, who seems to enter battle mode, putting his guard up properly and peppering Barnett with punches before they yet again hug it out on the ropes (What’s the over under for us getting “Team Hell Nemoj” in WWE sometime soon?)

One thing I’ve observed so far, Barnett’s looked angry and flushed this whole fight, Cro Cop looks like he’s been sitting on the sofa for the past few minutes and is actively smiling. Yup, definitely a robot!  Cro Cop goes for his kick of doom again, but Barnett sees it coming and manages to catch it and take him down, then stacking him.

This is somewhere Cro Cop really doesn’t want to be, taking a few solid shots to the face (Phrasing, boom!) before he manages to push Barnett off and spring to his feet. Once again, they clinch, with Cro Cop having the presence of mind to keep their chests separated to avoid any body shots, but Barnett seems to have a different target in mind, attacking the legs of Cro Cop yet again.

The commentators then take time out to congratulate their colleague and Barnett’s coach Matt Hulme on the birth of his child. As you do. Cro Cop finally decides he’s done with this hugging crap, and takes Barnett down….only to be caught in a horizontal hug (Not in that way, you perv!), with Barnett wisely stopping him from posturing up and raining down destruction on his face.

Cro Cop tries to shuffel up to get the high mount, to which Barnett responds by trying at first to catch Cro Cop from behind with his legs, being unable to he then just tries to muscle out. They continue like this for a while, with Cro Cop occasionally trying to pop up, but Barnett always managing to keep him down.

Barnett finally manages to shove Cro Cop off, but now finds himself in an extremely dangerous position. As mentioned in the previous article, PRIDE allows stomps to the head of a downed opponent. And he now has Cro Cop hungrily standing over him as he lies on his back. He seems to realise the danger, keeping his knees up before Cro Cop decides against the stomp and moves into side control, where Barnett once again pins him to his body.

 

Cro Cop manages to nail a few gnarly hammer fists, but there’s still much ado about nothing before they manage to get standing and against the ropes, when Barnett releases Cro Cop, then feinting a knee and landing a crushing right hand, which wobbles Mirko something fierce. He manages to clinch again,  before they break and Barnett lands another shot. Once again, they hug in the corner and the 3 minute warning (No, not Umaga and Rosie) sounds until the end of the round.

Barnett then tries to fling Cro Cop, who manages to partially stop it by landing on his knees, but takes a few shots to the head as a result.  They clinch, yes, again, with Barnett pulling on Cro Cop’s trunks again (More like Heel Assassin, am I right wrestling fans?), then Barnett accidentally knees Cro Cop in the dick.

Which, to his credit, he takes incredibly well. Cup or no cup, if I got kneed in the dick by a 6’3, 250 pound man, I don’t think I’d be so nonchalant about it. Nevertheless, the ref separates them, and Barnett apologises (Awwww, I take back my Heel Assassin comment.)

Josh misses with the big overhand, then clinching into the corner  before Barnett land another cock knee (Get it? Cock knee? Cockney? Barnett? Fine, be like that!) Cro Cop walks away just looking disappointed. Again, if you get kneed in the plums by a man as big as Josh Barnett and just look disappointed, you’ve gotta be a robot of some sort.

They start off again by clinching, before Cro Cop shoves Barnett off and goes for the cemetary kick, just skimming “The Warmaster”s head and getting pushed into the ropes. Cro Cop then starts looking at the ref, implying he’s been tagged in the meat and two veg again, but the ref didn’t see it, and the lapse allows Barnett to chuck him over, although Mirko recovers and they clinch yet again.

Cro Cop finally manages to land a knee to the face just as the bell rings, as the replay shows Barnett managing to block the Cro-kick and showing both men clashing, Rocky style. The commentators talk about how Cro Cop’s people call him “A King without a Crown” after failing to beat Fedor Emelianenko, A.K.A the Cthuhlu of the MMA world. I now kinda want to refer to myself as “King without a crown.”

I dunno what context I’ll use it in, but fuck it! “Hi, AJ Powell, attorney at law, King without a crown!”

We head into round 2 with Cro Cop’s right eye looking a little swollen, and Babyface looking red as hell. The commentators keep mentioning how he’s breathing heavily and not gassed, but I dunno, fucker looks tired.

This round, along with the final one, will only be five minutes, as opposed to the 10 of the first. This difference in time is why many MMA purists tend to view PRIDE as superior to UFC, as the fighters are forced to go the distance and are less likely to try and keep their opponent down to run the clock out, as has been seen in the UFC. Also, because you can stamp and knee heads, as they’re a bloodthirsty bunch!

We end up in the ropes once again, with Cro Cop managing to check a lot of the knees thrown by Josh and returning a few. The referee then separates the two due to inactivity, which if he has to do again, will cost them 10% of their purse, something put in place in an effort to make matches more exciting rather than just having them hug the whole time (Well, in theory!)

Barnett tries to work Cro Cop’s leg again, throwing some low kicks, but he gets caught with a few big punches from the Croatian before clinching again, hitting Mirko with his shoulder and grinding the top of his head into his face (Which I can tell you from personal experience totally sucks.)

They separate and Josh manages to land a few big shots, with Cro Cop landing a few quick ones before getting pinned into the corner. Mirko then seems to decide he’s done with this shit, and after being punched in the kidney a few times takes his opponent down, landing a few hammer fists whilst Barnett manages to hold him in place.

Mirko manages to hop into full mount, which indicates bad times for the Babyfaced one, before the ref makes them move away from the ropes, lest they fall out (Which would be kinda hilarious.) They move back to the middle, where Cro Cop re-mounts Barnett (Ick.) Josh tries to get Cro Cop’s arm for a submission, but Mirko manages to wrench it free and start landing some nasty shots before he’s powered off by Josh.

He dives onto Barnett again, ending up in North South in an attempt to knee Barnett in the head before he’s wisely spun into Side by his opponent, landing one knee to the head before Barnett tries to get a Keylock as the bell goes.

Pretty sure they’re placing the “This is Extreme” song from ECW during the intermission as the commentators mention the swelling around Cro Cop’s eye (Jeez you guys, I mentioned that like, eight paragraphs ago!) as Barnett’s cornerman misses his mouth with his water and just squirts him in the face. Barnett’s nose seems to be giving him trouble, judging by the attention his corner men are giving it.

Both men come back out again for the final round, clinching in the corner, and when they seperate it appears as though someone’s shot Cro Cop in the shoulder, not that he gives a fuck. Or, ya know, Barnett’s got a cut under his eye and bled on him. Nevertheless, the ref sends him to the doctor to get it cleaned up and get patted down with towels. Replays show us that it seems Cro Cop accidentally headbutted Barnett as he tried to dodge one of his punches.

Cro Cop, seemingly done with this clinching thing, shoves Big Josh away as we start again, landing a liver kick, much to the delight of commentator Bas Rutten and then manages to land a few flush punches, forcing Babyface to back off, seemingly a bit stunned.  He lands a few more, seemingly having opened the cut under Josh’s eye even more, as the Bleeding Babyface goes for a double leg and forces Cro Cop into the ropes.

After a little bit of jostling for position in the corner, the ref stops it again to wipe the blood off Barnett (I take back what I said earlier about perks of the job!) They lock up, once again, with Barnett looking rather tired at this point. He then, once again, knees Cro Cop in the wang (Damn dude, you got a dick-magnet in that knee), which the ref tells him by pulling them apart, poking Barnett on the knee, then patting Mirko on the crotch (I smell a sexual harassment suit! It smells gross, FYI.)

Both men trade leg kicks, with Barnett landing a decent right before getting Cro Cop in the corner and landing a few good body shots. They separate, only to end up against the ropes, yet again (Jesus, just build a house there!) where Cro Cop lands a big knee to the face, eating an uppercut in retaliation.

Cro Cop manages to take his opponent down as one minute remain on the clock as both men struggle for position. Barnett nearly manages to lock the leg, but Cro Cop escapes and walks away as the bell goes.

Cro Cop walks away with his hands raised, whereas Barnett stays on his knees, bloodied and disappointed.  The decision is then announced, as Cro Cop wins unanimously. Both men hug, as Barnett looks incredibly disappointed, whilst Cro Cop raises the giant cheque above his head and streamers rain down (JAPAN!)

Cro Cop then grabs the microphone and delivers a beautiful speech. In Croatian. So yeah, no idea.  The commentators tell me that he basically said “I’ll be back”, which really fuels the whole “Cro Cop is Terminator” theory I have going.

Well shit, that was much longer than I anticipated. Still, it was a good one! Although I will say, I’m always disappointed if I see Cro Cop and he’s not KO’ing someone with a kick. Anyway, join me next time as I review something else! Probably from UFC, so I can understand the post-fight interview a little better!