Wrestlemania XV (Part 2)
Match #5
Elimination Match
Intercontinental Championship
Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust (w/ Blue Meanie & Ryan Shamrock)(???) Road Dogg(c)
-…Did they really just have the Outlaws switch divisions? That sounds really really dumb. From what I understand, Venis lost the title to Road Dogg on Raw a couple of weeks ago.
– Road Dogg does a special edition of his usual intro that is suited for himself (so he doesn’t awkwardly name drop Billy Gunn despite him not being out there) and he’s over as hell.
– Venis gets on the mic before the match and tells all the ladies in the house to not worry. “Even that belt can’t keep the Big Vabolski’s pants on.” Awesome.
– No freaking clue why Ryan and Meanie are now aligned with Goldust. The announcers just call them “his new family.”
– Goldust and Meanie seemingly tease a kiss as they get in the ring. OH MY GOD, THE GIMMICK IS THAT HE’S BI AND THESE ARE HIS LOVERS, ISN’T IT!?
– I have been informed by my legal advisor that only Shamrock is screwing Goldust. Meanie just looks up to him as a mother figure. …Jesus, why couldn’t they just be banging? Now, I have the image of Goldust nursing Meanie.
– LMAO, tremendous line by King. “Ryan has had more hands on her than a doorknob.”
– Only two legal competitors at a time as guys have to tag in and out.
– Shamrock & Dogg start the match.
– Lots of quick tags early on.
– Goldust and Venis battle for a bit leading to a comedy spot where they bonk into each other and Venis falls face-down into Goldust’s crotch. Shamrock has to remind the world that he’s a goon, however, and illegally comes in the ring to DDT Goldust. Behind the ref’s back, Road Dogg does the same thing to Venis so both guys are down.
– Both guys beat the standing 10 count and keep fighting.
– Goldust tags out to Road Dogg leaving him in the ring with Venis.
– Road Dogg does his signature punch combination to Goldust and Venis and lays out Shamrock.
– Road Dogg hits a Pumphandle Slam on Venis but before he can cover him, Shamrock blind-tags himself in and puts Venis in the Ankle Lock. The porn star manages to crawl his way to the ropes.
– Ken gets tossed to the outside and Ryan walks over to talk some shit. Venis hits a baseball slide on Ken and they brawl up the ramp. Like complete idiots, they get counted out meaning that the match is down to the champion and Goldust.
– Shamrock snaps and lays out both Dogg and Goldust before leaving.
– In what I guess is supposed to be a SWERVE~!, Ryan trips up Goldust as he tries to runs the ropes leading to him getting pinned. So, I don’t know if she is jealous of the relationship Goldust and Meanie have or what.
– Match was alright, I guess. It never really had a chance to get out of first gear.
– Angered by his loss, Goldust tells Ryan to hit the bricks after the match. He then gives Meanie a motherly kiss. Awww.
– Show gets arrested.
Match #6
HHH vs. Kane
– The build to this one was that Kane accidently threw a fireball in Chyna’s face on Raw. HHH returned the favor on Raw a couple of weeks later by throwing a fireball in Kane’s face while he was dressed as Goldust. Oh and somewhere in there, Kane caught feels for Chyna.
– While walking down the ramp, Kane is attacked by Pete Rose, who was dressed up as the Chicken from earlier. Kane obviously kills him in seconds.
– HHH catches Kane off guard as he comes through the crowd and attacks him from behind as the ref starts the match!
– It’s very back and forth as both guys brawl around the ringside area before Kane nuts HHH on the barricade.
– Kane works over HHH in the ring. The Game tries to make a few comebacks but is cut off every time.
– KANE JUST DID A PLANCHA OVER THE TOP ROPE.
– Kane tries to go for his Clothesline off the top rope but HHH cuts him off and throws him back into the ring. HHH then begins his big comeback.
– Chyna is coming down to ringside with the announcers stressing how bad this is for HHH.
– Chyna throws the steel steps into the ring for some reason and the guys do some spots with it. None of which is a DQ, I guess.
– After Kane chokeslams HHH, Chyna comes in with a chair. It seems like she wants to hit HHH at first but she turns on Kane and whacks him with the chair for the instant DQ. So, for those you keep tracking, that’s two DQ’s caused by chairs. At Wrestlemania.
– Kane looks like he’s gonna have to get his Wayne Brady on and choke a bitch but HHH lays him out with a Pedigree. Chyna and HHH are still together and everybody is happy!
– Another match that didn’t have a chance to get going before a DQ finish. That’s pretty much the story of this show, not a single match has been given time to really breathe. This show is trash so far. Crowd went nuts for DX reuniting at least.
– Backstage, Kevin Kelly gives an update on the special ref situation for the main event. Mankind got taken to a hospital so they have no idea if he’ll be able to ref the match or not. Vince wanders on the set and says that he’ll ref the match since Mankind can’t. What a heel.
– Big Pun is in the crowd! …Nah, there’s nothing more that, I just like Big Pun.
Match #7
Women’s title
Tori vs. Sable(c)
– Sable hops on the mic with a message for all the women that want to be her and all the men that came to see her. “Are you ready for the grind?”, she says before gyrating her hips. So, she’s either a stripper or a prostitute. Got it.
– From what my legal advisor has told me,Tori was stalking Sable for a while. So, this is like a way shitter version of Trish/Mickie lesbian feud.
– Tori wanders around ringside as Sable gyrates in the ring.
– Sable does ,without exaggeration, the worst shoot-style kicks I’ve seen in my entire life. I may give Davey Richards or Low-Ki shit about doing that but at least it looks impactful when they do it. Those kicks were business-exposingly bad.
– Tori takes another powder on the outside while Sable “grinds” in the ring.
– Tori has some…interesting gear tonight.
– They brawl on the outside for a bit before Sable almost kills herself trying to do a Crossbody from the apron to the floor. She is just awful.
– No clue who is supposed to be the face here, BTW. Tori keeps backing off like a heel but the announcers are criticizing Sable for showboating. Actually, I think Sable is the heel. I guess shaking your body much to the enjoyment of men makes you a bitch.
– “SHOW ME THE GRIND!” -Jerry Lawler yelling at Sable
– Actually, I’m pretty sure Sable is the heel since Tori makes a comeback using horrendous punches. Like, you could drive a monster truck between the gap in Tori’s fist and Sable’s face.
– Tori does some more terrible offense as the crowd goes mild.
– Ahahahahahaha, I swear to god you guys, they just tried to do chain wrestling. L O F***ING L.
THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS WRESTLING!
– This is easily the worst match of the show but at the very least, these girls are trying.
– LMAO, Sable tries to go for the Sable Bomb but drops her so the announcers have to sell it like Tori countered.
– Tori was about to hit a Tori Bomb before NICOLE BASS ran in and attacked her. Ref took a bump earlier so she didn’t see it. That’s like the third ref bump of the night too.
– Sable feigns confusion before picking up the scraps and hitting the Sable Bomb for the win. Terribe, terrible match. Easily the worst out all of three shows I’ve done so far. Yes, it was worse than Goldust vs. Bluedust. Negative star range for sure.
– Sable grinds over her fallen adversary.
– A reunited DX cut a promo backstage where HHH says that DX is stronger than ever and promised that X-Pac would beat Shane for the European title tonight.
Match #8
European Championship
X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon(c)(w/Test)
-Shane gives a shoutout to his Mean Street homies in the front row
– Got to say, I think these reviews are making me a mark for X-Pac. He always stands out because his style is so different than pretty much everyone else in the company at this point.
– The stooges try to jump X-Pac from behind but of course, Pac sends their asses packing.
– Pac came down to the ring alone for some odd reason.
– Shane runs for a bit before Pac catches him with a Roundhouse kick. He tries to hit the Bronco Buster but Test saves his boss by pulling him out of the ring.
– Test attacks Pac on the outside and nuts him on the ringpost. Clearly, Test went to the future, saw “One Night in Chyna” and knew that he had to do his part to stop it.
– Shane wants Pac to get counted out but he beats the count. With Pac still selling the nut shot, Shane works over the degenerate. He goes for his own version of the Corporate Elbow but misses. He quickly regains control with a low blow behind the ref’s back though.
– Shane begins whipping Pac with a belt he got from Test. Not a DQ. To be fair, there is a decent reason this time, that being that Shane clearly wants to get DQ’ed so he can retain the title so the ref is hesitant to call for the bell.
“Your name is 1-2-3 Kid, boy!” “X…X-Pac.”
– The fight goes back to ringside after Shane gets thrown out there and the Mean Street Posse tries to reach in and grab him but the fiery babyface fights them off He’s again cut-off by a cheap shot from Test.
– Shane dominates for a while until Pac catches him with a Superplex. He goes for the cover but Test pulls Pac out. Test tries to take Pac out again but ends up crashing into the ringsteps.
– The challenger returns the favor from earlier and whips Shane with the belt. This is easily match of the night so far.
– The crowd is hot for X-Pac as he hits the Bronco Buster! Behind the ref’s back, however, Test comes in and nails Pac with the European title. Shane tries to cover but Pac somehow kicks out!
– A frustrated Shane tries to go for a Bronco Buster of his own but Pac moves. Test tries to interfere for like the 5th time in the match but Pac is just beyond sick of his s*** and gives him a Bronco Buster.
– Pac hits the X-Factor on Shane! Pac goes for the cover but the ref is distracted by…Chyna? Yep, it’s SWERVE time folks as HHH slips in the ring and hits Pac with a Pedigree. So, Chyna didn’t turn face, HHH was just turning heel. Also, Kane is out of the Corporation now, I guess.
– HHH and Test beat the hell of Pac as Chyna consoles Shane in the corner. The Outlaws try to make the save but they are beat down as well.
– Wait. The lights go out and…IT’S KANE. IT’S KANE!!! The Corporation bail from the ring.
– That was easily match of the night so far. It was given a good amount of time and it told a great story. The small babyface fought his hardest against overwhelming odds and was only defeated because his friends turned on him. I really want to see Pac get his revenge now.
– Outlaws console X-Pac as Road Dogg promises to get revenge on that damn turncoat HHH.