Hey there you stupid Shoobies; are you ready to get extreme? If so you’re out of luck because all we’re taking a look at is “Rocket Power”! Created just a little too late to really take advantage of the “X-treme 90s”; this program about a bunch of beach dwelling children kind of missed its mark. But last August I did promise to lead off with this show; you’re welcome.
That's right. Get excited!
I will admit up front, I liked it as a kid. I know most people hated it, but I’m not going to be shamed into denying. I was hooked on all the X-Games, Tony Hawk video games and Mountain Dew. Each of these franchises took a hit moving into the new millennium. Okay, maybe not Mt. Dew, but the other 3 sucked after 2004.
Case in point
Watching “Rocket Power” now is comparable to light dental surgery in enjoyment. It’s not going to kill me, but I’d love to not do it all the time. I’m going to try to tap into my little kid brain, probably take a break and play “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2” and talk about the POWER!
If you’ll allow me to make rash generalizations (how can you stop me) I would guess that most people don’t like this show because it’s not realistic. These 9 year old kids were amazing at surfing, skateboarding, in-line skating, and street hockey. I’m sure there was other stuff too but this was the bulk of their play. They weren’t just good; they were like on level with Kareem Campbell and Bob Burnquist. I’m almost even willing to give Reggie “Elissa Steamer” status. She’s just as ugly and even better at skateboarding.
Always pick Steamer in THPS2 by the way.
It wasn’t even just the main beach kids. There was an import from Kansas named Sam that was pretty good at all of the sports too. They’d make fun of him, but he was probably on the actual skill level of people under the age of 15. Except he was a beast hockey goalie so that made everything cool. Jaromir Jagr would shake in his boots if he had to deal with the squid!
Dude snow skates with no shirt. I'm not messing with him.
The other neighborhood kids were good too. I didn’t grow up in SoCal, but I find it hard to believe that ALL OF these kids could be this talented. I know it’s a cartoon, but when a bunch of kids stay on point with Tony Hawk in his secret skate boarding lair, there is something wrong. I would even say their was evil powers involved.
These kids are all mildly supervised by Otto and Reggie’s dad Ray Rocket. He owns a burger joint with his old pal Tito. Ray is certainly an old stoner.
His mind is fried and he loves hanging ten dudes. He managed to run a pretty decent business and tries to be a good dad, but his freewheeling attitude created rebellious and uncaring children that he’s not strict enough to control. Luckily their mother figure is a giant Hawaiian man that conveys lessons in confusing limerick and haiku. I can’t imagine anything less confusing and terrifying for children.
The other main characters are Twister and Squid (Sam). Twister is Otto’s best pal. He’s pretty much a dumber, more earnest, and slightly less talented version of his pal. The only thing he’s better at is street luge, but sadly no one has cared about that since Biker Sherlock died (he’s not dead). Twister tends to bully Squid, but it seems like he only does so to hang with his jerk friend and to mentally deal with the flack he gets from his older brother.
Come to think of it, he probably deserved it.
I feel the need to dedicate more time to poor Squid. He moved from Kansas to a cul-de-sac full of weird kids and extreme sports junkies. He’s different in the fact that he’s a little husky, pale and wears glasses. He’s not good at all of those new fangled extreme things so he doesn’t fit in. I feel for him though because when they grow up he will be left behind. When Otto and Twister get in to drugs he won’t join in. He’ll at least get to be Reggie’s date to school functions when she can’t get a real date. He might get a pity make out session if they both get drunk at a party, but I don’t see it happening. Hopefully once he goes to college he will forget this horrible time in his life.
The acid will help
There are some other kids around.
Twister’s brother Lars tends to be a pretty great antagonist.
And people ship the crap out of him and Reggie. I hate the internet
I’d be frustrated too if I somehow lost in everything to a bunch of nine year olds. That’s like the best high school football team in the country beating the worst NFL team. Sure, one is undefeated and the other hasn’t won a game, but the playing field isn’t exactly level. I’ll chalk it up to the “Dick Dastardly Syndrome” in the antagonist being superior, but he gets distracted by wanting to torment rather than win.
Simulation of real life Dick Dastardly plot
I did a lot of Wikipedia reading after I wrote the last paragraph. There are so many side characters I forgot all about. There is Officer Shirley, Oliver, little Mackenzie (who deserves to be beaten) and Lt. Tice. I’m only going to mention them because I’ve still got Conroy and the Stimpletons to talk about.
Conroy Blanc is the owner of the Madtown Skate Park. He provides a place for these delinquents to hang out and they still complain and skate on the boardwalk. He also substitute teaches. Kids still don’t respect him there. He is Jamaican, and weirdly Nickelodeon seems to rely on people from there to be comedic relief. Weird. “iCarly” anyone? Same thing. No one watched both? I mean…I never watched that little teen girl show…shut up!
Violet Stimpleton is the always happy neighbor. Typical. Her husband Merv looks menacing compared to Mr. Wilson (see what I did there?) He hates the kids next door. He wants to be left alone in his new beach resort of a house, but these dang kids won’t leave him alone. He even bank rolled the skate park to keep it open so they’d go away. Sadly these Rockets won’t leave him alone.
Watch as one kid tries to murder his wife
I’ve rambled long enough. Rocket Power was a product of the time. Unlike “Celebrity Death Match” though it didn’t really encompass the attitude of the late 1990s. It tried, but catering to kids really takes the sting out of it. It was very popular for a short while, even spawning movies that happened after I quit paying attention. Much like Hammer pants and The Headbangers, when we look back it’s hard to see what we were thinking.
"We're confused. The Headbangers were awesome"