Does anyone wish that FAN still had articles about music? If so bombard this guy so it happens. I only have so many college papers about Bob Dylan I can post. The aforementioned this guy is Blake Hammond. He’s a man with a lot going on, despite not having much going on. He just left his horrible restaurant job and obtained a better restaurant job. He also does freelance writing work for, FAN obviously, and Cincinnati publication CityBeat. Blake is also a stand-up comedian who is….funny? I provided so much about the guy I don’t know if I need to give you guys the interview, but I will anyways:
Here he is performing at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. You may recognize it as the place Andy Kindler lambastes on Comedy Central.
Andy Kindler was right. It is a silly place.
“I’m just gonna answer in succession like a normal person. But I’m not gonna number them because it takes up my word count”
1. What’s the number one reason you lose sleep?
A. The ladies…above me. They have very heavy feet. Also, I have crippling anxiety, so, most things. Being alone forever and spiders mostly.
2. The movie you say is your favorite and the one that’s actually your favorite.
A. “Rosemary’s Baby” for both. I don’t feel embarrassed by it. Go ahead and judge me, I’ve probably already judged you.
3. What’s your favorite color and be honest about why.
A. Tie between green and black. Green because TMNT. Black because I’ve always been attracted to the absence of color & being super existential.
4. Can you explain why people say “heads up” when they want you to duck?
A. Because it’s funnier if a person sees what’s going to hit them before it does. Also, people are assholes and the English language is dumb.
5. Would you rather cover yourself from the neck down in tattoos or get one on your face?
A. Neck down. No question. Unless I killed someone, then you automatically get a tear-drop right? I’m pretty sure those a free if you murder.
6. Big cliche, but if you were stranded on an island….pick 3 things, 3 people, 1 album and 1 book.
A. Plane, Gas, Food. Wife, Mistress, Girlfriend (what a wacky time that would be). An Mp3 mix cd (got around that one, eh?), American Psycho.
7. If you could only use 15 words for the rest of your life, what would they be? (keeping in mind you may want to pick “the” or something.
A. Fuck, me, now, please, I, think, love, you, why, are, leaving, don’t, call, the, cops
8. Pick one Rolling Stone’s song that best describes your life and explain why.
A. “Shattered”. Read this interview, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.
Here's the man who insisted on doing this via direct message as not to bother his follwers. #unfollow