Direct to DVD Dissection presents a review of a film. A bad film. A very bad film. A very, very bad film. A very, very, very bad film A film so bad, it produces three verys. It’s solid bad from the outside, right down to the film’s core. And it’s not very good, either. Let’s break it down in this week’s Direct to DVD Dissection.
Released May 21st, 2013
The Story
While battling the Nottingham Sheriff, Robin Hood and his band of merry men are slain. Distraught over these horrific turn of events Marian and Little John attempt to resurrect Robin and his comrades with disastrous results.
The Cast
Martin Thon as Robin Hood. A German actor, appeared in a few movies in the area, and has mostly done nothing much of note before appearing here.
Ramona Kuen as Maid Marion. See above.
Kane Hodder as Little John. A horror movie icon, best known for being the man behind the mask of Jason Voorhees in the FRIDAY THE 13TH film series, from FRIDAY PARt 7: NEW BLOOD all the way up to JASON X.
Tom Savini as The Sheriff of Nottingham. Another icon of the horror movie circle, known for both his special effects work in films like the original FRIDAY THE 13TH and original DAWN OF THE DEAD films and his acting appearances, in films like FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, DJANGO UNCHAINED, the 1985 DAWN OF THE DEAD, and……THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER. Well, it was a good film.
The Dissection
Robin Hood is one of those properties that, while well known and popular, you don’t see much of at one time. while there have been several TV series, cartoons, and big movies, only a few have had much impact or notice. Still, it’s an interesting fable, about a outlaw and his band of men who rob from the rich of their society and give to the poor and disenfranchised. It’s been retooled and things have been removed and added over the years it has been around. However, do you know what hasn’t been added before?
Zombies.
Our man in tights, Robin Hood (Thon)
Which is where this film, GHOST OF SHERWOOD comes in. And, dear god, does it take a hell of a long time to get there. The movie itself has a runtime of around 2 hours. Not terrible by itself, but the fact that the movie takes a good hour and a half to actually move forward to the actual plot is. It’s not even an exaggeration, as a good chunk of the initial running time is set up, and not even good set up. The movie is slowly introducing all the Robin Hood characters, from Marion and Robin to all the Merry Men to Prince John and the bad guys and how the universe of this movie functions. It retells the story of Robin Hood, showing Robin and Maid Marion meeting for the first time, and Robin and his men being a mini village in the woods and living off the grid from the Prince and the Sheriff of Nottingham. Also, Robin can’t shoot an arrow worth a damn. That alone probably would drive anyone crazy, but that’s nothing compared to the actual film.
Our other protagonist, Little John (Hodder)
So, yes, the movie is adding zombies to the Robin Hood myth. It shows them off during the opening, showing them slaughtering some soldiers, and there is some mystery as to what exactly they are. Then, after nothing but set up for 3/4 of the movie, the actual plot kicks in, and we see that the monsters are turned into zombies. zombies that can use tools and grow stronger and faster when they feed on flesh. And the worst thing about it is that they can’t even deliver a pay off to this. you see the rampaging monsters as they go after some mooks and end up focusing on Little John and Marian for the “climax” and then the movie stops in the middle of it’s story and ends, but not before setting up a teaser for a sequel.
As for the movie itself, it’s bad. The quality of the footage is reminiscent of the type of films that Andreas Schnaas films. Those of you who don’t know who that is, he makes very low budgeted films full of gore effects and over the top violence that look like they were shot on very bad video cameras. This film retains the video quality, but doesn’t have the same grip on the violence and gore. There are some gore effects for the attacks, but they are only a few moments in the movie that they show up, and it’s not as visually interesting. The costumes look cheap and like they were pulled from a fabric pile at a local craft store. Another aspect reminiscent of a Schnass film is the dubbing. The movie is dubbed, even when the people in the film are speaking English and it’s the same actors dubbing the lines, and the lines themselves don’t match to how the actors were speaking, either in what they said or how they said it. It’s very bizarre.
So, is there any positives in the movie? No. Even the experienced actors Kane Hodder and Tom Savini don’t bring much to the table, and they’re not in enough of the film to have an impact. Hodder himself is only around for the last 30 minutes of the film, when he takes over the lead role. Overall, it’s a bad film all around. It’s bad as a Robin Hood film, it’s bad as a zombie film, it’s bad as a film, period. If it have to give it any credit, for bad films, it’s pretty innocent. It’s not rage inducing like FDR: AMERICAN BADASS, THE DEAD & THE DAMNED, or CODE 207 were. It feels more like it had something of an interesting premise, but none of the resources to make it even somewhat feasible and is an overall disappointment. One thing to note here is that the movie was apparently shot in 3D. Why it was done is anyone’s guess, but it might help to explain a lot of the cheapness of the production, similar to UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING, which suffered from similar issues.
Honestly, the DVD cover is the most interesting thing about this. It doesn’t reflect anything in the film, but it is something you might like pinned up on your wall. The DVD itself is pretty bare bones, with some behind the scenes footage and video. Even if it was something you might find interesting, you wouldn’t be missing anything if you saw it on Netflix.
The Verdict
Keeping it simple, it’s not worth your time. It takes too long to get to the point, it’s low quality look will throw you off, and it doesn’t do anything to make you interested. Even on the chance you do see it, you’ll quickly forget about it a few minutes after watching it. Overall, not the least bit recommendable.
