I’ve finally found a show that likely few of you have seen. I started off this review (review) with the intention of talking about shows that didn’t have a lot of exposure. I do that still, but sometimes I just want to go main stream. I know it’s not very punk rock of me (or I guess hipster is the thing now) but today I’m going very under the radar. “Held Up” was, based on what I’ve read, created to be a series for Comedy Central. Apparently that didn’t work out so Crackle.com has taken the reigns and put it up as a mini-movie. While watching it I had two thoughts:
1. I can see where they would have cut episodes had they gone that route so don’t give me flack.
2. What the hell Comedy Central? You cancelled “Stella “ and for some reason I continue to give you chances, but then you don’t pick this up? We’ve got Jon Dore, Samm Levine, The Sklar Brothers, Kaitlin Olsen, Steve Agee, Tig Nataro and even Nick Kroll. What else do you want? You’ve got hilarious people being hilarious. That’s what you’re for. I love old “Futurama” and “South Park” as much as the next guy, but do we need to run Katt Williams and Jeff Dunham specials that much? Come on; let’s get some original programming up in here. I’d even take airing this on Saturday after as the movie. Something. Loading it on Crackle isn’t hard, but I’d prefer having it dialed up in my DVR any day.
Don't complain or I'll shoot you in the head. TV will be dead soon anyway.
Our star is hilarious Canadian Jon Dore. He’s a really funny stand-up. I’ve seen him twice. His best joke might be saying the words “Thank You” so many times in a row that all the office workers in the room stopped laughing halfway in. I laughed harder and harder until he finally got bored. In “Held Up” Jon Dore is basically playing himself if he were a bank teller. He’s rude, apathetic, lethargic, and is pretty much out for himself. He does have a few good qualities though, but mostly his motivation is to make it with one of his newest acquaintance and to get you to follow him @thepiedpfeiffer.
Jon made some new friends that fateful day because his bank was being robbed, much to his delight. In unbelievable timing, a second set of robbers came in while the first were casing the joint. Our first pair of robbers are dressed as Rocky 1 and 2. They are love birds that live life on the wild side. Rocky 1 also put Rocky 2 through college. She’s his bitch (his words not mine). The female of the group is stunning blonde that, despite her best efforts, falls for our bank teller lead in the end. I know, I spoiled it, but it’s a comedy and I doubt you’ll be that invested in the love story.
Our other bank robbers are a set of twins. They are dressed as Batman and Robin and have no idea how to rob a bank. They are inept as far as weapons and threats go, but darn it if they’re not good at voicing Johnny Carson as Batman. Ray (Jon Dore) reveals their identities when he notices they are the set of twins that were denied a loan on their hot tub cover business and now have come to blow the lid off the bank. You’ll get that joke when you watch…maybe. They eventually get their money and Batman gets comfortable using public restrooms. It’s a great 14 day standoff for them.
Or is it Fatman and Robin? Zoom.
The bank manager Jan is busy yelling at Ray about his awful job performance when the bank gets robbed. Ray claims she’s uptight because she needs to get laid. During the heist she nails both twins, so she likely loosened up. Her boyfriend of 6 months the wonderful Har Mar Superstar (Rocky 3) as I just spoiled, ends up playing her for the fool and was just casing the bank in preparation for this robbery. He’d oddly attractive and he will floor you with his dance moves.
Look at that style? Jan is not to blame.
All the funny people I listed above are other bank goers that get caught up in this hold up. Samm Levine plays the same thing he normally does (a smart ass know-it-all). Nick Kroll also plays his usual roll of “the douchebag” but has it dialed up to 11 in his brief appearance. Steve Agee plays a homeless guy that mumbles and Tig is his translator because she speaks “bum”.
We also have a crotchety woman who ends up being a whore according to the ex-husband hostage negotiator that leaves in a huff after some failed group therapy with Batman and Robin. Imagine ever typing that sentence. The negotiators threat to burn down the house though is one of the most menacing things I’ve ever seen though.
It’s hard me to be critical of the Sklars. I love comedy, I love sports and I love pro wrestling. They dabble frequently in all three. Aside from Colt Cabana, they are the closest to having a target audience of me. One gag in “Held Up” I like is the police department in the area dealing with budget constraints and not being able to deal with the situation very well. It’s funny, but around the 8th time they bring it up, I’m kind of over it.
"Come on Dave!"
I know Kaitlin Olsen is really good at playing a heartless jerk. That’s kind of been her job for years. She’s playing a bank robber so she has to maintain a certain heir of terrible. I wish she could have shown a little depth. We get a slight smile from her every once in a while, but it’s beginning to seem like she only has the one character. My favorite moment for her character is the last scene (which is an outtake) where she actually shows some personality.
Overall I of course recommend this. It’s on Crackle.com and Youtube.com. In fact I’ll link the one here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FizMCUuoYI
I only watch movies (a television show for my purposes, shut up you) more than once if I really like them. I’ve seen this twice. Take that for what it’s worth. Honestly the second time around it did less for me, but it’s not meant to really hit hard. It’s a lot of conversation and subtlety. I like that in my entertainment, but I think Comedy Central missed out because this feels like it would have been better broken up into 22 minute chunks. Maybe watch it that way and test my theory.
Watch if anything for the great sex scenes
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