Not Your Classic Cuts: 2 Chainz — “Based on a T.R.U. Story”

Oh hey there strangers, it’s been awhile. I’ve missed you, have you missed me?

I know it’s been a long time since we’ve talked, but I’ve been really busy graduating, planning my next move in life, and wallowing in the depressing fact that I haven’t got a next move. But I figured we were so good together before, and maybe, if you guys aren’t reading somebody else’s reviews, we could give it another shot?

Whaddya say?

Sorry, somehow that intro turned into some drunken Facebook message you’d send an Ex at four in the morning, so I say if you’re willing to look past it, I am too.

Anyways, upon request from several 16-year-olds I work with at my shitty service industry job and my mother’s super awkward, new found love of radio Hip-Hop, my return to the F.A.N. universe will be a review of the album “Based on a T.R.U. Story” by the artist formerly known as Tity Boi (yeah, Tity Boi), 2 Chainz.

Cover:

On the original version of this cover, 2 Chainz shows off his creativity displaying two gold chains over a black background (which for you slower readers out there, is a play on his name, 2 Chainz. You know, two chains for 2 Chainz…its okay, I didn’t catch it at first either.)

But wait, on the deluxe edition of this album (because really, IS THERE EVER ENOUGH CHAINZ??) it’s those same two chains from before, but this time accompanied by this pimpin’ red jacket with, you guessed it, TWO MORE CHAINS ON THE JACKET. If I’ve done my math correctly, that brings us up to like FOUR chains.

Now, here’s where not only the math gets really advanced but where 2 Chainz shows his real genius. What do you get when you take the square root of 4 Chainz? That’s right, 2 Chainz, because the “z” always carries down. This man is like a mix between Pythagoras and 2 Pac.

Sound:

2 Chainz’ sound is the embodiment of what Trap music is and forever should be. It’s the type of music that you hear being blasted at such a high volume that it shakes the body of the hooptie it’s being played from. It’s the type of music that is being bumped by the hustla trying to sell bootleg CDs/DVDs and weed out of his trunk of the gas station up the street from my house. But what’s even weirder, is that 2 Chainz music has enough pop sensibility to become the music blaring from my mom’s factory ass system in her Chevy Malibu as she comes to my house to pick me up for lunch (My mom said she entered the “bad bitch contest” and she won first place. Awkward).

The fact of the matter is, 2 Chainz has taken the hype feeling from artists like Waka Flocka Flame and Roscoe Dash, and combined that with the club-banging sensibility of a Kanye West or a Jay-z.

Even with his hood demeanor, the fusion of these two styles has turned 2 Chainz’ sound into something that can be consumed by just about anyone. It’s simple enough for young, white sorostitutes to get drunk and make bad decisions to, but dirty and real enough for thugs to listen to as they attempt their illegal dealings in BP parking lots all over the country, carving out this weird niche market where 2 Chainz stands alone.

Lyrics:

Let’s be real here. 2 Chainz isn’t a wordsmith.

His lyrics, like most trap rappers, are centered within a realm of four main subjects: drugs, money, hoes and clothes. Yet, the way he spits carries this aura of ridiculousness that is so unbelievably terrible, it makes his music almost enjoyable (if that makes any sense). I mean, if you’re looking for some sort of socially conscious Talib Kweli type flow here, you’re in the wrong place. But if you’re looking for something more in the way of a Lil B who can actually keep up with the tempo of a song, then 2 Chainz is your man.

If you’re not familiar with 2 Chainz lyrical mastery, here are some examples:

“Birthday Song” – In this song, 2 Chainz asks that when he dies, his body be buried in five different places (Gucci store, Louis Store, Jewelry Store, Truey Store (What?), and Booty club) which makes me wonder if he is trying to become some high fashioned, rap version of Lord Voldemort, living on forever inside his Louis Vuitton Horcruxes until some Hip-Hop Harry Potter comes to destroy him. “There’s a storm coming Harry, and we best all be ready when she does, because the forecast says there is a 100% chance of MORE CHAINZZZ.”

 

“Dope Peddler” – “See what these bitches looking like

Stick in all crooked like

Louie V is my Kryptonite

Take your bitch and I give her back

Give her this and I give her that”

It’s like 2 Chainz transformed into some back alley, crack dealing version of Dr. Suess with a mental disability on this verse. Oh, the places you will go when you deal crack to support yourself…you’ll go to jail or die is where you’ll go. Just say no, kids.

“I’m Diffrent” – I felt obligated to find how 2 Chainz is “diffrent” from other rappers on this song, but with hashtag raps like “I’m so high…attic/I’m so high like an…addict” and the three minutes and 30 seconds of blathering on about pussy and money and such, I was hard pressed to find any evidence. WAIT, you spelled “different” without the “e’?? 2 Chainz, you sly dog, you never cease to amaze.

“Extremely Blessed (feat. The Dream)” – “Known to kill pussy, nigga chalk it out/Our first date was the Waffle House.”

Don’t worry ladies, 2 Chainz has got something for you too. Maybe it’s the fact that this song features The Dream (awesome) but “Extremely Blessed” really made me re-evaluate my dating life. Oh right, a casual first date at a coffee shop is a fucking stupid idea, Blake. Waffle House is the obvious place to go. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE SINGLE.

Impact:

I’ve never really reviewed anything where “hopefully none” seemed like a viable option. But really, what will/should he impact? The sales of some Adidas? A rise in the price of tacky gold jewelry that was cool in ‘92? He likes to make weird noises on songs (SKIRRTT), which I personally enjoy, so maybe that will transfer into some other artists music. Other than that, I’ve got nothing.

Verdict: Not a Classic Cut.

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