Today’s foray into what I’ve got lying around my house is something rather new to my collection, but certainly something I would have gone crazy for if I had been known about them in 1988 when it was originally released. Dinosaurs Attack! is a trading card series inspired by the 1960’s series Mars Attacks, and features dinosaurs and modern man thrust into the same world competing for survival. It’s overly gruesome and utterly hilarious. For 55 cards Dinosaurs Attack! loosely weaves together the story of Elias and Helen Thorne, two scientists aboard a space station experimenting with looking back in time. A strange presence interrupts the Timescanner, and monsters from the past start arriving in the modern day 80’s.
There’s too much greatness for me to cover all the cards, so I’ve picked out five of my favourites to spotlight.
5. WRESTLING RIOT
My two favourite things as a kid? Dinosaurs and wrestling! The front of the card is a lot of fun, but this card makes my list for the back. The majority of cards featured a mock-newspaper article on the back, but this one features ANNOUNCERS! Absurdly dorky announcers, and I can’t help but looking at them and subbing in Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon, and Tony Shiavone.
4. ENTOMBED!!
I simply love the art on this one. It’s like a cover to Creepy or Eerie, those great Warren horror magazines from the 60’s.
3. NUPTIAL NIGHTMARE
It’s a triceratops, and somehow he managed to crash a wedding and simultaneously impale the bride and the groom. I laughed and laughed at this one.
2. SOVIETS VS. DIMETRODONS
Everyone knows how much I hate that son of a bitch dimetrodon. So watching the sons of the Kremlin blow him to bits is highly satisfying. However, the best part HAS to be the translated Soviet paper on the back. Man do I miss communism sometimes.
1. THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE
It’s #1 COMPLETELY for the back of the card. 100%. I flipped it over, and have never been happier. It’s my current phone wallpaper, and I can’t stop screeching the tagline like I’m Axl Rose singing ‘Welcome to the Jungle’. This is to trading cards to me what Sophie Dee is to porn.
If this seems like something you’d enjoy, I HIGHLY recommend picking up the complete set. I got one off of Ebay for $8 shipped, and there’s even an extra 11 stickers featuring REAL dinosaur facts…with pictures of them eating humans on the front, herbivore or not. What a fun find.