This is David Broermann here and this week we are going to make over this website. Are you tired of the all the words and pictures? Does the black and orange motif make this place little like a freakin awful network? You’re in luck. We’re going to change those colors to something with more class. Probably a nice burnt sienna with an eggshell to give the page an earthier feel. The words and articles:gone. From now on we’re only going to show pictures of models, lumber and the occasional rapper. All of these changes are going to make this place way better for you. We’ll probably throw in some fountains and candy if it turns out someone has muscular dystrophy or AIDS or something. We don’t discriminate, as long as someone is totally dying. We’re so open minded, we let an openly gay man work on our staff.
"We're here. We're with Sears. Get used to it!"
Okay, enough acting. I am not trained for that. The real team leader for “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is the not-so-openly gay Ty Pennington. He’s the guy yelling at everyone through a bullhorn and not really doing much else. His list of careers is this: model, carpenter. I do not doubt his proficiency in either field…wait…. Yes I am. He looks like an old dude trying too hard to dress hip and I’ve barely seen him swing a hammer. He always is busy hosting and in his “secret project” that we never see and really don’t know if he actually does it himself. I’m calling you out Pennington. I could have just as easily been unattractive and not done any work. We all missed the boat on that casting call. The only thing Ty has going for him is inspiring one of my favorite “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” episodes.
"That show is about how awesome Sears is! And how much Sears products save people's lives! And it's about caring and Sears."
Okay, I think I’ve poked enough fun. I may not have ever really wanted to watched a bunch of Tim Taylor wannabes build 17 room houses for three people, but it really is was a great thing to watch. When these people saw the new house and openly wept and broke down in thanks, it was touching. Although the tears were nothing compared to those shed when they realized what their new property tax was, it was still nice to see. People don’t do enough nice things anymore and this show was always a heartwarming way to spend a Sunday night.
Being that we live in America and we have the internet, someone always has to complain about something. This show got complaints for trying to take advantage of sick people…really? Motives aside, they build one person an awesome house, bring awareness for a disease/disorder, raise a ton of money for charity and they blow up houses real good.
Or they just beat it to submission.
How is that bad? “EM:HE” been criticized for aggrandizing the life of excess in America. Granted, that one may have a point. I would jump on board there, but if they could build me a room like this:
Yeah, I'll even take the ABC logo.
..I’m shutting my mouth. Americans have always wanted things to be bigger and better. Houses, our waists, you name it. Sure, our mothers are so fat that they jumped up in the air and got stuck, but that’s why we have to make such big houses. And yes, we need 50 inch televisions and cement ponds too. It helps us grieve our former bodies.
Have I explained away the problems with this show yet? NO? Fine, I’ll kill one more. People think this show makes us sappy and warm hearted. Screw that! This is America. We hate everyone and they hate us. Let’s take a look back in 2009, when the Huber family from Wisconsin got a makeover. After the camera stopped rolling and Ty took his spikey hair home, what happened? Did everyone that showed up to help to be on camera keep playing nice? Hell no. They criticized the family for not being deserving of it. They went to the door, wrote online about it, and gave them constant static. So much so, that the family had to post signs to keep out harassers and the sheriff had to watch out for them. Thank you South Range for showing that uppity fireman and his family they don’t deserve a thing. So he puts out fires for you and saves lives? He doesn’t have a crippling disease that is sexy enough to be on the news. He just saves people. That undeserving jerk. How dare he let them build him a house?
No one is even missing a limb? You don't get jack!
The eternal struggle between my dad wanting to watch this show and my sister wanting to watch something less charitable (probably “Degrassi”) on Sunday night is over. Sadly, my sister won that battle. I only hope he can pull off the wrestling on Mondays over whatever MTV is doing. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition spun off of a show about making people look nicer, and succeeded in helping more than someone’s looks. It helped bring a lot of good feelings and aid to a lot of people who deserved it. Critics can try to tear it down all they want, in the end; this is one of the greatest things to be on television solely for the fact that it gave a damn. I brought up MTV in jest, but a show where a bunch of selfish idiots get mad at girls not sleeping with them just because and they are so self-absorbed it’s disgusting; I’m glad something that had some substance and made a difference lasted so long. I’ll get off my soap box now, Xzibit stole it anyway.
"Yo dawg, this is a ladder."
Credit Goes to: BSCkids.com, ABC.com, Wikipedia.com, poptower.com, and inforum.com