[Author’s Note: 4R does NOT represent the views and opinions of the Freakin’ Awesome Network and/or the FAN Forums. And chances are there are plenty of them that will want to kick my ass after reading this.]
Chances are if you’re any kind of gamer, you’ve heard that most people are kinda peeved off about the ending to Mass Effect 3 and the trilogy as a whole. At first, I was kinda lost as to why. Personally, I’ve never even played any of the Mass Effect games though many of my friends are and thus I know the basics of the francise through them. And even when the initial collective of “IT’S BAD BECAUSE I THINK IT’S BAD HURRRRRR!!!!” came out, whenever I asked someone personally about the ending, they didn’t think it was all that bad. I was beginning to think it was just some urban myth or an Internet meme that flew over my head. It wasn’t until one of my best friends, one of the most optimistic people I know (or at least he tries to be), outright hated the ending for many of the reasons that people had already stated. So I decided to take a look at an opinion that I had originally written off as simple “nerd rage” and tried to see what the big deal was.
Why am I qualified? Well, I’m not. I’m just a random dude with a keyboard…but then again, so are many of the people who’s opinions have been amplified. But I’m also a little bit more calm and rational than some of those people…which is REALLY scary if you think about it. I’ve been a video game player all my life though I’d definitely classify myself in the “casual” category. That’s because I only spend a few hours a week or so playing games, not because I only play games like Wii Fit and Imagine Party Babyz. Though I do own a Wii, I’m sure that will automatically make my opinion null and void amongst the elitist “hardcore” gamers.
I have to admit, this DOES look kinda fun.
But enough talk, let’s break down the simple facts:
Is the Mass Effect 3 ending bad? Yes.
Do you have the right to be angry about it? Yes.
Do you have the right to act like a complete moron because of it?
If so, then I have the right to treat you as such.
I’ll get to the obvious flamebait in a minute, but before that, let’s look at what’s causing all the rage: the ending itself. After hearing all the uproar, I decided to see for myself by watching all three endings on IGN. First of all, the fact that you basically just picked an ending out of three was kinda weak. I’ve always hated when games did something like this (Fable series, I’m lookin’ at you) because you play through an entire game and the end result basically hinges on you picking the right door on Let’s Make A Deal. If anything, it’s just a show of laziness on the developer’s side of things. But then you get to the actual endings which, without going into spoilers, are really just the same ending with very minor changes. Objectively speaking, if I had beaten Mass Effect 3 once and only once, I probably wouldn’t be angry. I’d just be like “Well, that was an ending.” But if I had gone through multiple playthroughs just to see basically the same ending I saw before, then I’d probably be pissed off too. So really, after all is said and done, the ending to Mass Effect 3 is basically just the roster select screen of Mortal Kombat with your only options being Scorpion, Sub-Zero or Reptile.
Choose Your Ending!
So in a way, I do agree with all the angry fans. But then I hear about what they actually want: Endings that take into account the choices they made. Yeah, that would be nice, but after I thought more than five seconds about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be utterly impossible to execute, at least for now. Think about what you’re saying, people. Look back and see how many choices you made in Mass Effect 3, let alone all the choices you made in 1 and 2 if you carried data over from those games. You could let crew members die or made sure they lived. You could wipe out entire races of aliens or you could fight with them. You could punch a reporter or you could not punch a reporter. You could give that douchebag soldier voiced by Freddie Prinze Jr. a bro fist or you could not. You could have not-sex with not-Jessica Chobot or you could not have not-sex with not-Jessica Chobot.
Seriously, masturbate to episodes of IGN Strategize on XBox Live like the rest of us. Weirdos.
My point is, that is WAY too many choices for one character, let alone one player with multiple characters, let alone MILLIONS of people playing across the world with multiple characters. And you want dynamic endings tailor made to the choices you made in your game? Not going to happen. You’re talking like “flying car”-levels of technological advancement there. To come even close to what you’d want, they’d either have to cut the game short just to make room for even a fraction of the amount of endings that would entail and stick them on a separate disc. But then you’d be mad that you’d have less game to play, unless you actually WANT an 21-disc set much like Final Fantasy XIII. And then, you’d still be mad. My point here is this: Could BioWare have made better endings? Sure…but not by much.
I saw one commenter online put it like this: Consider Mass Effect 3 ITSELF the ending, at least if you’ve carried over the data from the first and second games. You’ve come so far to be immersed in this universe, whether you decided to band it together or tear it apart and then you get to choose if you want to save it or destroy it. And since the Mass Effect series did such a great job at creating that universe, are you really going to let a few minutes of sub-par cutscenes ruin ALL of that?
In another bit of insight that I’m sure will alienate anyone else still reading, one of my favorite online video game journalists is Jim Sterling of Destructoid. Yeah, I know he comes off as a pompous ass at times but I find that, more often than not, I actually end up agreeing with his point of view. In a recent episode of The Jimquisition, he takes the rare stance of looking on the bright side of the negativity surrounding the Mass Effect 3 ending. If you didn’t follow the link, I’ll sum it up for you: Thanks to the massive outcry of disappointment, Mass Effect 3 has proven to evoke as much emotion and dedication the likes of the Star Wars prequels and Lost, putting videogames on par with movies and television as a capable storytelling artform (suck it, Roger Ebert) and a form of entertainment more than just the pasttime of children and basement dwellers. I can certainly see how one can come to that conclusion, even though it could be a stretch. But comparing Mass Effect 3 to Episodes I-III isn’t exactly putting it in great company. In the end, disappointment is disappointment. And in extreme cases, butthurt is butthurt.
And butthurt some were. Oh, were they ever. So butthurt, in fact that a movement called Retake Mass Effect arose which started as a harmless online petition (because those things NEVER work) before escalating by asking…no, wait, scratch that…DEMANDING that a new ending be made just for them. Really? Did the ending mean that much to you? Have you ever read a book, were disappointed by the ending and then ask the writer to do it over? No, because no one does that. Did Star Wars fans demand that George Lucas do the prequels over? Well…yeah, bad example. But I’m sure by that point, most Star Wars fans believed that Lucas would have somehow given them something even worse, like say recasting Han Solo with Shia LeBouf. My point is we should rise above getting mad over things like this. Is it OK to be mad at something? Sure, but not at this level. If it has, do something constructive with it: Go run or punch things. Inspire yourself to create something better (though if it is fan-fic, I don’t wanna see it). Or,worse comes to worse, just masturbate furiously to Internet porn. It’s worked for me thus far. If the ending to Mass Effect 3 has made you angry for more than 48 hours – and I’m not saying consecutively, like maybe an hour here and a few there until it adds up to 48 hours – then seek help because you’re exhibiting the behavior of a sociopath. No joke.
What I’m trying to say is that if we truly want video games to be accepted as a legit form of entertainment and art, we have to stop this childish behavior of entitlement. And don’t tell me that it’s not entitlement, I’ve worked in customer service for almost half of my life. I see entitlement everyday, some cases warranted, most not. This is like every case crammed into one. This is somehow like the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement had a drunken hookup and gave birth to a baby that they never let out of the cellar, lowering down buckets of fishheads to keep it fed because even a mutant baby is a growing baby. Maybe I’m going a bit too far by referring to these people as babies but maybe not. Why?
Because BioWare is actually talking about putting out a new ending.
That’s right. All of their whining worked. They figuratively went to the toy store and cried and cried until mommy gave in and gave you what you wanted, even if it is something you’ll probably forget about in a few days. OK, I realize the Retake Mass Effect movement isn’t made up of EVERYONE disappointed by the Mass Effect ending but it is a VERY vocal minority. And I’m mostly talking about that one guy to complained to the Federal Trade Commission and the Better Business Bureau claiming that BioWare had engaged in “false advertising”. Yes, this is actually a thing that happened.
BioWare doesn’t have to do shit for these people. They created a multitude of great games like the Mass Effect series, the Dragon Age games, KOTOR and even going back to Jade Empire, Neverwinter Nights and Baldur’s Gate. They could easily just tell those select few to piss off. But they’re not, because they care or they want to save face or whatever. Or since Mass Effect is published by EA, maybe they just want to make sure they keep giving them money. Who knows? But whatever the reason, the movement worked.
There’s a tiny part of me that wants EA to actually charge for the future DLC endings, but then again, that’ll just result in more complaining. What I really want to see is BioWare go “Hey, you want a better ending? Here you go.” and just give us like a half-hour of a close-up of a Krogan’s asshole. That would hopefully stun everyone into silence. Much like the child crying for the toy they want and their mommy replying with “You want this stupid Bakugan thing? Fine. Guess what? You’re fucking adopted!” And I would just be astonished and break out into a dramatic slow clap…only to realize that no one is following along and then I go back to my sad little life writing about things like this and not getting paid for it.
But enough about about all this infuriating talk about hatred and separation. What we really need to do is put our differences aside and fight the true enemy: Michael Bay for saying that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are actually aliens.
Seriously, fuck this guy.
This rant was brought to you by Ryan Dickman, and also the letter N and the number 7. If you want to find him and kill him, you can find him on Facebook, YouTube or Twitter.
“I should go…“