Real Steel
Plot: Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman) is a struggling robot boxing promoter who is down to his last straw. When his former flame passes away, he’s tasked with taking care of his son, Max (Dakota Goyo), until his foster parents return from Italy. Before you can say “Rocky with robots”, the two find a beat-up sparring robot named Atom and fix him up for competition.
Review: There were spots in “Real Steel” were I was actually having fun. This caught me by surprise, as I went in with little hope. I’ve joked that this is essentially a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots movie (and yes, I know it’s based off of a “Twilight Zone” episode), but it simply being that wouldn’t have been bad. Robots fighting one another can be fun to watch (take note, Michael Bay).
The only problem is “Real Steel” isn’t simply that. It becomes a formulaic and bland father/son tale that’s not only out of place, but not told well. Max is an annoying little twerp and Charlie’s transformation from selfish lout to loving father is unconvincing. A good chunk of the two hour running time is devoted to this banal human drama that half of the film was simply wading through ennui. Some of the fights may be enjoyable, but they’re not enough to drag this out of the dirt.
Final Rating: C+
Circo
Plot: Tino Ponce operates Circo Mexico, a traveling circus act run by and featuring his family. The bad economy in Mexico has taken a toll on his business. They don’t play in cities, but in small towns behind gas stations and out in the meadows. Cameras follow the tumultuous life he, his wife and four children endure and the hardships they face.
Review: This quick documentary (it’s running time is only seventy-four minutes) has a tranquil approach from Patricio Guzman. This works against the film at times, as it becomes too off-putting. It does get the point across of how monotonous and demanding the lifestyle is, which is a plus. It also drives home the emotions and troubles the wife and her children have with the business.
When Patricio focuses on the circus act itself, interest picks up. It’s a lively performance in front of usually small crowds. It’s the complete opposite of the life they live; exciting and vivacious. It’s understandable why Patricio doesn’t focus on this much, as it’s not the point of the film. A little extra couldn’t have hurt.
All in all, “Circo” gets the message across, even if it sacrifices it’s intrigue. The most captivating material is that of the effect this lifestyle has on it’s children. It’s short running length helps as it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome. It’s tranquility may not be it’s strongest suit, but that best represents the Ponces’ life.
Final Rating: B
Killer Elite
Plot: When Hunter (Robert De Niro) is captured by an Iranian leader, his protégé, Danny (Jason Statham), is hired by the leader to avenge his three sons’ deaths. If he does so, Hunter will be free. He begrudgingly agrees and starts an all-out war with Spike (Clive Owen), the leader of the killers.
Review: This entertaining action yarn would have been a perfect fit in the eighties. It’s style is highly reminiscent of the slam bang action titles from that decade. The only thing keeping it grounded in the digital age is the hyperkinetic direction of Gary McKendry. That and it’s based on a true story that didn’t unfold until the early nineties.
Statham is in fine form as Danny and has amiable chemistry with Robert De Niro. Just like any action film, he’s stuck with a rudimentary relationship with Anne (Yvonne Strahovski) that only drags the film down. There are other spots where the film drags as well. These don’t happen too often, as multiple action sequences deliver on all cylinders. A duel in a hospital between Owen (who is fantastic) and Statham is the standout.
“Killer Elite” is a tightly wound action thriller that is sure to please it’s target demographic. It’s got terrific action sequences, solid performances and an overall macho vibe to it. It goes great with a bucket of popcorn and a beer (or soda, for those of us who don’t drink).
Final Rating: B+
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
Plot: Alex (Guy Pearce) moves into a new home with his daughter, Sally (Bailee Madison) and girlfriend, Kim (Katie Holmes). Creatures that dwell in the basement begin tormenting Sally. Her father believes it’s her anxiety and anger playing tricks with her. Kim takes her side and tries to stop the malicious attacks.
Review: Troy Nixey does a splendid job of creating atmosphere and delivering some solid thrills. What he fails in doing is developing his characters and making us care about them. Sally is the only one who progresses throughout and garners sympathy. Even then, Nixey abuses the “child in danger” aspect at times, limiting it’s success. Kim barely gets any development. It’s not until happenings begin to pick up that she is truly inserted into the story. By then, it’s a little too late to care.
Still, the film does deliver on chills. The creatures themselves are manipulative and creepy, even if their design is only serviceable. The cinematography of Oliver Stapleton utilizes the ominous house to it’s advantage. The use of shadows and glimmers of light in the dark (the creatures’ main weakness) add a depth of despair. Better dramatic tension would have been great to tie in with this, but it’s simply not there. It may tamper with the film, but it remains a good rainy day distraction.
Final Rating: B-
The Amityville Haunting
Plot: A family moves into the Amityville house and begins experiencing strange activity. The father believes it’s a series of break-ins. The son (who is documenting everything on video) believes it’s ghosts. The father sets up a high-tech security system that monitors the entire house. What they discover is the Amityville curse.
Review: The “Amityville Horror” series has taken many beatings. Possessed doll houses, haunted clocks and even a demonic lamp. You’d think it could survive anything. That a simple found footage film wouldn’t do much harm. You’d be wrong.
As far as found footage films go, this may be the worst. Only “Apollo 18” gives it good competition. At least that film was competently made (barely). “The Amityville Haunting” is amateur hour filled to the brim with laughable acting, hysterically awful effects, annoying characters and the worst scares this side of a haunted house run by your kind neighbor. There’s only one actual scare in this film and it’s a cheap boo scare at that. Everything else is insufferable.
Final Rating: D-
Abduction
Plot: When Nathan (Taylor Lautner) discovers a young photo of him on a missing person website, he and his friend, Karen (Lily Collins), set out to uncover the truth. When his “parents” (Maria Bello & Jason Isaacs), the two are on the run from the CIA and unknown assailants.
Review: In an interview, John Singleton stated he made this movie in order to make Taylor Lautner an action star. To prove that he was more than just a pretty boy. That men of all ages could relate to him, as well as looking up to him as a badass. I regret to inform John that he failed.
For starters, Nathan isn’t relatable to all men. A mopey teenager with good looks will only connect to a small demographic. Secondly, Taylor Lautner doesn’t fit this role at all. He’s not convincing as a trouble teen, nor does he fit the action mold. At least, not yet.
This would be acceptable if there were some good action sequences. There’s not many. I count on one hand how many of them were entertaining. I can count on two hands how many missed the mark. Cartoonish special effects, such as the house explosion, don’t help matters.
Singleton has had some good films in the past. Films such as “Boyz N The Hood” and
Higher Learning”. Ones where he utilized a cast well. Here, he wastes the talents of Alfred Molina, Maria Bello and Sigourney Weaver, while also possibly tarnishing Lautner’s chances of breaking out.
Final Rating: D+
Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie
Plot: Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim are given a billion dollars by the mafia to make a movie. When it’s a royal bomb, they need to act fast and get the money back. If not, mob boss Tommy Schlaaang (Robert Loggia) will kill them. When Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell) has an offer to reinvent his mall and (possibly) earn a billion dollars, the two guys jump at it.
Review: I’m familiar with Tim and Eric, but have never seen their show. I have a few friends who really enjoy it and they’ve been pushing this film on me. After watching it, I feel these two would work better in the fifteen minute time capsule their show runs for. Their manic and ridiculous humor works wonders at some moments, but falls flat in others. It can become very overbearing for an hour and a half film.
Helping keep interest and laughs up are a slew of cameos. John C. Reilly as Taquito as a homeless man living in the mall; Will Forte as Allen Bishopman who sells guns at the mall; Jeff Goldblum as Chef Goldblum who opens up their film; Zach Galifianakis as Jim Joe Kelly who is their guru of sorts. One cameo near the end in particular is clever and amazing. It’s just a shame all of this becomes too much for the running time, tampering the effect the film aims for.
Final Rating: B-