Credit and thanks goes to Glitch for creating this.
This edition of Movienalia marks the first of “Reader’s Choice”. For being one of the two runner-ups in the “Edge: A Decade of Decadence” DVD Giveaway, Khyle Deen was granted the opportunity to pick a film to be featured. He chose “Return to Oz”, the sequel to “The Wizard of Oz” that somehow took forty-six years to be made.
This edition also marks the first time I induct a film into Movienalia that I actually enjoy. Since this film is of the strange variety, I felt it was acceptable to include it. Besides, as much as I love it, I can’t deny that there aren’t flaws.
Discover what these flaws are, as well as my various thoughts on the film, on this edition of Movienalia. Enjoy!
-Why is Dorothy younger? Did she find the Fountain of Youth on her way back from Oz?
-I find it hysterical that, instead of looking out the window, Dorothy is looking at the mirror that’s reflecting the window. Just turn your head!
-Dorothy’s room is tiny. Did they shove her in the closet?
-“It’s past one O’clock in the morning, Dorothy.” Why exactly are you still up, then?
-Insomnia is no reason to send your child (or niece, in this case) for electroshock therapy.
-“All she does is talk about a place that doesn’t exist.” Most kids do that, Aunt Em. It’s not out of the ordinary.
-Stop chasing cock, Toto!
-I’ve heard of chickens laying golden eggs, but not keys.
-A key that spells out Oz. It must be Kevin Nash’s. Why was he hiding it in a hen’s ass?
-“It’s just my imagination.” Running away with me!
-How the hell did Toto open that closed window?!?
-Instead of “curing” Dorothy of her crazy stories, make her write them down. I’m sure a tale of a man who has his body chopped to bits and is turned into tin would sell like hot cakes.
-“I think I know just the thing to cheer Dorothy up.” The Complete Boz Scaggs?
-How the hell is shocking somebody cheering them up?!?
-“I’ve never left her out of my sight amongst strangers.” There’s no better first candidate than ones that will spend the night torturing her via shock treatment. Who knows, maybe they’ll give her candy and a ride home, too.
-“You may have a nap, if you wish.” One of the reasons she’s here is insomnia. Why taunt her with that comment? Way to be a bitch!
-“I will give you rest.” Sounds like something CM Punk would say to his opponents.
-“Would you like to go for a ride, Dorothy?” Called it!
-“Did I hear somebody screaming earlier?” That was Buddy Ebsen in the make-up chair.
-Instead of hiding in one of the many rooms, you decide to hide behind thin bed sheets. Really?!?
-Watch out, Dorothy! They have flashlights and aren’t afraid to use them.
-In the first film, Dorothy arrived in Oz via a tornado. In this one, it’s from nearly drowning in a river. If they make a third, will she arrive via an earthquake?
-Where the hell did Billina the Hen come from?!?
-The Deadly Desert a.k.a. Las Vegas.
-“If anything touches it, it turns to sand.” Shouldn’t the stones turn to sand, then?
-A lunch pale tree; the stoner’s best friend.
-Stones hate chickens, for some reason.
-“That’s where we landed on the Wicked Witch.” You landed on Nancy Grace?
-“Where are the Munchkins?” On the set of “Return of the Jedi”.
-The hen just made a stiff joke. Is that considered ironic?
-“Beware the Wheelers”. Especially during Murderball season.
-Why is the Tin Man anorexic?
If the Cowardly Lion was given courage, then he shouldn’t be called cowardly anymore.
-I want to see the Wheelers take on the Warriors.
-Why are the Wheelers moving so slow? They have wheels, instead of hands and feet. They should be moving faster, for crying out loud!
-Tik Tok is R2-D2 if he had a weight problem.
-“If you don’t mind, Mr. Tok, I’ll wind up your action.” That sounds like a bad pick-up line.
-Tik Tok is the violent version of Johnny Five.
-“I am only a machine. I cannot be sorry or happy, no matter what happens.” You and Donald Trump have something in common.
-Why did that Wheeler have a sudden stuttering problem?
-I think you entered Martha Stewart’s house, not Princess Mombi’s.
-Princess Mombi must have been Lady Gaga’s inspiration.
-I could make so many head jokes right now. One in which that would make Al Snow very happy.
-Princess Mombi took the head hunting job a bit too literally.
-“Come near it, me.” Maybe Princess Mombi should have put on a head that’s IQ is higher than ten.
-“You will be rather attractive one day.” I hate to be mean and don’t want to offend Fairuza Balk, but this is a lie.
-“If this is Oz, Dorothy, I’d rather take my chances in Kansas.” Take your chances in Kansas? What’s the worst that could happen in Kansas? Dying of boredom?
-I wonder if Jack Pumpkinhead inspired Jack Skellington. On that note, I want to see a sitcom starring those two called “Jack of All Trades”.
-The Headless Dancing Girls sounds like a nickname for the Headless Horseman’s groupies.
-Why does Jack Pumpkinhead remind me of Clay Aiken?
-“I understand it better than you do.” Tik Tok is an egotistical bastard!
-I wonder what would happen if Princess Mombi put on the head of a Gump.
-A bunch of screaming heads and Dorothy being chased by a headless Princess Mombi. Talk about nightmare fuel. Walter Murch must hate children!
-Tik Tok going berserk is hilarious!
-“I wasn’t alive then. How can I remember?” I should have used this excuse in history class.
-“I don’t have any wings.” We’ll get you a Red Bull and fix that.
-If Santa Claus were poor, he’d use the Gump Mobile.
Is Princess Mombi’s house haunted? Should I call the Ghostbusters?
-Why is Jack afraid of the Wheelers? You’re high up in the air. They can’t get to you.
-You survived a tornado, Dorothy. I don’t think you have to worry about surviving the Gump Mobile crashing.
-I could have sworn the Indiana Jones was about to start playing.
-Why does everybody hate chickens in this movie?
-This scene of Dorothy falling into the Nome King’s underground lair had to be filmed while on acid.
-What the hell happened to the Scarecrow?!? Did the Wizard give him Stephen Baldwin’s brain?
-Did Dorothy just try to fight the Nome King?
-Why do the emeralds look like giant boogers?
-We interrupt this movie to bring you an episode of “Let’s Make a Deal.”
-I don’t think the Nome King is evil. He just seems lonely.
-Did they just have a power outage in a cave?
-“Perhaps you’d like to visit my fiery furnace.” Fine, so you’re evil, Nome King. Sorry for calling you lonely.
-“I’ve always valued my lifelessness.” A quote from Paris Hilton?
-“I don’t hold out hope for Jack. He has many excellent qualities, but thinking isn’t one of them.” Seriously, you’re a dick, Tik Tok! They should rename you Dik Tok.
-The Nome King wearing the ruby slippers is a funny sight. It makes him look like a drag queen.
-“You will never think of Oz again.” Kevin Nash wishes this every single day.
-Princess Mombi is practicing her planking skills.
-Instead of risking your life, why not just relax in the Nome King’s palace and save your last guess?
-Why can’t the Scarecrow’s lips move?
-“It wasn’t my fault!” Snitsky, is that you?
-How exactly does a giant rock eat?
-The Nome King’s kryptonite is chicken eggs. You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s the best they could come up with?
-Not going to lie; it would have been hilarious if the dancers were returned to life without their heads.
-I don’t remember Oz having this many citizens.
-Who is the giant toad in the background? Why wasn’t he one of the main characters?
-“I was afraid you had drowned.” You didn’t seem to care within the duration of this movie.
-“A witch with no magic is a miserable creature indeed.” That explains Joan Rivers to a tee.
-“Not to that stupid, humdrum world again.” That should be on Kansas’ state sign.
-Don’t go towards the light, Dorothy!
-Nice of Toto to make an appearance. I would have preferred him over Billina.
-All it took for them to finish building the house was for Dorothy to go missing? They need to get their priorities straight.
There you have it, folks! The end of two firsts. 1) A “Reader’s Choice” edition and 2) A film in which I love. Sure, Tik Tok was kind of a dick, the designs of the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion were drastically different and abysmal (and barely featured), Dorothy was younger for no reason and the Nome King’s weakness was pathetic and cheap. Still, the set designs and effects were wonderful, Fairuza Balk was solid in her role, the story was efficient and most of the new characters were likable. It may be on the darker side and a tad too frightening for some kids, but it’s still a fun film!
Thank you, Khyle Deen!