Grasp of Reality

My name is Trista, and my strange addiction is reality television.

I don’t just settle for the popular ones like Survivor, or the only reality shows my friends will watch: Big Brother. Since this summer, it has become an addiction because there is nothing else on during the summer. I’ve sunk so low, I even watched a whole season of the Bachelorette. I am not proud of this. A part of me is even embarrassed. But again, I blame it on the summer and how there is nothing else on.

The worst part about reality television is the commitment I feel like you make towards certain shows. For example, this season of the Bachelorette has been dramatic because of a guy named Bentley, who didn’t even like the Bachelorette (Ashley).

So they show this in the previews for next week, and… I DVR’d every episode since then. What? I had to see the episode where William roasted Ashley! Who didn’t love it when he said he didn’t “give a fuck” that Ashley was the bachelorette because he wanted it to be Emily (who won the last season of the Bachelor, but have since broken up with him, Brad.)

I just feel so ashamed admitting all of this.

However, I should warn you, you trusty reader you. It gets worse. It doesn’t stop at the major network reality shows.

I can name every Kardashian, and tell them apart. This may also have something to do with my slight obsession with the celebrity culture and my need to be updated on everything Hollywood. Personally, I blame my mother. People Magazine was how I was taught to read.

Monday morning’s DVR looks pathetic with all the reality shows I’ve taped from Sunday. Tomorrow, it’ll look something like this:

The Next Food Network Star
The Bachelorette: Men Tell All
Keeping Up with the Kardashians
TMZ
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

And that’s just Sunday night. Disgusting.

So what will this article include? A recap on what happened with one of those shows! Except TMZ. Just go to their website for that.

Now, let’s begin with… The Bachelorette, since it was on twice this week! Guys, this will be great if you have a girlfriend\girl friend\fiancee\acquaintance\whoever watches this. I will not bore you with details, I will just let you know what you feel like you should know if you feel like contributing to the conversation she is probably having with her girlfriend’s. In fact, that’s why I’m even writing this. For you, guys.

Also, to make me feel better about my addiction, because now it’s for work and not for my own guilty pleasure. Psh, especially not for my guilty pleasures…

Anyways.

On the final episode of the Bachelorette, Ashley’s family (which includes a very tattooed sister, conservative mother and father, and constantly sweating brother) meet the final two contestants, JP and Ben. Within the first fifteen minutes of meeting JP, Tattooed Sister informs Ashley that she doesn’t think he’s “the one” for her, because he doesn’t make her laugh. But he does, but that wasn’t Ashley’s first answer when Tattoos asked her. When Tattoos finally talks to JP, she admits that she isn’t sure of their relationship, and doesn’t exactly trust Ashley’s opinion. Neither of them were expecting this. Jp tells Tattoos that he smiles “ear to ear” when he’s with Ashley, and he is 100% in love with her.

Now, for some opinions from moi.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that people fall in love on these shows, and actually expect relationships to come from them. The Bachelor’s record is 0-15 for successful relationships, meaning the Bachelor is still with the woman he picked at the finale. The Bachelorette’s seven seasons has had one marriage (from the first Bachelorette, Trista!) and one long term engagement. As of this writing, Ashley is still with who she picked, but this also just aired on Monday. We’ll say this puts the Bachelorette at…3-4. Slightly better.

I would also like to take this chance to point out that Survivor has a much better success rate when it comes to dating, as they have had at least four public couples come out of their 22 seasons. And Survivor isn’t even a dating show.

Back to The Bachelorette.

Ben is now meeting Ashley’s family, who has just totally rejected JP. Ouch. But before, Ashley is going to talk to Tattoos about how she made JP feel, and how she thinks she was being a “complete bitch” towards him. And now Ashley feels like she can’t tell her sister anything, and Tattoos is going to go tell on her.

Sooooo glad I only had brother’s growing up.

Now that Ben is meeting the family, she’s nervous how her family will react. Duh. Ben talks about how their relationship has grown with every date. Then Ashley and Ben start talking in their voices with how they talk to their dogs.

I can’t believe I’m missing Shark Week for this.

Let’s fast forward to where Ashley picks who she wants to marry.

First, let’s talk about the heart break that Ben suffers. After cutting off Ashley before she was going to explain why she wasn’t going to pick him, the dude gets down on one knee and gives this amazing speech about how much he loves her. Plus, the ring he picked is far more amazing than the one that JP got her. Honestly, my heart broke for Ben. It was kind of hard to watch.

After he gets dumped he talks about how he felt led on and how he thought he was in love. Wow. Don’t mind me. Just being a complete girl right now…
So, obviously Ashley goes against her sister’s advice and picks JP. Meh.

Line of the Night: “When you’re lubing each other up with mud, it’s really quite…. erotic.” ~ Ben, describing his mud pool date with Ashley.

Second Line of the Night: “I don’t know what the fuck just happened.” ~ Ben.

You’re welcome. Remember, I’m doing this for you. Who knows, maybe knowing these random tidbit’s of reality television will help you get laid.

What? I said maybe.

See you next week, when we review….