With Battleship and Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots getting their own movies (the latter is called “Real Steel”, but it’s essentially the same thing), it’s clear that Hollywood is milking money from any brand name. Since board games seem to be their new cash cow, I’ve decided to help them adapt a few more. Not only have I written a brief description for the film (along with a tagline), I’ve even cast the characters for them. I expect my royalty checks in the mail.
Guess Who?
-A young woman (Vanessa Hudgens) is brutally attacked by a serial killer. The only problem is, she barely seen the person’s face. Now, Detective Andrew Grenier (Matt Dillon) tries to find the killer through police line-ups. Will the young woman be able to find her true attacker? Or, will the town’s most dangerous citizen run loose?
Tagline: “One in a hundred people are psychopaths. Good luck finding the right one!”
Pictionary
-A serial killer (Rutger Hauer) is on the loose in New York City, leaving clues behind in the form of drawings. Detective Rick Harris (Matthew McConaughey) is on the chase, trying to decipher the drawings and stop the killings.
Tagline: “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
Pay Day
-A new comedy starring Chevy Chase, Ben Stiller, Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Neil Patrick Harris as company workers who discover that one of them is going to be laid off. Now, they spend their days screwing each other over and kissing the boss’ ass (played by George Clooney).
Tagline: “The only day that matters.”
Connect Four
-Two lonely strangers (Michael Cera and Kat Dennings) try their hands at speed dating. The tables are set up in an intricate manner, where guests are to use their dating coins to link four tables together. Cera and Dennings fall in love in the midst of this, but are kept away by the challenging game of love. Can they link themselves together and find true happiness?
Tagline: “Will these two make a love connection?”
Scrabble
-In this crossover of “Akeelah and the Bee” and “Bee Season”, Akeelah (Keke Palmer) and Eliza (Flora Cross) are set to do battle to determine who the true spelling bee champion is. This match can’t be competed under normal circumstances, though. Their match will be played on the most famous spelling board of all time, Scrabble! Jack Swagger will be the special guest referee.
Tagline: “Can you spell defeat?”
Hi Ho! Cherry-O
-Four strangers (Jessica Biel, Michael Rapaport, Zac Efron and Emily Browning) awaken in a field, tied to a cherry tree. Their captor (Tobin Bell) informs them that they are partaking in a new version of Russian Roulette called Hi Ho! Cherry-O. The objective is to roll the dice and collect as many cherries as possible in the allotted time. The person with the least amount of cherries will be killed. This continues until one person remains.
Tagline: “Who will you pick?”
Scattergories
-A new game show, entitled “Scattergories”, sweeps the nation. Dick Goodwin (Rob Morrow) discovers that the show is fixed, with Charles Van Doren (Ralph Fiennes) fed answers to defeat Herbie Stempel (John Turturro).
Tagline: “Fifty million people watched, but no one seen a thing.”