Strange Behaviour LOVES rap music. If he were sent to a desert island (maybe like the one in Shakespeare’s The Tempest) and he could only take one genre of music with him, it would be hip-hop. He could blast party tracks while drinking coconut moonshine, rage along with political emcees during the long days of building shelters and even play the slow jams while he tried to seduce any passing wizard’s daughters. (Wouldst that he had, he could have peopled the isle with Strange Behaviours!) It has been brought to SB’s attention however that there are people on the planet who don’t like hip-hop. “It’s violent and misogynistic” they whine, “It glorifies drugs” they cry, “It’s ignorant and bereft of musical significance” they…uhh..whinny. Now usually SB would put those people in their places with a finely tuned point about how hip-hop in fact represents the have-nots in American, and increasingly British, society and is a vital outlet for the financially and politically repressed and is the spiritual successor to the blues and wolf-tickets. However, in this day and age it is easy to see why people poke a little fun at the music and it’s proponents. So in an attempt to understand the naysayers SB will take a quick light-hearted look at when rappers say things they don’t perhaps mean. See how they sound, a little unrational!
1 – Redman – “Doc rock a wifebeater with me beating my wife ass ironed on” Well, this can’t possibly be true. I mean the logistics alone defy belief. This would indicate Redman arranged in advance to beat his wife with a friend present to take a picture. Everyone knows the first few pictures you’re always blinking or pulling a silly face, so it must have been a sustained beating. Which of Redman’s friends would condone this, let alone take part? Certainly not Erick Sermon, for example, he seems far too down to earth. Also, what sort of T-shirt printing store would produce this? SB phoned a couple in Cambridge to ask them if they would do it and they hung up; one even threatened to call the police. So it must have been one of the home iron-on kits. That’s just silly, I mean surely his wife would have stopped him using the printer to set them up, locked the computer screen or something. Also, it’d just flake off the first time he washed it. SB’s verdict – LIES!
Funk Doc approves this post, possibly. Yesterday.
2 – Canibus – “You ain’t got the skills to eat a (chap’s) ass like me” Canibus’ best work is as a vicious battle MC, and rumours talk of young rappers arriving at a battle, seeing they had drawn the muscled tattooed ‘Bus and immediately turning around and leaving the venue. Apparently training like a boxer simply to keep his breath control and intimidating physique, the New York MC is certainly not a chap you’d want to cross. However, in the spirit of investigative journalism, SB has been doing research into what exactly rappers mean when they use their hip slang. For the love of all that is decent, please don’t google what it means to eat someone’s ass. I did, and I had no idea Canibus was interested in such behaviour. SB’s verdict – distressing, if true.
3 – Notorious BIG – “I put five carrots in my baby girl’s ear” – An argument could be made here that New York hip-hop’s favourite son is in fact referring to the homophone “karat,” implying a diamond of some value being set into some trinket. It could even be argued that Big Poppa is actually referring to the kind of act of fatherly love and generosity sadly cut short by his senseless and tragic death. It is however far more hilarious to image the weighty chap forcefully ramming root vegetables into an infant’s head. If you’re SB. SB’s verdict – probably perfectly reasonable, but SB is not a well puppy.
4 – Gza – “I represent from midnight to high noon”. – Wu-tang clan’s self proclaimed genius may well be SB’s favourite lyricist of all time, but this lyric is perhaps not as well thought-out as it could be. While a 12 hour day of non-stop representing does show a long day in terms of work hours, SB would expect something a little less matter of fact from a rapper. SB prefers the sweet little lies of rappers keeping it real 24/7 not just from midnight to midday, that’s only half a day. Furthermore, odd choice of hours. All the rap shows that I’ve been to kick off in the evening, but Gza doesn’t start representing until midnight, hours after the show has begun. Also, he spends the wee small hours of the morning representing when only milkmen and posties can enjoy it. He’d have been better working a 2 till 2 shift or something so he could get the matinee crowd too. SB’s verdict – poorly thought out. Although this could explain some of the bloody lacklustre Wu-Tang live shows.
GZA - working unsociable hours.
5 – House of Pain – “I kick the flavour, like Stephen King writes horror.” Not so much inaccurate necessarily as under-explained. In what way exactly is Everlast’s method of kicking rhymes akin to New England’s favourite wordsmith of the spooky? SB does not understand the real connection here. With only 3 albums with House of Pain and a couple of solo albums, we can hardly compare the two on the basis of their prolific body of work. Perhaps Everlast also has a deep-seated childhood trauma of having his ears painfully syringed, a feeling anyone who has heard “Jump Around” for the millionth time can probably relate to. SB’s verdict – more lies!
6 – Big Bank Hank – “I’m the C-A-S-A-N-O-V-A the rest is F-L-Y” – Spelling bee champions may well be able to spot the slight incongruity between the traditional spelling of the words big, bank and hank and the spelling adopted by Sugarhill Gang’s single “Rapper’s Delight.” Rumour has it that fellow rap icon Grandmaster Caz, AKA Casanova Fly, gave Hank his notebook of rhymes and essentially said, “help yourself chummy.” Perhaps he never imagined that the larger fellow would take the very section spelling out Caz’s own name! What sort of person doesn’t know their own name? SB’s verdict – Large Currency Henry does nothing here for Sugar Hill’s rap cred, despite it being tucked away in one of the most played singles of all time.
Strange Behaviour is the alter-ego of Alexander Page, whose understanding of pop culture and finger on the pulse of new releases is by and large non existent. He resides in Cambridge, England and doesn’t really understand what all the fuss is about. He can also be found on Multimediamouth.com where the site owners let him go and spend time with people and objects unsupervised.